Replacement quarterbacks will shine in Week 14

Anyone left standing for the Steelers? Whoever is, you'd better not lose at home to the Browns. That'd be the ultimate slap in Bill Cowher's face.

In a tearful appeal to FOX's Jay Glazer before the game, an unshaven Chad Johnson stares into the camera and says: "I am not a crook."

In consecutive weeks, the Titans have beaten the Eagles, Giants and Colts, each time winning over a team with a better record. That's the mark of an excellent coaching staff. A win here, and whoda thunk it? Tennessee will be 6-2 in the last nine weeks.

Or, rather, Lawrence Tynes 18, Matt Stover 15. I feel the weekly tap on the shoulder from David Neal, my NBC honcho, in the fourth quarter of the games Sunday afternoon. "Peter," he says, "get Herman Edwards on the phone after the game. Ask him how it feels to coach the Kansas City Jeckyl-and-Hydes."

How many more meaningless December games do the Lions have to play before William Clay Ford looks down on his Honolulu-blue-clad Leos and says, "You know, I think six years is long enough for Matt Millen?"

Had to chortle the other day when I heard New York talk show giant Chris Russo say: "This is the first must-win game the Colts have played in a while." Uh, right. A loss would mean the Colts would have a two-game lead in the AFC South with three to play. As we've seen in the last couple of years, homefield in the playoffs (Carolina over Chicago, Carolina over Giants, Pittsburgh over Indy, Pittsburgh over Denver) is a guarantee of nothing.

Midway through the third quarter, Jon Gruden subs Tim Rattay for Bruce "This Year's Version of Kyle Orton" Gradkowski. And he thinks to himself: "You know, we've got to redouble our efforts to sign Chris Simms before free agency starts."

Something about the Patriots doesn't feel right. Strange, when you have to struggle mightily to beat Detroit at home in December. This was the toughest game to pick on my dance card this week. I have no confidence in my choice whatsoever. What I need to start seeing out of the Pats is five good 50- to 75-yard drives a game.

How do you pick this game? Tell me. I'm dying to know. I'll throw this out there: Giants are too good to go down like this, particularly on the defensive front. And Eli, survival games like this one are why they paid you the big dough.

Toughest three-game stretch of the playoff-contending season (at Washington, at Giants, at Dallas on Christmas afternoon) begins, but Jeff Garcia again looks like Steve Young back there -- accurate, mobile, confident. Can the Eagles actually make the playoffs with Terrell Owens' favorite QB under center?

Mike Nolan runs his record to 2-0 in a suit.

Game of the day. It's too late to save Denny Green's job, but real-deal Matt Leinart gives the mega-frustrated Cardinals fans reason to pay attention this month. He's masterful in out-dueling Matt Hasselbeck.

The second and fifth men on my current NFL coach of the year ballot standings meet in the swamps of Jersey. As he should, Eric Mangini defeats Dick Jauron.

Memo to Jay Cutler: You played at Vanderbilt. You know what tough times are like. And I guarantee you it won't be like this, with Shawne Merriman tormenting you for three hours, every Sunday in this new league.

I am positive that at some point in the second half, former Dallas offensive coordinator Sean Payton will look at Tony Romo and say to a trusted aide: "I taught this kid too well."

Lovie Smith goes and does it. He yanks Rex Grossman at halftime after Bad Rex throws his second pick of the game late in the second quarter, and the 68th NFL life of Brian Griese is born in the Ed Jones Dome. Son of Bob leads the Bears to the win and guarantees his spot in the pilot's chair through January.