Never have I seen so many trap lines in one week. What's a trap line? When every howdy doody in the barber shop says, "This one's a steal," and lines up to bet a certain way. They're falling into the trap set by Vegas, you see. When I die, I will be remembered by posterity for my trap line formula which has enabled many people of moderate means to purchase condos in Florida. Hey, what's with the handicapping? This is supposed to be a Power Rankings column, is it not? Glad you reminded me. Traps will be occasionally referred to as I antagonize the world with the upcoming numbers:
| NFL Power Rankings |
| 1 |
1 |
 |
When will they lose? When they're caught in a sandwich, coming off a tough game, with another tough one ahead, and the opponent is a lesser team with a measure of anger. Cincinnati this weekend? Uh, No. Ochenta cinco will get open and come up with the big drop, as he usually does. Or Carson Palmer will overthrow him on third-and-eight. Or their special teams will make a big screwup. Don't much like that firehouse style of football they play, anyway. |
| 2 |
2 |
 |
Run defense against Houston showed 40 yards on 17 carries. Last year the Texans, in two games, ran the ball 65 times for 296 yards. See why I like this team so much, but I've already mentioned this more than once this season, haven't I? |
| 3 |
3 |
 |
This is a good team, but not a premium package yet. What's needed is a second wideout threat, such as a healthy Terry Glenn (will we see him this season?) and the return of their gifted left corner Terence Newman, who's almost ready. |
| 4 |
4 |
 |
Still have yet to see them. Will watch them against Cardinals because strange things happen in the desert, as has been pointed out by The Flaming Redhead, who's from Phoenix, wouldn't you know? |
| 5 |
5 |
 |
So they put Brett Favre back in a shotgun against the Chargers and said keep it short and keep it sweet and he spent the afternoon flanging it around every which way. Now doesn't this make a lot more sense than wasting time handing the ball off to mediocre runners? Got to set up the play action, I'm hearing. Play action? In the gun? Come on now. Got to tire them out with running plays, I'm hearing. You don't think spending an afternoon trying to rush a guy who's getting the ball out quickly, on rhythm, is tiring? Try it some time. So the Pack came up with the lopsided stats of 45 passes vs. 13 runs, two of which were a Favre scramble and a kneel, which makes it 11 legitimate rushes. And I e-mailed a very fine person named Nick Stamm of Stats, Inc., to find out if a team ever won a game calling fewer running plays. Yes. Two years ago, in one of those last-game-of-the-season, we're resting the varsity, type of encounters, Indy beat Arizona on 10 runs, four of which belonged to QB Jim Sorgi. The variety of Sorgi runs was not indicated. But it means a maximum of 10, a minimum of six. |
| 6 |
9 |
 |
Albert Haynesworth is the best DT in the NFL right now. The difference is that he must be in better shape because he's staying on the field longer. There are a few new O-linemen I've already got on my all-pro check list. Vince Young is this kind of QB. You love him if you've got anything invested in the Titans; you can't stand him if you've gone on record, as I did, favoring the opponent. I mean, just when you think they have him trapped ... you know. |
| 7 |
17 |
 |
Well, they beat one of my upset-special clubs, but I'll be a good sport because they played hard and some guys were hurt and stuff. I just hate it though, when the announcers say such wonderful things about how the fans keep screwing up the enemy by screaming their heads off. Now I know the people in the Northwest are nice folks because once upon a time I dated one, but can't they just politely applaud or something? |
| 8 |
11 |
 |
They what? They went up three notches after losing? Yeah, and they would have gone up even more if they'd have tried an onside kick against the Colts, when they were down by six with 2:49 left. I mean it's logical to assume that a team as gifted as Indy can run two measly little minutos off the clock, wouldn't you think? |
| 9 |
22 |
 |
Big win over Denver, which, some folks have informed me, should have moved the Jags above the Texans. They're forgetting, of course, what happened when they faced each other. I don't forget, but are you noting that all four AFC South teams are in my top 10? |
| 10 |
19 |
 |
After they turned the Rams belly upwards, all I'm hearing is how the defense is back, hooray! Ein moment, bitte. They played a team with a crippled offensive line, a club that also lost its premier runner. Win at Carolina Sunday and I'll be impressed. Sort of. Maybe. |
 |
|
|
|
