Corruption, deceit still a major part in soccer

	MAILBAG Gabriele Marcotti will periodically answer questions from SI.com users in his mailbag. Your name: Your e-mail address: Your home town: Enter your question:

Want to get involved in the game but don't have the cash to actually buy a club or even a player?

Never fear, there are a number of ways to do it. You could walk into your local bank, borrow a couple hundred million bucks and buy a club.

You don't think you can find someone to lend you $300 million? Come on, it's not that hard. Tell them you'll build a new stadium nearby and redevelop the current ground into residential units. Anybody with half a brain cell will tell you that residential or commercial real estate is worth a lot more than a hulking stadium which, after all, is only open for business a maximum of 30 times a year. How much would the land the Santiago Bernabeu or Stamford Bridge sits on be worth to a developer? Probably 10 figures.

What's the problem? Concerned about taking on too much debt? Never fear. Here's what you do: once you're the proud owner, simply shift the debt from yourself on to the club. That way, if the club goes bust, you'll be (relatively) off the hook. If you're clever you can pile on as much as $850 million on a single club: it's been done before.

No luck at the bank? No worries. Get into a slightly different line of work. Ask around. There are plenty of people out there with lots of cash who -- how can I put this? -- would love to do the laundry. You can be their "Tide." Here's how:

Partner up with one of these guys. Have them put in, say, $5 million of not-so-clean funds, plus, say, another $5 million in "clean" funds.

Once you have the money, start targeting a few players, ideally in Africa or South America. For example, let's say you like Francisco Futbolista from Equipo FC and he's rated at $2 million. Offer the club $1 million in "clean" funds and the club president another half a million in cash or a nice wire to his off-shore account (the "not-so-clean" funds). If he agrees, you're golden.

You'll have to keep quiet about it and let Futbolista stay at Equipo FC (sadly, those grumpy guys at FIFA get their panties in a twist when anyone other than registered clubs owns players). But that's OK. In the meantime, you can start peddling him to wealthy clubs all over Europe.

Ideally, he'll improve and his valuation will rise, from, $2 million to $3 million. But, even if it doesn't, don't worry! Even if he is still just a $2 million player, you can still secure a $3 million asking price thanks to your "sweeteners": the "not-so-clean" money slush fund. Pay the sporting director of, say, European United another nice half-million dollar kickback and I'm sure he'll be glad to spend $3 million of the club's money on Mr. Futbolista (after all, it's not his money, it's the club's).

All of a sudden, you've paid out $1 million for Futbolista, plus another million buck in sweeteners and you've made $3 million. What's best, it's all clean, which means the guy whose money you laundered will be very grateful and let you keep a nice chunk of it.