Kelvin Sampson: driving away compliance officers left and right. AP

Detention

• If you were an NCAA compliance officer, would taking a position at Indiana be the best job in the world or the worst? Judging by Chad Hawley's actions, it's probably a little of both. Almost one month after agreeing to become Indiana's associate athletic director for compliance services, Hawley quit. He would've made over $100,000 and been the most famous compliance officer in America, but all the money and glory in Bloomington wasn't enough to outweigh the prospect of cleaning up Kelvin Sampson's mess. And can you blame the guy? He used to work in compliance for the Ivy League. That makes him about as prepared to deal with a post-Sampson clean-up as Rick Reilly is suited for television.

• "Don't judge." That's what my mom always used to say, which is like when 50 Cent raps, "You shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house." That's just amazing, Fifty and my mom never agree on anything! Vanderbilt running back Jermaine Doster probably concurs as well. Doster was arrested early Friday morning after he refused to leave The Honey-Pot Bar in Tampa Bay. The feisty redshirt freshman then kicked out the back windows of the police car in which he was "relaxing". Here's the kicker : According to certain blogs and nightlife Web sites, The Honey-Pot Bar is a gay club. But, before you jump to conclusions, keep this in mind, The Honey-Pot Bar also serves great French fries and has a lovely interior design.

• When you run into a bear in the woods, don't run away. Same goes for eight cops in an alley. Riley Reiff didn't get that memo. The Iowa football recruit was arrested on Saturday morning for public intoxication and interference with official acts. The gaggle of officers approached a drunk and partially disrobed Reiff in an alley but the fleet-footed defensive end bolted and, even in a state of severe inebriation, outran the cops for twenty full minutes. Iowa football coach Kirk Ferentz couldn't be reached for comment and while I'm sure he'll publicly admonish his recruit, deep down inside he's got to feel good. A defensive end that can outrun eight cops for 20 minutes while undressing ... imagine what he could do with a helmet on.

• We all know the day after the All-Star Game is the slowest sports day of the year, but we should really extend that to an entire week. As evidence, I present to you two headlines from sports stories last week, both of which have to do with exciting and innovative football jersey designs. Last Monday, the AP released a story on Michigan's new football uniforms. (Get this, "they retain the Wolverines' maize-and-blue color scheme." You don't say...) And then the very next day, "the essential global news network" came out with another story announcing Vanderbilt's latest football jerseys, which will feature a one-inch solid black stripe on the jersey sleeves instead of the former two-color stripe. Truly groundbreaking. Maybe we'll be lucky and get a sock update next week.

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