Posted: Thursday February 15, 2007 10:21AM; Updated: Thursday February 15, 2007 10:21AM
1. Dreamgirls star Beyonce graces the cover of SI's 2007 Swimsuit Issue. Though we can't confirm that Beyonce sent 100 copies to co-star Jennifer Hudson, who critics say stole the movie, with the note, "Take that!"
2. The United Nations named Maria Sharapova a Goodwill Ambassador on Wednesday. Finally, a U.N. diplomat that New Yorkers won't mind double-parking all over town.
3. Game MVP Peyton Manning told David Letterman this week that the Super Bowl felt "pretty normal." Unfortunately for Bears fans, Rex Grossman can say the same thing.
4. I'll take the fifth: If you ever wanted to see Oprah ask White Sox slugger Jim Thome how women should best deal with that "not so fresh" feeling, this is the video clip you've been waiting for. Thome took his wife to Tuesday's taping of Oprah's show as a nice present before he headed off for spring training. We're guessing he started regretting that move right about the time that Oprah, while discussing with a doctor how a woman should keep her nether regions clean, puts Thome on the spot for his opinion. If someone 6-foot-4 and 245 pounds could literally climb inside himself out of embarrassment, Thome would have done so. (His mortified response: "I'm just trying to be low-key here.") Don't worry, Jim, I'm sure none of your teammates will hear about it -- not to mention shoot-from-the-lip manager Ozzie Guillen.
5. Baseball impresario Mike Veeck (son of Bill) will attempt to break the world record of 8,150 handshakes in a single day on June 28 at six minor league games. The old record, of course, is held by Barry Bonds.
6. OK, the mark for most handshakes actually belongs to President Theodore Roosevelt, not Bonds. And we're pretty sure that if Barry did try to challenge the record, he wouldn't start by shaking the hands of the BALCO reporters from the San Francisco Chronicle, Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams, not even to celebrate their good news that they won't be going to prison. While we're at it, Bonds also probably shouldn't shake hands with former Bay Area sports figure Tim Hardaway. That might be too much male-on-male contact for the former Warrior to endure.
7. For driving both drunk and nude, Lions assistant coach Joe Cullen was sentenced this week to attend two AA meetings a week as part of his punishment. The other part is to stay with the Lions.
8. Going, going, Gonzaga: The story of the Gonzaga basketball players is getting, well, more hallucinogenic every day. When police pulled over Josh Heytvelt and Theo Davis last week, they allegedly smelled a "strong odor of burnt marijuana" from Davis. That led them to search the car, where they found a baggie of dried mushrooms that's now in the drug lab. Of special note to me, though, is that according to the police report the officer also discovered "three foil-wrapped brownie muffins" that he contended contained hallucinogenic mushrooms. Huh? First of all, how could the officer know that the brownie muffins contained mushrooms, without knowing the recipe? Wouldn't the alleged mushrooms have been relatively concealed in the brownie muffins? That's some super sleuthing right there. More importantly, though, what the heck is a "brownie muffin"? I've heard of brownies, and I've heard of muffins, but never a brownie muffin. For instance, when I've made brownies from a mix, it often asks if one would prefer "cake-like brownies." (Personally, like most self-respecting chocoholics, I opt for "fudge-like".) But I've never seen a brownie box ask if I wanted "muffin-like brownies." Is a brownie muffin just a chocolate muffin that's relatively fudgy? Is it the result of brownie mix poured into a muffin tin rather than a 13x9x2 pan? Frankly, "brownie muffin" sounds like a concoction dreamed up by somebody very stoned.
9. NASCAR driver Michael Waltrip allegedly tried to use jet fuel in his car during Daytona 500 qualifying. Waltrip has been fined $100,000, docked 100 points and must forfeit all his frequent-flyer miles.
10. He shoots, he scores: Host Germany's World Cup dreams may have faded in the semifinals last summer, but the event will still leave a lasting impression on the German population. The nation's maternity wards are reporting that they will have to arrange extra beds for all the women expecting babies in April. We especially enjoyed the quote from a midwife calling the baby boom a "product of the euphoria from the tournament." Is "euphoria" a medical term? Hey, let's ask Jim Thome!