JayPa's struggles, ND jokes old, BC as Natalie Portman

Unfortunately for Penn State QB coach Jay Paterno and his pupil Anthony Morelli, real life football is a lot more difficult than the John Madden video game version. Matthew O'Haren/Icon SMI

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By Ty Hildenbrandt

The best part about sports video games is that you can undo any Rex Grossman-like performance by, you know, accidentally bumping the reset button. It works like a charm, especially when nobody else is around and something big -- say, an undefeated season -- is on the line. Yeah, it works beautifully. I mean, not like I'd know or anything. That's ... umm .. .just what I've heard.

Unfortunately for Jay Paterno, these tricks do not translate to the real-life football field. Perhaps that's part of the reason why the Penn State quarterback coach was lampooned a few weeks ago after revealing his use of Madden NFL Football -- for Playstation 3, if you were wondering -- as a teaching tool for young understudies. (No, I'm not making this up.) Somehow, some way, you just knew it was a glitchy plan. But at least the graphics were cutting-edge.

Some critics would love to pin the team's 14-9 "upset" loss to Michigan on senior quarterback Anthony Morelli. After all, that'd be incredibly easy. He looked indecisive and inaccurate and excitable under pressure. That'd be putting it nicely.

But once you remember that Penn State has lost its previous eight games against the Wolverines in a frustratingly similar manner, and that JayPa might be using the "Ask Madden" feature to call the team's passing plays, you'll arrive at one very obvious and logical conclusion: Morelli looked exactly how he was trained to look.

So for Penn Staters eating themselves alive on message boards around the web -- sweet mercy, I've gone around reading them -- I'd ask not for disappointment or excuses in this time of annual suffering, but rather for more realistic expectations next time around. It's tough for any player to win games when he's set up to fail.

BIG TEN FOOTBALL MAKES SMALL CHILDREN WEEP

Don't get me wrong, Saturday night college football is a fantastic idea, but watching Wisconsin play Iowa this weekend was like doing a handstand for four hours and feeling every drop of blood drain to your head. In fact, it might've been the only game in history that Brent Musburger couldn't infuse with some degree of excitement.

The Big Ten has always been the showcase for smashmouth, three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust offenses, so boring games should come as no surprise to anyone. I suppose it's an acquired taste. But if we're learning anything, it's that when the Big Ten conference is down, it's really down. When every game feels like a soccer match, there's no real reason to watch unless, well, you're into that sort of thing.

CULTURE CORNER

Kid Rock vs. Tommy Lee -- who do you think will win? Kevin Winter, Frazer Harrison (Getty Images)

How much would you pay to watch two has-been rockers swing haymakers at one another? Five dollars? Ten dollars? One penny?

For promoter Bob Arum, the answer is $5 million. The participants: Tommy Lee and Kid Rock. Look, I understand the anger between these two guys over Pam Anderson and know all about the hissy fit at the VMA, but who's going to plan a Saturday night around that fight? Anybody?!?

And if THAT is worth $5 million, won't rabid inflation set in and relegate the U.S. dollar into the Somali shilling?

I WILL NOT CROSS MIKE GUNDY ... I WILL NOT CROSS MIKE GUNDY ... I WILL NOT...

...cross Mike Gundy. Good hell, when this guy gets mad, he's like Al Pacino. Take a look for yourself as the Oklahoma State coach lambastes columnist Jenni Carlson from The Oklahoman following a scathing article about struggling quarterback Bobby Reid. Gundy may have entered into the rarefied air of Dennis Green and Jim Mora among alltime great coaching meltdowns. That's Coors Light commercial material right there.