By Ty Hildenbrandt

The Jim Levenstein "Quick Trigger" Award

	Keyshawn Johnson claims that Calvin Johnson could be the best WR ever ... while Brady Quinn was just happy to finally be drafted. David Bergman/SI

To ESPN(?) analyst(?!?) Keyshawn Johnson, who casually mentioned that Georgia Tech's Calvin Johnson could be the best player to ever line up at wide receiver ... before he was drafted, and yes, before he had ever played a down of NFL football. Whoa, Keyshawn... easy on the gas. In a related story, Geraldo Rivera called and is looking for an extra copy writer ...

The Aaron Rodgers Annual "Johnny Drama" Award

To Brady Quinn, who was involuntarily subjected to the only drama that made the first round interesting. Give the guy credit for being as classy as he was even after losing at least $20 million by plummeting to the 22nd pick. Let's also give a thumbs-up to his girlfriend, who looked mortally terrified at the thought of her boyfriend moving to bikini-clad South Beach, but managed to keep it together nonetheless.

The Mark May "Chip On His Shoulder" Award

To the opinionated ESPN college football analyst coincidentally named Mark May, who hates everyone from Notre Dame, anyone from Penn State, small children, public displays of affection, people that smile, you and probably your mother. It never ceases to amaze me how May takes issue with nearly every human walking the planet, and though I've never met him, he seems like the kind of guy who'd be quick to find character flaws in Mahatma Gandhi. Seriously, man, lighten up.

And finally...

The Sylvester Stallone "Over The Top" Award

To the behind-the-scenes producers, who milked three rounds for more than 11 hours of coverage; to the NFL Network, for mounting a camera on Joe Thomas' boat; to Suzy Kolber, who shouldn't be paid to ask such asinine questions; to Under Armour for click-clacking its way into every commercial break; to Kiper Jr., who's still nursing a migraine.

Oh, and to the media, in general, for pumping the draft full of imaginary mystique and hype, and, most notably, for making it feel like a party worth attending.

Ty Hildenbrandt can be reached at tyhildenbrandt@gmail.com.