Quinn's wait, Kiper's hair and more from the NFL draft

By Ty Hildenbrandt

Nothing's worse than a party with a kicked keg, bad music, and a disappointing guy-to-girl ratio. Perhaps that's why it's so puzzling that the NFL draft has become a national television phenomenon. Every year the ratings climb despite no really watchable content -- sitcoms would kill for that kind of effect.

Clemson's Gaines Adams went old-school by carving lasers into the side of his hair. David Bergman/SI

In case you decided to live your life this weekend and forego more than 20 hours of monotonous coverage, I decided to set my TiVo, take some notes, and hand out my own brand of draft day awards. Enjoy.

The Sanjaya Malakar "Fashion Statement" Award

To Clemson's Gaines Adams, who gave us all a blast from the past by carving "lasers" into the side of his buzz cut, circa 1991. It remains unknown if this was a personal decision or the result of a lost wager, but it was a delightful sight for anyone born in the early '80s. It was also unclear if Adams paid homage to other great fads by donning a slap bracelet, wearing Zubaz underneath his dress pants or playing Magic: The Gathering in the green room

The Jack Byrnes "I'm everywhere, Focker" Award

To super agent Drew Rosenhaus, who either found the magic flower pots from Super Mario Brothers or hijacked Doc's Delorian from Back to the Future, or both. Somehow, Rosenhaus managed a Forrest Gump-like pop-in on the draft gatherings of clients Lawrence Timmons (Florida State), Greg Olsen (Miami) and Drew Stanton (Michigan State), all within the span of a couple hours. Never mind the fact that all three parties might've been in the same locale; yet again Rosenhaus weaseled his way into significant face time. I've always contended that Rosenhaus is an alien dressed as an agent, and if all three draft parties were in different spots, Saturday's footage could very well be the smoking gun.

The Charlie Casserly "Bonehead Pick" Award

To the alleged braintrust within the Miami Dolphins organization that said, "Hey, wouldn't it be fantastic if we took Ted Ginn Jr. with the ninth overall pick?!?" Whoever this guy is, thank you for the ammunition, it's been tremendous. Apparently, pint-sized receivers and punt returners are now as valuable as foreign oil? Otherwise, this pick makes no sense, not even to Ginn Jr., who probably hung up his phone thinking it was a telemarketer. Indeed, nobody has any idea what the Dolphins were thinking, especially the Miami faithful, who subsequently booed new coach Cam Cameron when news of the selection broke. Speaking of which...

The DMX "Ya'll Gonna Make Me Lose My Mind" Award

To analyst Mel Kiper Jr., whose head almost exploded in the wake of Miami's selection of Ginn, Jr. So flabbergasted and infuriated was Kiper Jr. that he retracted into his shell and remained eerily quiet for nearly two hours following the pick -- his hair turned into a giant armadillo protecting his head from further insanity. Had Todd McShay been within a two-mile radius of Radio City Music Hall, its possible that Kiper Jr. would've vented his emotions in the form of fisticuffs with his intra-network nemesis.

The Roberta Flack "Killing Them Softly" Award

To EA Sports, whose clever commercial for Madden NFL 2008, featuring Reggie Bush, must've sent every Houston Texans fan back to the bar for an extra shot of tequila. In the ad, Bush thanks "all the people that passed" on him in 2006, or in other words, THE TEXANS! As if it wasn't already enough that last year's draft decision is widely renowned as the most ridiculous in history, EA Sports decided it might be fun to rub it in.