
| Posted: Thursday February 1, 2007 10:18AM; Updated: Thursday February 1, 2007 4:42PM
1. Sweat shirt size of the week: The XXXXXXL sported by 7-foot-9, 370-pound Chinese center Sun Ming Ming for the Maryland Nighthawks of the ABA. Naturally, Sun (or is it Ming Ming?) complains that the garment is too small. Indeed, it's so hard to find a good tailor (or schneider, for you Yiddish-speaking readers) these days. 2. Chargers safety Terrence Kiel was cited for urinating in public last month, making him the eighth Charger to run afoul of the law since last April. That's still one behind the Bengals. Man, will the Chargers ever get over the hump with Marty Schottenheimer in charge? 3. Kobe Bryant was "shocked" to be suspended one game this week for elbowing Manu Ginobili in the face. Kobe assumed all was forgiven after he bought Ginobili a diamond-encrusted watch. 4. The media has generally overlooked one thing in all the coverage about how mad Dolphins fans are that Nick Saban took the Alabama job -- namely that LSU backers are nearly as upset. That can no longer be considered a well-kept secret nationally after the audio recording that blazed through the Internets on Wednesday. In it, Saban relates a story that an LSU trustee who remains friendly with him told him about how angry at least one LSU fan was that Saban was now coaching the Crimson Tide. The really juicy part is that the coach refers to the angry fan -- who feels like the once beloved LSU coach has, shall we say, laid down with his wife -- as a "coon-ass." From my 2 1/2 years in southwest Louisiana, allow me to translate. "Coon-ass" is a slang term for Cajuns, sort of the Cajun equivalent of "redneck." While the term can be used with pride by Cajuns themselves (I was genuinely touched once when a friend called me an "honorary coon-ass"), woe to the outsider who tries to apply it to a Louisiana native. And now that he's trying to steal LSU recruits for SEC West rival Alabama, the man once known in south Louisiana as "Saint Nick" is definitely an outsider. Saban has apologized, saying that the chat was intended to be off-the-record and that he was merely "repeating" the term coon-ass (which doesn't seem the case from the recording, but whatever), but be sure to circle Nov. 3 on your calendar. That's when LSU visits Alabama this season. Just to top it off, here's my favorite Saban-to-Alabama metaphor that I've seen on an LSU message board. Leaving LSU for the Dolphins two years ago was like having your wife dump you for another man, a real high achiever, and moving with him across the country. It's a bummer, but at least you don't keep bumping into your ex and her swanky new beau. Saban's signing with Alabama, however, was like your ex-wife deciding that first guy didn't work out, then moving back to your hometown and marrying your first cousin, thus rubbing the cuckoldry in your nose every day. 5. Senator John Kerry says he intends to investigate MLB's pending deal to put its out-of-market package exclusively on DirecTV. The proposed move has many fans crying foul. They're hoping Kerry can show MLB leaders how to vote against something after you've voted for it. 6. Red Sox GM Theo Epstein was quietly married in January. Early media reports claimed that the nuptials took place at Coney Island's original Nathan's Famous hot dog stand, but now it appears that was a hoax and that Epstein was married on a yacht. We're not sure what to believe anymore. Also apparently untrue: Our hot tip that Takeru Kobayashi downed 53 pieces of wedding cake in 12 minutes at the reception. 7. Update: Pregnant Bears fan Jennifer Gordon, whose offer of the surface of her tummy for advertising space on craigslist in exchange for Super Bowl tickets was discussed in last Friday's 10 Spot, has completed the transaction. The 35-year-old Gordon will put the logo of -- surprise! -- an online auction company on her abdomen for the price of two seats at the 50-yard-line. Chicago-based uBid.com was the "winner," and is also hosting what it's calling the nation's largest "baby pool." Visitors to the company's Web site can win prizes by correctly guessing the date, time and weight of Gordon's infant-to-be. Gordon will also be keeping a blog of her Super Bowl experiences. Hey, at least someone gets to go to Miami. 8. Minnesota has suspended all high school wrestling for eight days because of a herpes outbreak. Wait, these kids say they got herpes from a wrestling mat? That's less believable than the tractor story. 9. Wayne Newton will perform during the player introductions at Feb. 18's NBA All-Star Game in Las Vegas. Man, what's with the NBA's endless fascination with these thug hip-hoppers? 10. Super Bowl authorities plan to enforce a strict no-fly zone in and around Dolphin Stadium on Sunday. That means nothing will be allowed in the air. Well, you can imagine the Bears' relief. Reminder: Please send your entries for Friday's all-reader-submission edition by 7 p.m. ET on Thursday. The field is completely wide-open. Send as many entries as you like.
| |||||||||||||||