Bolting For Jamaica
In the wake of Usain Bolt's ridiculousness in Beijing, Mike Leach wants to start recruiting in Jamaica. His reasoning is simple: Jamaica has 2.8 million people. Houston has about 2.8 million people. Jamaica has pirates. He's a pirate. Duhhh.
In case you were wondering what the projected No. 1 football team in the country does in its spare time, fear not. That's why I'm here.
Library: Whoever stole Dan Brown and Janet Fitch, please return them at once ... or you will end up like Heidi.
All Grown Up
Millions of froshies will invade college campuses in the coming weeks, and this year's class is particularly notable for one thing: They're '90s babies. Yes, '90s. Most won't have the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song memorized, many probably don't remember Michael Jackson when he had a nose and I'm willing to bet that few, if any, have even heard of Doogie Howser. But, BUT, the class of 2012 (wow) love them some Harry Potter and these things. And, thanks to Apple, they don't have to endure the pains of students 10 years ago.
Add this guy to the list of America's dumbest criminals: A scrawny 7-foot-1 Cal Poly hoops prospect tried to get away with robbing a bank with a sawed-off shotgun and a 16-year-old accomplice who already had a criminal rap sheet. The most pathetic part of the story, though: "He might never get the opportunity to put on the crucial pounds that could have made him a dominant force in the Big West Conference."
To protest the building of a student athletic center at UC Berkeley, which would require uprooting 26 oak trees, a few student hippies have protested by playing Swiss Family Robinson.
In case you were planning on going buck wild on Halloween in Chapel Hill, you should know that town officials are determined to make your ghostly experience as miserable as possible. The annual festivities on Franklin St., which are known to draw thousands (even Dookies!), are rumored to be cut short by a curfew and an early closing of bars. And we all know that a booze shortage means people like this just might remember every outrageous thing they did on Oct. 31. Gah, the nerve of councilmen!
Hoopty To Whip
And this, my friends, is how you pimp out a car.
Pop Culture Nugget
Zack Morris will never go out of style. Well, wait. I take that back. After seeing this, he's gone. Long gone. Dude, what's with the hair?
Today In Hot Clicks
Jessica Simpson disses Carrie Underwood ... Leryn Franco is dating ... Tailgating products ... Top sports movie fat kids ... More absurd quotes ... Banned 7-Up ad ... Video: Fantasy football.
Odds and Ends
The best foosball player named Elmo that you will ever see.
While Barack and John continue to bicker, our friends at CNN debate another important topic.
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