Forget Heisman; it's time to give out the real awards

Glenn Dorsey has been a beast on the LSU defense, until getting hurt recently against Auburn. RANDY SNYDER/Icon SMI

Heisman fatigue, anyone?

Me, too.

Especially when there's so much more hardware out there for the taking in college football. Let's embark, in that case, on a rundown of the other 14 trophies -- all the while acknowledging that that number is pitifully inadequate.

Where, after all, is the love for the Best Gunner on punt team, the Trustiest Defuser of on-side kicks on the "hands team"; the most selfless, uncomplaining human cannon fodder helping make up the kickoff-return "wedge"? Are they not men? Do they not sleep, eat, breathe and crave an all-expenses-paid trip to Orlando, like other men?

Until these and other awards find proper names and corporate backing, we'll make do with the precious few awards available to us:

Bronco Nagurski Trophy, for the "nation's outstanding player on defense" -- as opposed, for instance, to the player out standing around, (half of Michigan's defense) watching Dennis Dixon fake the Statue of Liberty, then score, vs. the Wolverines on Sept. 8. Should come down to one of these three:

• LSU defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey, last seen being helped off the field following a cheap shot cut block by Auburn. Get well soon, Putt.

• Kansas cornerback/wide out Aqib Talib: three picks, five TDs, a major reason upstart Jayhawks are undefeated, and ranked 5th in total defense.

• George Selvie. South Florida defensive end -- a recent convert from center -- leads nation in sacks (11.5) and tackles for loss (21.5).

Butkus Award, to nation's top linebacker. Finalists (according to me): Ohio State's James Laurinaitis. The Animal's boy has 64 tackles, 5 ½ for a loss; four sacks and two picks for what could be the country's top defense. That said, Illinois fans recall that Laurinaitis was outplayed last year by their J Leman, who had 19 tackles, a forced fumble and an eight-yard sack in a 17-10 loss to the Buckeyes. This year, Leman leads the Big Ten with 89 tackles. Colorado's Jordon Dizon has better numbers than both of them: his 101 tackles lead the nation.

Chuck Bednarik Award. The Maxwell Club honors the "defensive player of the year" -- not to be confused with the Nagurski's similarly non-specific "most outstanding defensive player." Paul Posluszny of Penn State won it for the second time last season, despite whispers that Poz wasn't the best linebacker in his own huddle in '06. By that logic, this year's Bednarik will be won not by speedy, productive USC linebacker Keith Rivers, but by fellow Trojan 'backer Rey Maualuga, whose penchant for overrunning plays and being out of position is often overshadowed by YouTube-caliber hits.

Davey O'Brien Award. This important trophy, bestowed on the "nation's outstanding quarterback" -- helps fill what had been a tragic gap in college football awards. As we all know, star quarterbacks get nowhere near the adulation and acclaim they deserve. Still wide open, I'd say, between Tim Tebow, Andre Woodson, Dennis Dixon, Chase Daniel, Matt Ryan. O'Brien, incidentally, is the only TCU Horned frog ever to win the Heisman. (John Heisman, for his part, failed to win the Davey O'Brien, having died in 1936).

Doak Walker, given each year to the "the nation's premier running back." Does "premier" mean, like, most expensive? Certainly, that's how Lloyd Lake would describe Reggie Bush, your 2005 Doak winner. Darren McFadden won last year, but could get knocked off by Oregon's Jonathan Stewart (whom the Washington Huskies have yet to tackle, I believe), or sawed-off warrior Mike Hart, the Wolverine MVP who's all but single-handedly salvaged Michigan's season.

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