Fun with the NFL Draft, college baseball's five worst teams

By David Isaacs

Welcome to this week's version of the Monday Awards, where Calvin Johnson's 40-yard dash time ripped a hole in the space-time continuum and Al Davis' newest smokescreen involves taking Greg Oden with the first overall pick.

NFL Draft Broadcast Odds

Will Laura Quinn appear at the draft in an A.J. Hawk jersey, a Brady Quinn jersey or a combination of the two. John W. McDonough/SI

With the NFL Draft just a few days away, the official SIOC oddsmakers are willing to take bets on the following events occurring:

100 to 1: Pacman Jones joins the ESPN broadcast team is a guest analyst.

75 to 1: Laura Quinn, Brady Quinn's sister, will be seen at her brother's table wearing several jerseys throughout the night, along the same lines of the half-and-half jersey she wore at the 2006 Fiesta Bowl. Half the shirt will be her husband's (A.J. Hawk) No. 50 Packers jersey, and the other side (depending on the team that happens to be on the clock) will have Brady's No. 10.

50 to 1: Roger Goodell stops just before announcing that the Raiders' No. 1 pick is "cat." A senile Al Davis is barred from writing the Raiders' picks on the notecard from that point on.

30 to 1: Marshawn Lynch, who tried to ghost ride an injury cart back in October, settles for ghost riding a segway or moped to the podium after his name is called.

7 to 1: Mel Kiper Jr., after predicting 119 of the first 122 picks correctly, resigns as ESPN's top draft expert, citing a "waning ability to accurately forecast the NFL Draft."

Even: Matt Millen makes an even stronger case to get himself fired by selecting Georgia Tech's Calvin Johnson, the fourth wide receiver drafted by the Lions in the first round over the past five years.

Top Three NFL Draft Prospect Names

3. H.B. Blades -- Horatio Benedict Blades is a 5-foot-10 linebacker out of Pittsburgh. In addition to a propensity to rack up double-digit tackles, Blades possesses a badass last name. The senior is projected to go anywhere in the mid-to-late rounds.

2. Mansfield Wrotto -- In his four years at Georgia Tech, Wrotto has gone from a defensive lineman to a guard, back to defensive lineman (in the same season) before finally converting to the O-line in his senior year. And naturally, teams are projecting Wrotto as a guard in the NFL. While he might have to keep bouncing around in order to find the position that works best, one thing will stay the same: his awesome first name.

1. Quinn Pitcock -- In his Ohio State player profile, Quinn's first hobby is listed as "working with computers," and his favorite subjects are "math and science." A little nerdy? Perhaps, but maybe it's because the 6-3, 295 pound defensive tackle saves it all for the football field. Pitcock is projected to go anywhere from the third to fourth rounds.

Bottom Three Baseball Teams

With apologies to Iona, the distinction of the worst team now belongs to another school. Recalling a familiar theme used on the Monday Awards, it's time to introduce some teams that are having a rough season, baseball style.

3. Siena (4-25)

Even though Siena has an ugly win percentage of .153, the Saints aren't in the cellar of the MAAC. They are a full game ahead of Niagara, but Siena's overall win percentage is still third lowest in the nation. It might have something to do with the team's 7.58 ERA. The only pitcher doing well is Matt Moberg, who has a 3.55 ERA in seven starts, but is 1-5.

2. Chicago State (3-35)

The Cougars have lost each of their last four games by two runs or less, but this season's main theme isn't exactly close games and tough luck. In their 38 games, Chicago State has been outscored 336-108, and only two of its wins have come against D-I schools.

1. Coppin State (0-36)

Imagine Roseanne, Rosie O'Donnell, and Lisa Lampanelli getting together to put out a bikini calendar. Enough to make you want to gouge your eyes out? It might be worse for Coppin State fans when they look at stats of their team's starting pitchers, which is just a rotation that consists of position players from their roster of 11. Teon Richburg leads the staff with a 10.99 ERA, and it gets much, much worse. Drew Boyer picked up his ninth loss in 13 appearances on Sunday. Harry Williams (0-7) has given up 113 hits in 46 1/3 innings pitched. Archie Scot has 10 wild pitches and has hit 14 batters in 25 innings pitched. And after giving up three earned runs in 1 2/3 IP on Sunday, Sebastian Fomenko actually lowered his ERA from 21.97 to 21.51. While the "Coppin State 11" are having trouble on the mound, they sadly extend beyond that. The Eagles are hitting under .160 as a team, barely fielding above a .900 clip, and have been outscored 521-43.

Think a team or player is deserving of an award next week? Have a stat of the week? Disagree with the way things stack up? E-mail mondayawards@gmail.com