What it's like to spend time at the SI swimsuit shoot

Jessica White didn't have to worry about the water at last year's SI shoot -- just keeping pace with the Grambling band. Anne Menke/SI

MAUI, Hawaii -- This must be a dream, but the salt water crashing against my face and into my eyes quickly reminds me that it's not. As I'm floating in the water off the shores of Kaanapali Beach, Jessica White is running toward me in a neon pink two-piece bikini.

"I want to swim to the deep end," she says, her sultry figure glistening in the sun as her feet splash against the water below her. "Let's go."

The problem is White isn't really comfortable swimming in the "deep end" of the ocean. In fact, she's not comfortable swimming at all. But that's why I'm here -- to hold her and teach her a thing or two about the breast stroke.

Wait a minute. That's not why I'm here. I'm here to write one of those short blurbs in Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue that none of you will read when the magazine comes out in February. I'm not even sure I'll read the story when I get the issue. So don't worry, I won't take offense.

Whenever I tell people I work at SI, the first thing out of their mouths usually is, "Do you get to go to those swimsuit shoots?" The question is usually asked rhetorically with a laugh and a pat on the back as if to say, "Of course, you don't but I just thought I'd rib you anyway." The only time I was seriously asked if I went on the shoots was by Lakers owner Jerry Buss as he sat in the middle of his own harem of beauties in the Chairman's Room of the Staples Center after a Lakers-Blazers game last season. "Well, let me know if you ever do go," he said. "I want to come."

Sorry, Jerry, no guests allowed, but your postcard is in the mail.

I've finally made it and the realization hits me as soon as I walk into my hotel suite sitting atop Kaanapali's famed Black Rock, overlooking the Pacific Ocean. "You're not going to get any better than this," says Tori Praver, who is preparing to be featured in her second straight SI Swimsuit Issue. "This island is so beautiful."

Praver should know. She was raised in Maui and attended nearby Lahainaluna High School. "It's such a special place for me," she says. "I travel a lot now but I know how lucky I was to grow up in such a beautiful place with the ocean around me."

Knowing Praver really doesn't make me as special around these parts as I thought it would. It actually makes me just like every other local who gives her a hug and throws her a "shaka" sign when they see her. "I went to high school with Tori," says the receptionist at the hotel. "I used to see Tori all the time when I'd go to Roy's Restaurant," says the production assistant. "I've seen Tori around these beaches ever since she was a little girl," says the police officer, watching an all grown up Praver lay topless on a surfboard. "That was a long time ago."

While every passerby crosses their arms and smiles as they watch the shoot from afar on the beach, they all leave after a few moments of watching Praver posing. It's a common theme during these photo shoots. While the issue might be the most scintillating one SI puts out each year, the actual shoots, truth be told, aren't nearly as exciting. The crew of about 15 wakes up around 5 a.m. and shoots from sun up to sundown around 7 p.m. with a short break for lunch. "It's like watching paint dry sometimes," says one staffer. "When we do the body paintings it is literally like watching paint dry."

That may be the case, but I'm not going to get any sympathy from anyone about my current predicament. Especially as I spend my nights partying with Praver and her old high school friends, playing pool with Jarah Mariano and taking a dip in the ocean with White, who still wants go in the deep end.

"I'm going to learn how to swim out there before I leave," she says. "Let's go."

Why not? That's why I'm here. I think.