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Posted: Friday April 14, 2006 11:01AM; Updated: Friday April 14, 2006 3:19PM
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Sports Casting Call: The Sopranos
During our endless hours of TiVo-watching, we often find ourselves wondering: Can we get paid for this? In that vein, welcome to a new 10 Spot feature in which we pair the characters of a popular TV show with figures from sports. Today's show is The Sopranos. Enjoy.
Tony SopranoBill Parcells
Despite occasional health concerns, Tony remains the boss and showed last week that he can still kick butt when necessary. Parcells employs a similar tough-love approach; he derided Terry Glenn as "she" before Glenn developed into a solid earner. Still, Parcells isn't afraid to whack a loyal associate like Keyshawn Johnson when he's no longer useful.
Carmela SopranoAmy Mickelson
After sometimes chafing against her role as a mobster's wife, Carmela has lately turned into the ultimate supportive spouse. Mrs. Mickelson has never been anything but the ideal golfer's wife, but we can't wait to see her modeling Carmela's collection of Juicy Couture sweats around the 18th green.
Meadow SopranoMichelle Wie
Meadow is young, beautiful and talented (she's going to be a doctor -- or a lawyer!) but hasn't quite broken through on her own yet. Wie is young, beautiful and talented but still looking for that first big tournament victory.
A.J. SopranoAlfonso Soriano
Soriano has demonstrated more talent than the mopey A.J. but also similar traits of stubbornness and surliness. We wish we could have seen Soriano's face when it was suggested that he would be a left fielder; we're guessing it was eerily like the expression A.J. made at "event planner" last week.
Junior SopranoGeorge Steinbrenner
Uncle Junior is still technically the boss though nephew Tony runs the show; he can still flash some of the old fire but is increasingly addled. The Boss isn't quite losing his marbles, but his "baseball people" run the show more than ever while the aging lion prepares for the next generation to take over.
Christopher MoltisantiBarry Bonds
Chris-ta-phuh is an occasional hitter who is desperate to go Hollywood. Bonds is unquestionably a great hitter, but his Hollywood effort (Bonds on Bonds) is even worse than Christopher's Godfather-meets-Saw idea for The Cleaver. Both battle with the feds.
Dr. MelfiPhil Jackson
Even the most powerful men listen to and respect Dr. Melfi's counsel; though Tony once spurned her advice, he has returned. The Zen Master has provided effective guidance to headstrong men such as Michael Jordan, Shaquille O'Neal and Kobe Bryant, the latter of whom ultimately welcomed Jackson back to the Lakers' couch/bench.
Silvio DanteScottie Pippen
Both are very effective as second bananas but couldn't deal with the stress of being top dog. Silvio's asthma made him feel like he was choking; Pippen choked by petulantly removing himself from a playoff game because Toni Kukoc was taking the last shot.
Paulie WalnutsRon Artest
Paulie can be warm-hearted and generous -- see how well he took care of his mom until, uh, she turned out to be his aunt -- but if you cross him, brace yourself for a beating. Artest is usually a sweetheart until he feels wronged, and then all hell breaks loose. Neither is a model of mental stability.
Johnny SackIsiah Thomas
Johnny Sack was once the feared New York boss but is now a convict who blubbers at his daughter's wedding. Isiah is the New York Knicks' boss who should be locked up for making Knicks fans cry.

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