Dean's List (cont.)
On Saturday, No. 6 USC and Washington State played the most meaningless football game of the season. The Pac-10 contest was supposed to be a Trojan blowout and lived up to its billing. At halftime the Trojans already led 41-0. Quarterback Mark Sanchez had tied a school record with five touchdown passes while Cougar quarterback Kevin Lopina had only completed five passes. The refs could have stopped the game there and everyone would have been better off, but unfortunately there's no mercy rule in college football, and the two teams played a second half. USC shut out WSU 69-0. Things were so bad that USC backup quarterback Mitch Mustain only threw the ball once in the second half. WSU didn't throw much, either. For the entire game, the Cougars completed six of nine passes for 28 yards and had a mere four first downs.
Have you ever seen that video where the lion fights the tiger? You're thinking that the lion is going to dominate, but instead it's the Tiger that wins. That's sort of like what went down in Ann Arbor last week when Michigan running back Mike Milano took on Michigan hockey player Steve Kampfer. Normally, I'd say the defenseman would have the upper hand on the running back if for no other reason than hockey players are programmed to fight. But hockey players fight in skates and Milano and Kampfer squared off on dry land -- advantage: running back. According to police reports, Milano body-slammed Kampfer to the sidewalk, causing injuries that could sideline the hockey player for the entire season. Of course, when lions and tigers finish fighting, they simply limp away and lick their wounds, but for humans there are consequences. Milano was suspended from the Michigan football team while being investigated for aggravated assault and Kampfer will have to wear a neck brace for the next 12 weeks.
Quick: It's two months before the college basketball season kicks off and you are the leading scorer on your team and a preseason all-conference player. What's a good way to go and ruin your future? Try stealing a TV from an on-campus apartment. That's the charge against San Diego State forward Lorrenzo Wade. As a result, one day after being named to the preseason All-MWC team, Wade, who averaged 14.8 points per game last season, has been indefinitely suspended from the basketball team. Back in September, Wade knocked on the door of a woman's apartment to see if she could move her car. Police claim that when he found the door unlocked, Wade entered the apartment and stole a TV. Wade's attorney insists that while his client entered the apartment, he was not the one who took the television. Oh, that's a lot better. He was the one who watched his friend take the TV. Real smart.
There are a couple topics that should never be mentioned on national television -- religion, politics, sexual preference and, as ESPN studio analyst Lou Holtz learned on Friday night, the Third Reich. Holtz was criticizing Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez when he said Rodriguez was a good leader of men, but "Ya know, Hitler was a great leader, too." (Holtz has since apologized.) Upon being told of Holtz's comparison, coach Rodriguez replied, "I don't know what his correlation is." That's a great comeback. Whenever someone insults you -- say, by comparing you to the world's worst mass-murderer -- you just say, "What's your correlation, man?" And BOOM goes the dynamite.
Wanna talk it over? Send all campaign donations and FBI files to Jacob.Osterhout@gmail.com.
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