Lamenting the loss of a valuable tool, debating HOF

Loyal Redskins fans continue to push for Art Monk's entry into the Pro Football Hall of Fame. AP

I have a complete run of Pro Football Registers, 41 years of them, from 1966 through 2006. It is the single most valuable reference work I use. It lists every player in the league, his vital statistics, including all transactions in which he's been involved, honors he's won, nickname, high school, whether or not he got his college degree. There's nothing like it. It's put out by The Sporting News.

There's only one thing wrong with the preceding paragraph. The tense. Change it, please, from present to past. I found out the other day, attempting to answer a question from my E-mailer of the Week, Tom Frank of Scottsdale, Ariz., who earns the honor because he added to my own enlightenment on a vital subject.

Tom asked me why he hadn't received his notice from TSN, advising him about renewing his order for the Register and Pro Football Guide, another of the company's publications, which I've gotten for the last 20 years or so. It's good, but not as good as the Register because most of its information can be found in the NFL Record and Fact Book. He got me thinking ... yeah, come to think of it, I never got my own notice, either, and it's kind of time for it now. So I called The Sporting News, publications division, and some woman told me there were no such items in existence.

Huh? Now waaait, just one minute, podnah. I happen to have in front of me ... and I could feel the heat rising, and from the next room The Flaming Redhead, who didn't know what it was about but could hear the gathering storm, said, "Tone it down, just tone it down, unless you want to join that anger management class everyone wants you to go to."

So I smiled sweetly, even though no one was watching, and told the lady on the phone, "Thank you very much," and executed a little bow, banging my forehead on the computer, and hung up and called them back, this time speaking to a guy I knew in the editorial division.

"Yeah it's true," he said. "No more Register, no more Guide. We're sick about it. The financial department decided that, uh, the cost of those publications could better be borne in other ..."

"The bean counters, right? The bean counters got you?" I shouted, cutting him off, in my anger, violating the charter motto of the Anger Management Society: "Don't Get Mad."

"You've got it," he said.

There's your answer, Mr. Frank. They did it again. Those grey souls in their suits and ties and unsmiling faces, the creeping slugs who have never known joy nor anger nor anything except the call of what is "economically feasible," and who always end up in power and eventually will gain control of all our lives, those folks, the bean counters, scored again. I haven't found any similar reference work to step into the breach, only tons of forecasting, handicapping, glorified tout sheets that I could write in my sleep. If anyone hears of anything like the Register, no matter where it's published, different continent, outer planet, wherever, please think of poor old Z and let me know about it. Thank you.

1 of 3