With McClaren out, England needs something Special

Like many people, Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard have a hard time comprehending that England will miss Euro '08. AP

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It's all over for England. In the last Limey, we suggested the national team setup needs new ideas, and not qualifying for Euro 2008 could be the catalyst for the change.

Team Limey pondered this further as we were forced to wait for an hour in the pouring rain outside Wembley Stadium to get the Underground home -- the perfect accompaniment to having squandered our weekend's beer money on witnessing one of the poorest, lamest most abject footballing performances we've ever had the misfortune to watch.

In hindsight, the cash would have better been spent on some concrete belts -- the perfect accompaniment to a January dip in the Thames. Following Russia's loss in Israel, England only needed a draw at home against Croatia to qualify for Euro 2008. Croatia, while undeniably a strong team, had already qualified and so had little to play for.

In contrast, England was desperate for a result. But in soccer, as England showed all too clearly, it can be a fine line between being desperate for a result and just plain ol' desperate. Croatia, a team very much at ease on the ball, ran out a 3-2 winner.

A few observations:

• Wayne Bridge is slower than Solomon the slowest slow worm.

• That the fans booed the man-of-the-match decision showed how unworthy a winner Frank Lampard was.

• A couple of days after the game, Michael Owen had the audacity to claim, "I don't think any of the Croatian team would get into our team." Really?

• The injured pair, captain John Terry and Ashley Cole, both played 90 minutes for Chelsea the following Saturday.

• As a result of Wembley staging an NFL exhibition money-spinner just three weeks before the biggest England international for years, the pitch was a mud bath covered in yard markings.

• Shaun Wright-Phillips, a player who relies on pace for effectiveness, was picked to play right midfield through the muddiest, slowest part of the pitch.

• Steve McClaren has had several matches in which to drop out-of-form Paul Robinson; instead he waited until the crucial Croatia qualifier to introduce the inexperienced Scott Carson. Eight minutes in, Carson fumbled Niko Kranjcar's tame, long-range shot into the goal.

• With Wayne Rooney and Owen injured, England was reliant on Tottenham Hotspur's third- and fourth-choice strikers for its second-half substitutes.

• Sol Campbell and Joleon Lescott appeared to be have forgotten their water-squirting flowers and red noses

• The FA has resolutely blamed McClaren for the mess England finds itself in, not acknowledging the gaff it made in the recruitment process when it appointed third-choice McClaren 18 months ago.

At least one man was happy the next day. McClaren's whitey-white smile was dazzling all around him as he picked up $5 million for being sacked with the worst-ever record as an England manager -- losing 28 percent of the 18 matches he was in charge.

The day after, he jetted off to Barbados to start spending his bounty and to think about how to fill copious amounts of free time. The players went back to the hefty contract-paying bosoms of their clubs. Team Limey hung its hideously damp clothes on the radiator and trudged off to work with the millions of other depressed England fans, feeling lower than the Marianas Trench.

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