Super Bowl losers lead list of miserable offseasons

	Lovie Smith and the Bears have had a rough offseason since losing to the Colts in the Super Bowl. Heinz Kluetmeier/SI
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For a few glorious minutes, it all played out so magically. Devin Hester took the opening kickoff 92 yards for the quickest score in Super Bowl history, Peyton Manning hung a third-down pass that was picked off by Chris Harris, and it all seemed to be slipping away for the favored Indianapolis Colts.

As the rain came down relentlessly at Dolphin Stadium, every sign pointed to a certain team, from a certain town, winning its first championship since the days it was coached by a man named Ditka.

Da Bears.

Less than seven weeks later, Chicago does hold a certain distinction among NFL franchises, but "Super Bowl champion" isn't it. Instead, the Bears are atop Bring On The Weekend's "Most Miserable Offseason" rankings, also known as the MMOs, narrowly edging another 2006 title contender that began stumbling and bumbling as soon as its dreams were dashed.

For the purposes of this Flailing Five, we define the "offseason" as the period beginning immediately after each team's final game of the '06 campaign and continuing through the present, meaning there's still time to make reparations.

So take heart, Bears fans -- general manager Jerry Angelo is a shrewd talent evaluator, and the draft is a little more than a month away. That, and Adam Archuleta is coming to town. And Tank Johnson might be out of jail in time for training camp!

The MMOs:

1) Bears

Since its 29-17 defeat to Indy, Chicago has treated its fans to an unremitting slew of bad news. And Rex Grossman isn't even on the list.

First, coach Lovie Smith, perhaps in response to his own shaky contract status, booted presumed heir apparent Ron Rivera -- probably the NFL's best defensive coordinator the past two seasons, and a coach revered by most of his players. Smith replaced him with linebackers coach Bob Babich. Then the negotiations with Smith turned ugly, with Smith's agent saying he expected his client to coach out his contract in 2007 because the team's offer was so underwhelming.

Giving Smith, the league's lowest-paid head coach in '06, a hefty raise should have been a no-brainer. Instead, the McCaskey family made itself look even cheaper than usual before finally stepping up and doing the right thing.

That contract dispute, however, was downright chummy compared to the one playing out between the team and All-Pro outside linebacker Lance Briggs. By placing the franchise tag on Briggs (and guaranteeing him a $7.2 million salary for '07 if he accepts their tender), the Bears kept him from signing with another team -- but they managed to unleash his inner monster of the midway.

Briggs has taken public shots at the organization, vowed never again to play for the Bears and seemingly attempted to become such a distraction that he'll force a trade. Angelo answered by essentially saying, "You will eat what we feed you, and you will like it."

Logic says that Briggs will realize that these are the terms of the CBA and eventually come around, but his agent is Drew Rosenhaus, and something tells me this won't end pretty.

Meanwhile, halfback Thomas Jones -- probably the team's most popular and productive offensive player in '06 -- was traded to the Jets for a favorable swap of second-round picks. Cedric Benson, perhaps the team's least popular player, inherits Jones' job.

And Johnson, the team's starting defensive tackle, is adjusting to life in Cook County Jail, where he's about to complete the first week of his fourth-month sentence for violating probation on gun charges.

Why do I smell a Saturday Night Live skit?