Wars up top and on the bottom in the Premier League

	Michael Ballack (right) and Chelsea may be chasing down Cristiano Ronaldo and Manchester United in three competitions. FotoSports/WireImage.com
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Where banter is a mantra, The Limey is back from across the Atlantic.

Manchester United and Chelsea are going head-to-head in two competitions, and only AC Milan and Liverpool stand between them contesting a third. The duo has long since broken clear in the English Premier League and will contest the first FA Cup final at the new $1.5 billion Wembley Stadium next month.

And they may be on a collision course in the Champions League, too. Michael Essien's last-minute winner at Valencia set up Chelsea's semifinal against Liverpool, conqueror of PSV Eindhoven. This will be a rematch of the 2005 Champions League semi, which Liverpool won on a controversial Luis García goal.

This time around, the mind games began immediately, with Liverpool manager Rafa Benítez describing his relationship with Chelsea equivalent José Mourinho: "We were good friends until we started winning, then he started changing his mind. He has very good relationships with managers of teams that he normally beats."

Man United started its second leg against Roma 2-1 down, but the Red Devils' crushing 7-1 victory in the second leg made it 8-3 on aggregate.

"Now I run to father Dante to find out what circle of hell my beloved Roma has fallen into," gushed Gazzetta dello Sport columnist Candido Cannavo. It was a reference to United cutting through Serie A's meanest defense like a hot knife through butter, and to a medieval Italian author whose seminal work cured Team Limey's boyhood insomnia.

United now faces AC Milan in what would otherwise be a battle of the Ronaldos. In the red corner, the king of the stepovers and tormentor of Roma, Cristiano Ronaldo. And in the red-and-black corner, the king of the pizzerias and goal-hungry striker Ronaldo, whose weighty presence has cooked up five goals in eight games for the Rossoneri. The Brazilian is cup-tied, however, having already appeared for Real Madrid in Champions League play earlier this season.

With five games left, Man United remains three points clear of its London rivals in the EPL title race and holds a superior goal difference (+14). If it wins its four remaining games, United can afford to lose the clash at Stamford Bridge on May 9. Its home matches against Middlesbrough and West Ham should be straightforward, with 'Boro having little left to play for, while the Hammers will probably be relegated before May 13. But trips to play a strong UEFA Cup berth-chasing Everton and bitter crosstown rival Manchester City will be less straightforward.

Chelsea looks as if it will need to win all five games, and with difficult trips to Anfield and Emirates Stadium in the eight days before it hosts Man United. Team Limey is tipping Gary Neville's wispy, pre-pubescent beard to reflect on the EPL trophy come May 13.

Further down the EPL, Liverpool and Arsenal have broken away to now virtually guarantee themselves of third and fourth place, giving them the remaining Champions League qualification places. Fifth- and sixth-place Everton and Bolton look assured of UEFA Cup qualification, while Portsmouth, Tottenham and Reading will fight it out for the other spot.