How to tell the Pro Bowlers from the pro bowlers

	Peyton Manning will have an impact on each kind of Pro Bowler this weekend. Excited for Saturday's Pro Bowl? Me neither.

Excited for Saturday's Pro Bowl? Me neither. With so many players sitting out due to injuries, the game has more subs than that Jared guy.

OK, maybe I'm exaggerating a little; for all its faults, the Pro Bowl is usually a lot of fun. But this weekend, those of us who might be looking for an alternative to one group of professionals who are traveling from all over the country to compete in a city known for its warm weather can follow another.

I'm talking, of course, of the Professional Bowlers Association's Geico Classic in Irving, Texas. Can't decide whether you'd rather watch the Pro Bowlers or the professioanl bowlers? It's a tough call, but I can help.

Yes, the two groups do have some similarities: they both wear special gloves to help them grip the ball better, they both get mediocre TV ratings, and none of them play any defense. And in both groups, the ones who don't do well often end up in the gutter. But there are many differences, too. A quick comparison will show who's got the edge.

• Pro Bowlers' only event of the year is held in Honolulu. Pro bowlers' biggest event of the year is held in North Brunswick, N.J. Advantage: Pro-Bowlers.

• Pro bowlers wear protective gear to avoid injuring their thumbs. I can think of at least one Pro Bowler who could have used such a device recently. Advantage: pro bowlers.

• The Pro Bowl will feature Peyton Manning. Pro bowling broadcasts feature commercials that star Peyton Manning. Advantage: Pro Bowlers.

• Pro bowlers get endorsement contracts with bowling equipment manufacturers. Pro Bowlers get endorsement contracts with XBox, MasterCard, Gatorade, Sprint, and DirecTV. I'm sorry, I think I just repeated the previous paragraph. Advantage: Pro Bowlers.

• In bowling, getting three strikes in a row is called a Turkey. In football, three strikes puts you on the career path of Ricky Williams. Advantage: pro bowlers.

• Pro Bowlers: known for being hot dogs. Pro bowlers: known for eating hot dogs. Advantage: This one's a push.

• Pro Bowlers have their likenesses programmed into video games. Pro bowlers have their names programmed into video scorekeeping machines. Advantage: Pro Bowlers.

• Pro bowlers have games in which they score well over 200 points. Pro Bowlers only seem like they do. Advantage: pro bowlers.

• Former major-league pitcher John Burkett is now a pro bowler on the PBA tour. Former major league bust Drew Henson still entertains thoughts of one day being a Pro Bowler. Advantage: pro bowlers.

• Movies that feature super heroes who bowl? One: Janeane Garofalo co-stars in 1999's Mystery Men as "The Bowler," a hero who fights crime with the skull of her dead father encased in a bowling ball. Movies that feature super heroes in the Pro Bowl? Zero. Advantage: Pro Bowlers; they're much better off without Mystery Men.

• Actually, bowling has been featured prominently in more movies than you might think. Pro bowlers had a song about their sport featured in Grease 2. The song is called We're Gonna Score Tonight. I'm not going to insult you by explaining how that song might relate to a bunch of athletes in Hawaii with time on their hands. Advantage: pro bowlers. The worst disease you can get from watching Grease 2 is a little nausea.

• Despite their presence on the silver screen, being a pro bowler isn't as glamorous as it's cracked up to be. I mean, if you think autographing a football is difficult, just try signing your name on a 14-pound Brunswick. Advantage: Pro Bowlers.

Hmmm, looks like a tie. Let's go to overtime to decide this:

Pro bowlers regularly polish their balls. Pro Bowlers are still laughing at that last sentence.

Adam Hofstetter's column appears on SI.com every Tuesday. To curse him for putting that terrible song from Grease 2 in your head, e-mail him at ahofstetter@gmail.com.