Capello brings visions of World Cup glory to England

English national team coach Fabio Capello hopes to hoist the Cup in South Africa in 2010. Getty Images

Earlier this month, many Englishmen believe a savior arrived. And the savior was shepherded into a $1.5 billion stadium in the land of Wembley by three kingmakers from the Football Association. And later the kingmakers announced that a star had come to us from the south and swaddled only in his trademark multi-colored ZeroRH+ glasses and an expensive designer suit. Then we were told that Fabio Capello would be the next England manager.

And so it came to pass, a miracle in the little town of London. And our hearts soared. And the savior preached much wisdom, on issues of sartorial style. "I can't stand ankle socks," he said. "When a man crosses his legs and the trouser leg rides up to show hairy shins, it offends my eyes." Then he described how, "I don't like white shirts, I prefer blue" -- surely an inconvenient view for an Italian England manager. But perhaps a view based on miscalculations of the denier of polyester used to manufacture the England shirt. Why else might he ask: "How can players of the level of David Beckham or Michael Owen have performances so different when they play for the national team? It's clear that the shirt is very heavy for them, even for those champions." But probably those shirts were not so heavy as Ronaldo's Real Madrid shirt when Capello said to the Brazilian, "Aren't you ashamed of being so fat?" shortly before he sold him to AC Milan.

And of the savior many wise men did speak. World Cup winning manager Marcello Lippi let forth that, "Capello is the best possible choice for England." Former England coach Sven-Göran Eriksson said that the FA "cannot go wrong" with the appointment, while former Chelsea and Italy striker Gianfranco Zola added: "When José Mourinho was in the running, I believed that Capello had even more charisma, talent and experience for a challenging job like this one."

In a vision of such magnitude that even Moses was feeling a little jealous, Juventus manager Claudio Ranieri prophesied that, "I think he can win the World Cup with England and make them into a team feared and respected throughout the world. He is one of the best."

But for whom does the lonely stable beckon and for whom will there be room at the inn? Sitting at the bar are men with long socks like John of Chelsea, men who had bravely fought their way back into Capello's Madrid side like David of Hollywood, and holding midfielders -- the key to all Capello's successful sides -- like the Canadian Englishman, Owen of Manchester.

And left in a lonely stable yard? Will Capello finally rend asunder the dysfunctional pairing of Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard? Does Shaun Wright-Phillips give too freely of the ball for a man obsessed by possession football? Wayne Bridge's England career surely relies on ZeroRH+ supplying Capello with the wrong lenses.

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