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Posted: Tuesday September 30, 2008 11:50AM; Updated: Tuesday September 30, 2008 12:07PM
Campus Clicks
By Mallory Rubin
NCAA: Another Word for Big Brother
USC linebacker Rey Maualuga is a killing machine. :: Peter Read Miller/SI : AP

You might think you know what a linebacker is, or a punt or a zebra, but you'd be wrong. At least Bleacher Report thinks so, which is why writer Lisa compiled the first B/R Football Dictionary for Dummies. This dummy-guide doesn't come with a shiny yellow cover or a googly-eyed mascot, but it is chock-full of insightful definition and exposition. To set the record straight, a linebacker is "a defensive player who is legally allowed to kill people on the field," a punt is "failure" and a zebra is "the three blind mice on the field who referee the game." Don't you feel more enlightened already?

Talk Smack, Get Smacked

We at SIOC like to make good use of the office foosball table, but we have a bit of a problem. Every time we're up big, we feel compelled to talk smack, and every time we do, without fail, our opponent immediately rises from the ashes to defeat us. If only we'd had the chance to prep the folks at Nebraska, they might have learned from the error of our ways (which is to say, they might have refrained from calling Virginia Tech "pansies" and "a soft East Coast team," and then losing against to the Hokies at home).

Congrats Stanford, Sorry DePaul

It's the day you've all been waiting for, the day when you find out where your school ranks. No, we're not talking about academic rankings. We're not even talking about party-school rankings. We're talking about Trojan Condom's annual Sexual Health Report Card rankings. Now, to be clear, a low ranking doesn't mean everyone at your school's got the clap - it means your school's really bad at providing sexual health services and resources. That means you, DePaul.

Let the Race Begin (or Continue)
Michigan State's Javon Ringer and Texas' Colt McCoy are in the Heisman running. :: AP : John Rivera/Icon SMI

It's still warm enough to wear shorts, and the folks at The Legend of Cecilio Guante say that means it's too early to start discussing Heisman hopefuls. And yet, two dark horses have so impressed, they're throwing out the shorts rule and starting an unofficial Colt McCoy or Javon Ringer for Heisman campaign.

(Lack of) Luck of the Irish

There seems to be a problem in South Bend, and no, we're not talking about Jimmy Clausen's hair (that's old news). Irish fans are up in arms, alleging law enforcement officials who patrol the pre-game tailgates have gotten up on their high horses (literally and figuratively) and abused their disciplinary powers. Maybe they just want a brat?

The Jayhawks Take Another Title

It's been a long, slow journey, but Storming the Floor's state project has finally come to an end, and top-state honors go to none other than Kansas. Winning the 2008 title didn't hurt, but this state's got a lot more going for it than Mario Chalmers' last-second heroics. We're talking history, kids (both recent and semi-ancient), and Kansas hoops has it in abundance.

Are You an Embarrassing Photo-Tagger?

Back in the good 'ole days, Facebook was a beacon of light and hope in the social networking landscape. Then came the non-college members, then the cursed mini-feed and now the new, frightening design. Though we've all weathered the storm of change, there's one thing that some users (like the folks at That's So Fetch) can't get over: the people who use the site. So if you're a 1,000+ photo self-tagger, a kissing profile picture uploader, a 30-minute status changer or one of the other types on TSF's "top 10 most annoying people on Facebook" list, rest assured you won't be getting an invite to the TSF group anytime soon.

Still Blaming Sampson

If you thought the Kelvin Sampson saga was behind us, you're both foolish and wrong.

Pop Culture Nugget

More bad news for you today, kids. Playboy might be going bankrupt.

Today In Hot Clicks
UFC Ring Girls :: Jon Kopaloff /Getty Images

Reasons to watch MMA ... Dr. Lou drinking game ... Most bizarre catches ever ... FNL returns Wed. ... Lisa Guerrero rips Pats fans ... Vegas vs. Rays ... Video: NFL's hardest hits ... Ali G NBA promos.

Odds and Ends

Who knows how long it'll be before we stop seeing screen-grabs of sexually-suggestive USC-Oregon State headlines ... Man's best friend, coming to a dorm room near you ... A thorough look at Oregon's QB saga ... Another weekend football wrap.

The Week 5 Horror Show

The College Football Songbook is back, and this time it's poking fun at the top-ranked teams who went down this weekend.

'Bama Anthem

If you're a 'Bama fan, this should get you pumped. If you're not, this will only add to your infuriation over the Tide's ferocious resurgence.

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