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'Choices and consequences' (cont.)

Posted: Friday October 5, 2007 5:53PM; Updated: Friday October 5, 2007 5:53PM
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Bell says that Bonds talked about his steroid use at her apartment in Mountain View, Calif., prior to the start of the 1999 season. "We were standing in my apartment and he was showing me what looked like a tumor, a big growth on his elbow," she says. "He said at that time that it was from steroids, and the reason why was it caused the muscles and tendons to grow a lot faster than the joints can handle. That was the only time he ever talked about it."

That is what Bell told a federal grand jury in March 2005, according to reports. Bonds, of course, has denied knowingly using performance-enhancing drugs. And his camp did not have much to say about Bell's Playboy deal. "I think it is something that can be used to impeach her credibility," Bonds' lawyer, Michael Rains, said this week. "It is probably just one more piece of impeaching information for someone who has already filled three banker's boxes in my office with impeaching information."

During the early days of her relationship with Bonds, Bell says she was making $85,000 as a graphic artist in Silicon Valley. She says that for the first eight years of the relationship she lived in a 400-square-foot studio apartment before Bonds gave her cash to make the down payment on a house in Scottsdale, Ariz., that she bought in 2002. He stopped making house payments as promised via an oral agreement, she claims, after the relationship became strained.

Then there's the couple's sex life, which will always draw the curiosity seekers when one of the participants is a boldface name. Bell told Playboy that Bonds suffered from sexual dysfunction, a side effect of steroid use. He failed, as the New York Post cheekily proclaimed, to rise to the occasion. She told Playboy that his testicles shrunk. "He started having some problems; things were not working like they used to and they always worked great up until that point," says Bell, who added that Bonds tried Viagra but did not like it because it affected his vision. "He never made excuses for it or anything. He never tried to explain it anyway. I'm not a man so I don't know, but that has to be hard for a man to cope with. I wasn't going to make fun of him."

Bell has brought with her a binder of mementos of the relationship, from tickets to Giants games in away cities to hotel receipts to letters she says were written by Bonds. Near the end of the scrapbook is a thank-you note signed by San Francisco Chronicle reporter and Game Of Shadows author Lance Williams. The government's investigation into whether Bonds committed perjury about his use of performance-enhancing drugs is still ongoing, and there is still a possibility that Bell will be contacted by investigators again. She does say that she declined to participate in former Sen. George Mitchell's investigation into performance enhancers in baseball. "One of the statements they made is they specifically wanted to listen to the [phone] messages [to Bell from Bonds]," says Bell. "I thought, Isn't your goal to clean up baseball? What are these messages going to do for you?"

Bell would not say how much she was paid by Playboy but did say that she will not get rich from the shoot. She says the money ended up in the hands of David Hans Schmidt, a high-profile publicist known as the Sultan of Sleaze, who brokered the deal. Schmidt was facing federal accusations of extorting actor Tom Cruise by offering to sell unauthorized photos of his wedding back to him for more than $1 million. He was found dead last week in his Phoenix home, an apparent suicide. She appears unusually forgiving for a man whom she claims swiped her cash.

Bell's publicist, who accompanied her during an interview, says that her client is currently talking to publishers about a self-help book/memoir. "Between my diary and everything I have written the last few several years, I've amassed a lot," Bell says. "But by no means will this be a Barry story or a Barry-bashing story. I have to take responsibility for the poor choices I made. It would have to be along the lines of a self-help book."

Her last communication with Bonds was an angry e-mail she sent in 2004, a year after she claims that Bonds threatened to chop her head off and throw her body in a ditch. The relationship lasted until May 2003, she says. Today, Bell has a new boyfriend and plans on going back to college. "I want to be an educator and get kids at that prime age where all the self-esteem issues are there," she says. "You teach somebody the right thing at the right moment and maybe it sticks with them. Maybe they won't end up making the same kind of choices I did."

Asked if Bonds will take a look at her pictorial, Bell laughs and says. "I'm sure he'll read it for the article."

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