Lindsay Lohan and Jennifer Aniston can shed light on the ACC. :: Mark Mainz/Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

Sometimes, a situation's so bad our puny, human minds can't grasp the horror and we need an aid, a crutch, to help us understand. That's why 8 Donkeys Blog paired each ACC football team with a celebrity counterpart to show us how bad things really are, and what the future holds. Miami, for example, is just like Lindsay Lohan: It used to be great, but it's floundered lately, and it's too soon to tell how things will turn out. And Boston College is like Jennifer Aniston: It's had some issues since the big break-up, but it's still a player.

The news that people just like you can rent a USC Song Girl for $150 per hour got Selfish Teams thinking: Who's driving the private rental market more, cheerleaders or mascots? Answer: Most schools charge more for the mascots, but the going rate for a single Song Girl leaves everyone else in the dust (including UCLA).

We all have our preferences in the debates that define our culture and our lives -- chocolate vs. vanilla, Coke vs. Pepsi, Adidas vs. Nike -- but now, Angry T has discovered a disturbing trend that might turn you off the three stripes for a while. It's the Adidas Curse, and if you don't believe in it, just ask Pitt, Michigan, Nebraska, Louisville, Tennessee and Notre Dame what they think.

David Hasselhoff had a blast watching Arizona football. :: Vince Bucci/Getty Images

This just in: David Hasselhoff is really good at at least four things: Running around in red swimming trunks, posing nude with baby puppies, telling America it's got talent and filming himself screaming like a madman and frolicking with Arizona students at a UA football game.

For those of you hoping to frequent the Lavar Arrington-owned Sports Café at Penn State, we've got most distressing news. Turns out the current owner was only stringing along Arrington (a prospective buyer) in order to amp up publicity for the café's reopening. Now, Arrington's dishing out the sound-bites, and none of them are kind -- unless you think saying "I hope the plague falls upon the Sports Café" is kind.

If your team's rebuilding, all is not lost (If, however, you are a Syracuse fan like me, that's a different story). The folks at College Game Balls are optimists, and believe in each person's capacity to effect change. So, they've provided a set of simple, easy-to-follow rules to follow to get your favorite bottom-feeding program back to its winning ways. So practice these talking points, stay out of the office/classroom on Monday and remember, in this case, denial is a good thing.

The folks at World of Issac learned a lot during this college football weekend and want to pass that knowledge on to you. So, don't mess with the Carolina cops, stop missing Devin Thomas, make nice with the long-snapper, etc., etc., etc.

The College Football Guys learned a lot this weekend, too, like the fact that Miami kickers wear uber-funky shoes, Notre Dame is barely better than Cal-Poly and "point of emphasis" is becoming an annoyingly-overused phrase.

The 25th VMA's aired last night, and to pay homage to all the wonderful and horrifying moments they've produced, check out EW's "25 Years of the Good, Bad and Ugly" VMA-style.

Kristin Cavalleri, Gisele :: Peter Kramer/Getty Images

A reason for Pats fans to be optimistic ... The 44 hottest babes of Entourage ... Dwight Howard, Tiger Woods and wasted water ... The greatest athletes in movie history.

College basketball pioneer Don Haskins has died ... Jacksonville State's band is too communist for Georgia Tech ... UVA fans think it's never too early to start up those father-son tailgates ... 50 rowdy Gator fans found themselves wearing bracelets after the win over Miami.

The latest Hitler sports-spoof depicts the despondent dictator and Tennessee fan reacting to the Vols overtime loss to UCLA last Monday.

Today's entry in the "things Knowshon Moreno can do that you can't" file: fly.