NFL fantasy musings for Week 5

Raiders owner Al Davis ripped into his now ex-coach, Lane Kiffi,n in a 45-minute news conference this week. AP

By Ben Ice, RotoExperts.com, Special to SI.com

Three quarters of the year has passed, and 2008 has taken on the look of an alternate dimension. Somewhere Rod Serling is lisping quietly while eerie music fades in the background. The Tampa Bay Rays, not the Yankees or the Red Sox, rule the roost in the AL East. AL Cy Young conversations revolve around Cliff Lee, not C.C. Sabathia, Josh Beckett or Roy Halladay. Buffalo and Tennessee are 4-0, and Matt Millen has been removed from the Detroit Lions front office.

If you've ever closed your eyes, clicked your heels and prayed with all your heart for something to happen, this would be at the top of my list to finish a glorious year.

• Al Davis needs to step down.

Maybe "step down" the wrong term. His reign of terror in Oakland has everyone wearing black. His saber-rattling rambles carry the bouquet of Nikita Khrushchev, howling of power long gone, of might long since deteriorated, from a citadel whose foundation has crumbled, teetering on the precipice of oblivion; a great and powerful empire now tattered, held together only by the fading memory of past glories.

Davis needs to be deposed. He is a despot, a dictator, a deranged madman holding onto the thinnest thread of reality. Never was that more apparent than his most recent press conference. I was waiting for him to break out into an imitation of Dennis Green's "They are who we thought they were" rant.

The end of his days are being disfigured by a growing cacophony shrieking indignation, shuffling blame to all but the true source. His latest act (holding a 45-minute news conference to tear down his now-ex coach Lane Kiffin)strikes as an act of someone whose hands are so numb he doesn't feel his grip slipping away. As Mike Shanahan commented when asked about his experiences with Davis, "The press conference speaks for itself."

We need a coup de grace ... a final, defining moment for this most spectacular of years. And I am doing my part in this charade. I'm offering Mr. Davis a seat at the head of the table ... my favorite seat, in fact. Kiffin sat there last week. As did Scott Linehan. Matt Millen was our last Honorary Chairman. So there is a spot readily available.

Let me get that chair for you Al. It's a nice, comfortable seat isn't it? Not too rough on the hemorrhoids, is it? Good.

OK, I feel dirty after that tirade, almost like John Candy and Steve Martin in Planes, Trains & Automobiles ... "So how about those Bears?" If you saw the movie you know what I mean.

• And what a great segue, don't you think? Chicago welcomed the Eagles into their home by the lake, and sent them back to the City of Brotherly Love with a nice pat on the butt and a "thanks for stopping by." The Eagles just aren't the same without the little engine that could, Brian Westbrook. Correll Buckhalter has done a fair imitation in Westbrook's stead, but it's still an imitation. So as I wait with bated breath to determine whether Le'Ron McClain gets the call for one more week while Westy heals, here are some of the pits and patters of thoughts I have going into NFL Week Five.

• After their shellacking by the Dolphins' single wing sneak attack, how will the Patriots respond this week?

I'm not so sure that 49ers fans are feeling so good, knowing that Bill Belichick has had two weeks to game plan this one. After a defensive effort that was more turnstile than turnbuckle, I'm fairly certain the Patriots' front seven will be whipped into a frenzy. Although I generally believe that you start your studs every week, I'd not hold it against any fantasy fan if they saw fit to sit Frank Gore this weekend. And if J.T. O'Sullivan thought New Orleans' pass defense was tough, wait till he gets a gander at the formations New England will throw at him. I just hope Randy Moss shows up this week. He looked lost in the Miami game, as if he spent most of his time wandering around looking for Tom Brady instead of running routes.

• What can we expect from Earnest Graham this weekend?

Mr. Gruden, I'd like you to meet Earnest Graham. Yes, he's a squat fellow, and doesn't have breakaway speed according to dozens of scouts armed with the latest in stopwatch technology, but I promise you when you give him a steady diet of the rock, he pounds it. Graham has had broken loose with runs of over 45 yards in three of the season's four games. He could do it more than once this weekend, if given the opportunity.