The scoop on Superbad, OSU-Florida rivalry, Smurf Turf

By Patrick Irving

With college sports on summer hiatus, SIOC opened up the mailbox and answered some reader questions.

SIOC predicts Superbad will be the summer's best movie, and everyone will name their fantasy team "McLovin" after seeing it. AP

Is this the year the Buckeyes finally stomp Florida in a national title game?
-- Greg Lee, Columbus, Ohio

I don't know. Does Ohio State have a men's "Curl Up in a Ball and Surrender" team?

What's the over/under on fantasy football teams this season named "McLovin"?
-- Glen Danning, Philadelphia

That movie (Superbad) is going to be a monster, so sorry, that bet is off the board -- there will be no action. Just as there probably never is for all those dudes with fantasy football teams named "McLovin."

Why did the NCAA ban coaches from using text messaging to recruit?
-- Rick Keithio, Albany, NY

You mean besides the fact that it's creepy and pathetic? They were probably embarrassed to find exchanges like this:

HuggiB: hey! So you cmng to M-town?
SprStar: maybe
HuggiB: u can start rite away
SprStar: do i hav to go to class?
HuggiB: dont u know who i am?
SprStar: just kidding..i know i don't have to
HuggiB: LOL!!LOL!!

In your Aug. 3rd column, you stated, "And the lucky athletes will play one extra week with no compensation," when referring to a possible Big Ten championship game. Um, that little thing called a scholarship is pretty good compensation. Last I checked, it's worth anywhere from $20K-$50K a year. [Not bad] for a 19 year old with no college degree and no full-time job...
-- Keith Sibick, Nokesville, Va.

Um, that little thing called D-I football is a full-time job. Those kids log more hours than most professors (and generate a lot more revenue for the schools while they are at it, too). That's why no one cared when coach James Caan told that stuffy academic to "stick that bow tie..." uh, in his office.

Big time football players aren't representative samples of the student body who gamely defend their school's honor against the ol' rival down the road. They're hand-picked craftsmen shipped in to operate the lucrative football factory.

And many do value those scholarships and put them to good use. But many do not -- and in some cases, neither they nor the colleges were ever under any illusions that they would. They put in their service, take a crack at the pros and hope for the best. But either way, the schools get paid.

Like it or not, the Orange Bowl and the Sugar Bowl (and the Final Four for that matter) are not "amateur" events. We waved bye-bye to that a long time ago. Who is served by pretending otherwise? Oh, right -- the universities.

What does Eddie Murphy think of Scary Spice telling anyone who will listen that she wants him to help raise their baby, Angel Iris Murphy Brown?
-- Virginia Williams, Seattle

I would guess he's thinking, "Two stripper names and a sitcom title? Nice work, Mom. Maybe I should step in and help out."

Northwestern may not be a Big Ten powerhouse, but the school's AD can kick the crap out of any other AD in the conference. J.P. Wilson/Icon SMI

How can you justify the cheap shot at Northwestern? Didn't we finish fifth among Big Ten schools in the Director's Cup? Can't our AD kick the crap out of any other AD in the conference? Enough already ... go Cats!
-- Mark Smolens, Chicago

Good for you.

Why does SIOC only rank players from the big schools? I went to little Hamilton College (where I once knocked down 10 three-pointers in a game!), why can't we get some love?
-- Kevin Thorpe, Washington, D.C.

OK, Kevin here are the Five Greatest Athletes in Hamilton College history:

5. Some Guy No One's Heard Of
4. Some Guy No One's Heard Of
3. Kevin Thorpe?
2. Some Guy No One's Heard Of
1. Some Guy No One's Heard Of

That's why.

Why does Boise St. have that blue turf field?
-- Mark Snyder, Raleigh, N.C.

Because they'd rather be known as the school with the blue turf field, than the school that constantly gets screwed by the BCS? No, wait, that can't be it.

Maybe the faux bluegrass annoys citizens of Kentucky? Hmm, that doesn't seem likely.

Oh! Because it matches their uniforms.

Should the fans who caught Barry and A-Rod's milestone home runs sell them now or hold out for more money? Will the value of these historic balls grow or shrink over time?
-- Dean Moran, Tulsa, Okla.

I am by no means a financial expert, but I think it is likely the value of Barry's historic balls will shrink over time. In fact, one could argue that the controversial circumstances impacting his historic balls may have already shrunk their value from what they could have been, say, 10 years ago.

A-Rod, on the other hand, appears to be free of these undesirable market forces, greatly decreasing the likelihood the value of his historic balls will shrink. Despite that, however, the steadily weakening memorabilia market makes it inevitable that demand for these (and all other) historic balls will sag over time. So, in either case, I would sell now.

Please finish this for me: "Lindsay, Nicole and Britney walk into a bar..."
-- Lonnie Stephens, Kansas City, Mo.

...And the Bartender says, "Sorry ladies, if you're going to drink in my bar I need to take your keys."

"Don't worry about me," says Lindsay. "I've learned my lesson, so I have a driver waiting outside."

"And I won't be a problem," smiles Nicole. "I'm expecting a baby, so I'll just be drinking club soda."

"And what about you Britney?" asks the Bartender.

"No cause for concern," giggles Britney. "I have both a driver and a baby waiting outside, so I'll just fill this sippy cup with vodka and the two of us will be on our way."

If you have a question for SIOC, email us here (and don't forget to include your name and town in the message).

Patrick Irving writes and edits the popular website http://www.scriptedsports.com/