We're comfortably settling into our 30s here in Rankingsville, and we've long realized life is a little more complicated than orange slices at halftime of our AYSO games, microwave burritos for lunch and occasionally bumming $5 off our dads.
Even so, we still long for the halcyon days when life was as simple as Double Dare. Instead of answering tough questions, pour beans, cheese and hot sauce on your buddy to turn him into a human taco before time runs out.
Wait, what were we talking about here? Oh right, soccer. Sorry. I'm referring, of course, to the physical challenge. And while José Mourinho ostensibly didn't walk out on Stamford Bridge because Roman Abramovich accidentally got Tapatío sauce in his eyes, every club on this week's Rankings has been confronted with a huge challenge in the past couple weeks.
So, in the interest of spicing up the rundown (and in our everlasting quest to find new gimmicks in this space), we're unveiling the Physical Challenge version of the Rankings. And of course, an arbitrary grade for each. As usual, head over to my Throw-Ins blog to dump green slime on my head.
Note: All rankings, records and statistics are through Sept. 19.
| World Soccer Power Rankings |
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AC Milan
Challenge: opening its Champions League title defense in convincing fashion.
Grade: A-. A stunning free kick by Andrea Pirlo and some usual poaching mastery by Pippo Inzaghi added up to an empressive 2-1 win over Benfica on Tuesday, which really should have been by a larger margin. It's a long campaign, but the Rossoneri got what they needed to kick it off.
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| 2 |
3 |
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Real Madrid
Challenge: putting the Galáctico Era in the rear-view and remaining an elite club.
Grade: A. Is this a (dare we say it?) likeable Real side? Bernd Schuster's stylistic leanings are definitely on display at the Bernabéu, with a combined eight Dutch and Argentine internationals playing attractive, flowing soccer. And let's not forget old man Raúl (30!), who seems born again in Schuster's system. The result is an undefeated start to the 2007-08 season.
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Arsenal
Challenge: finding some stability after the most tumultuous offseason in a decade.
Grade: A. Undefeated in England and the most resounding opening win in the Champions League -- you saw all this coming, right? The young Gunners might be the biggest surprise in the world right now. Once again, proof you can never underestimate a squad assembled by Arsène Wenger. And the Boss allayed fears of a complete Arsenal makeover by signing a new three-year contract, too.
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9 |
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AS Roma
Challenge: proving last season's surprise run was no fluke.
Grade: Incomplete. I'm not sold on Roma yet. Yes, the Giallorossi sit atop Serie A through three matches, have yet to allow a goal and are thus far the most fun Italian team to watch. But they haven't played anyone -- are they for real? We'll find out over their next four-game stretch, which is downright brutal: Juventus, Fiorentina, Inter and Manchester United.
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7 |
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Liverpool
Challenge: getting a result in its most difficult Champions League group-stage match.
Grade: B+. Porto is by far Liverpool's toughest foe and the Estádio do Dragão is a rough place for road teams. And considering how badly they played, the Reds did well to steal a point from the Dragons. Dirk Kuyt's header was a nice bit of aerial work (combined with some awful marking by Porto). Up next in Champs play is Marseille and Djibril Cissé's return to Anfield. TiVo alert!
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8 |
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Boca Juniors
Challenge: becoming the first club to win the Copa Libertadores and Copa Sudamericana in the same year.
Grade: Incomplete. We should let Boca take this class pass/fail, because the draw suits at CONMEBOL are out of their minds. São Paulo in the Sudamericana's first round? Martín Palermo was the show in the Xeneizes' 2-1 first-leg win Wednesday night, but then they had to absorb tons of pressure from the Brazilian heavyweights in the second half. Assuming they can hold on in the second leg on the road, they'd likely have to face Chilean powerhouse Colo-Colo and archrivals River Plate on the road to the final. Evil.
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4 |
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Bayern Munich
Challenge: reclaiming dominance in Germany and relevance in Europe.
Grade: B. The sleeping giants stormed out of the gate in the Bundesliga before heading back to their nap, drawing two straight against Hamburg and Schalke -- the German contenders they're supposed to be walloping. At least the UEFA Cup starts Thursday, and with it a new bunch of patsies for Bayern to use as target practice ... maybe.
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2 |
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Sevilla
Challenge: making an impact in its first-ever Champions League appearance.
Grade: F. If the two-time UEFA Cup champs want to prove they belong in Europe's top-tier club competition, this isn't the way to do it. Arsenal annihilated the Sevillistas in Wednesday's 3-0 romp, making them look way out of their league. Two questions worth asking: 1) Where is the Dani Alves of last season; and, 2) will Antonio Puerta's death haunt Sevilla all year?
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6 |
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Pachuca
Challenge: holding it together after losing keeper and captain Miguel Calero for at least six months.
Grade: C. Considering the Condor's condition was life-threatening (it's the same blood-clot condition Brian McBride had back in '00) and that los Tuzos will lose him for the Sudamericana, the Club World Cup and probably the Mexican Liguilla playoffs, this is a pretty bad break. His replacement, overwhelmed 22-year-old backup Humberto Hernández, has given up six goals in three games. Hopefully that electrifying offense can pick up the slack.
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5 |
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FC Barcelona
Challenge: scoring some frickin' goals!
Grade: C-. Barça seems to have Man United disease. At least the Catalans appear to have busted out a little, showering Lyon with three goals in Champions League on Wednesday. But in Spanish-league play, there's no excuse for a club this stacked to put up two scoreless draws. Fearless prediction: Struggling to find his way in a new league, Thierry Henry will be this season's version of Andriy Shevchenko.
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Honorable mentions: São Paulo, Valencia, FC Porto, PSV Eindhoven, Rangers, Colo-Colo, Manchester City
Dropped off: Manchester United
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