So far, Piniella has made no difference for Cubs

	Lou Piniella's scowl has been a permanent fixture during the first two weeks of the season. Stephen Dunn/Getty Images)

After Friday's game, Cubs manager Lou Piniella was asked what hasn't been working for his team. At the time, the Cubs were 3-6 (including 0-3 at home). The answer should have been "everything." But that's not the kind of answer Sweet Lou gives.

"'What the hell do you think isn't working? You see the damn game,'' Piniella bellowed, returning to the Sweet Lou we all know and are deathly scared of.

The reporter asked a simple question. He asked too simple of a question, as reporters often do. I recall being in the Yankee locker room when a reporter asked Joe Torre why he thought the Yankees lost. "Well," Torre quipped, "We didn't score any runs. Hard to win a game when you don't score any runs."

Torre is much more even tempered than Piniella and can therefore handle a ridiculously simple question more often than not. But Sweet Lou isn't quite as sweet, so the reporter never really got his answer. In my opinion, here's what's not working about the Cubs in 2007.

Kerry Woods' arm is not working. He was the fastest hurler to reach 1,000 strikeouts in MLB history in both innings pitched and games played, and set the National League single-game mark for strikeouts with 20. And though he's struck out more than 200 batters in a season four different times, Wood is now the best pitcher the Cubs don't have. The right-hander was relegated to the Cubs' bullpen this season, or at least he will be when he comes off the disabled list. Which will happen in 5-10 years.

Mark Prior's arm is not working. Prior followed Wood everywhere he went. On to the roster, into strikeout stardom, and on to the disabled list. Even if Prior pitches this year, it won't help -- an injured Prior had a 7.21 ERA in nine games last season. So the only thing working about Prior is his workman's comp.

The entire team's power is not working. At the time I'm writing this, Alfonso Soriano, Derrek Lee, Cliff Floyd, Michael Barrett, Matt Murton and Jacque Jones have combined for fewer home runs than pitcher Carlos Zambrano. He's hit one. The Cubs have five home runs in 12 games -- fewer than Alex Rodriguez. Granted, the Cubs aren't in a contract year.

While we're on the subject, the Cubs' ability to score when it matters is not working. Already 20th in runs and 21st in RBIs, the Cubs keep losing close games. Three of their six losses have been by one or two runs. But that probably doesn't frustrate Piniella, since he's such an even tempered guy.

Wade Miller and Zambrano are not working. Miller was yanked in his only start after giving up six runs in four innings, and Zambrano has a 7.88 ERA in three games. Good thing he's hitting home runs, he could use the run support. And it's not just the starters. The team ERA is 4.50, good for 26th in the league. Or bad for 26th in the league, depending how you see it.

Cesar Izturis' glove is not working. In just 31 total chances, he's already committed three errors. A .903 fielding percentage, good for second worst in the league, isn't what you want out of your shortstop. Especially when he's hitting .214 with one run and one RBI.

And, perhaps, Piniella is not working. Following his Mariners' first place finish in 2001, Sweet Lou hasn't managed a team to the playoffs. This early in the season the ship can still be righted and Piniella could just skipper the 2007 Cubs into becoming the 1990 Cincinnati Reds. That was, after all, the only time Piniella has seen a World Series as a manager. More than likely, when the Cubs get it together, they'll become the third-place team that they deserve to be.

But if, in a few months, the ship is not yet righted, that same reporter can speak to Piniella after a game and ask him what's not working about, say Piniella. I bet Sweet Lou will take that question much better.

Steve Hofstetter is a nationally touring comedian whose column appears every Monday on SI.com. See him make fun of more stuff or go and make fun of him at minuteorso.com