
| Posted: Monday July 31, 2006 10:01AM; Updated: Monday July 31, 2006 1:37PM
1. The World Series of Poker kicked off on Friday, bigger and glitzier than ever. Mikey the Chimpanzee was in town, but did not participate in the event. He knew he'd get knocked out by the St. Bernard from all those paintings. 2. Phillies second baseman Chase Utley extended his hitting streak to 31 games on Sunday with hits in both ends of a doubleheader. In an even more notable development, Utley somehow avoided becoming a Yankee. 3. Cyclist Floyd Landis insists that there is a perfectly legal and natural reason that his testosterone level was elevated after Stage 17. Landis has even suggested that the alcohol that he drank the night before might have triggered the positive test. This is believed to be the first straight-faced use of the "beer muscles" defense. 4. The athletic landscape is a little poorer today now that the sport of conger cuddling has been banned. The pastime, once considered the most fun one could have with a dead fish (what was in second place?), has run afoul of animal-rights activists. The sport, popular in the fishing town of Lyme Regis in southwest England, traditionally matched two teams standing on small wooden blocks. The goal was to knock one's opponents off the blocks by hitting them with a conger eel tied to a rope. Alas, animal-rights groups claim that the sport is "disrespectful" to the dead eels. On the plus side, though, at least conger cuddling bows out without a single doping controversy. 5. The Canadian government is preparing to seek proposals for a potential supplier of medicinal marijuana to its national health-care system. Well, it's good to know that Ricky Williams' CFL stint might pay off after all. 6. Skier Bode Miller played baseball for the minor league Nashua (N.H.) Pride on Saturday and made the catch of the game, leaping for a ball in left field and then tumbling onto the warning track. Miller credited the catch to his proven expertise at hitting the ground. 7. Are you a member of Red Sox Nation who longs to sit on the same throne as your heroes? Then this online auction is for you. Lelands.com is offering the toilet that sat in the Fenway Park home clubhouse from the start of the 1986 season until the remodeling that took place shortly before the team's 2004 world championship. Not surprisingly, the pitch is replete with forced puns and bathroom humor, such as identifying the "porcelain piece" as a "symbol" of the franchise's "waste-d opportunity and flushed dreams." It's not every day that we encounter a sentence like this: "This toilet did have the chance to catch for Roger Clemens." Charming. 8. Strange sports headline of the week: Bears running back Thomas Jones was injured last Thursday while taking his team physical. Hey, what ever happened to "First, do no harm"? 9. A minor league pitcher in the Dodgers' system was arrested last week and charged with stealing credit cards and cash from his teammates. Police caught him by using a hidden camera. Alas, there are no leads on who stole the team's offense. 10. Reader feedback: A number of you wrote in to suggest additions to Friday's list of short sporting reigns or tenures. Those who wanted to see the likes of Rosie Ruiz and Ben Johnson should know that we choose not to duplicate SI.com's list of great sports cheating controversies. The most popular suggestion was Rasheed Wallace's one-game stay with the Hawks before heading to the Pistons in 2004. Others wanted to see mention of Neil Smith's brief tenure this year as Islanders GM, or the scuttled sale by A's owner Charles Finley of Rollie Fingers and Joe Rudi to the Red Sox and Vida Blue to the Yanks in 1976 (commissioner Bowie Kuhn overruled the deals). Another notable choice was Ted Turner's one-game managerial stint for the Braves in 1977. Furthermore, Thursday's mailbag was full of letters saying that the explanation offered by 10 Spot reader Brad of Santa Barbara, Calif., on how a ball is fouled back to the screen had more holes than Mario Mendoza's swing. Many of the responses cited physics, geometry, calculus and other subjects that I specifically have tried to avoid by becoming a sportswriter, so this will be the final word on the topic.
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