NFL Power Rankings, Week 5

Do you know what I was thinking Sunday, as the Raiders, Rams, Chiefs, Bengals and other assorted creatures were making serious upset noises? I was thinking of how I'll have to handle all this topsy turvy stuff in the rankings. Now don't get me wrong. I love upsets. I just don't like hard work. Which is what is now in store for you, mes pauvres, as you attempt to wade through what follows. (Send comments t

NFL Power Rankings

1 Last Week: 3	New York Giants (3-0) Bye bye, Cowboys. Nice having you around. Drop in any time. I have now restored the rightful Supe XLII champs to their throne, which, perhaps I should have done from the go. Ah well, when you're extremely good looking, you can't be smart, too.
2 Last Week: 4	Tennessee Titans (4-0) They can't be overlooked, even though I'm predicting the Ravens will upset them this weekend, if they're not too exhausted from the Pittsburgh Monday nighter. But while I have the Titans here, let me give you a name that I've never mentioned before and might never again. Ken Amato, No. 58, long snapper by trade. Long snapped to punter Hentrich late in the fourth quarter of the Vikings game, and as if that weren't enough, raced downfield to cover the punt, downed it on the two, thereby pinning the Vikings in an impossible hole, which resulted in an ill chosen third down pass and an interception, leading to the TD that iced the contest, whew. Had the punt been permitted to achieve the end zone, Gus Frerotte, comfortably situated on his own 20 and possessed of the fires of youth, might have moved his team smartly down the field to the winning touchdown. Serial rights to this epic may be purchased by negotiating with my agent.
3 Last Week: 10	Washington Redskins (3-1) Wow, seven up from No. 10! There were a lot of things I liked about their performance against Dallas, but I really enjoyed the way their DBs challenged the Cowboys receivers. That's the way you win a big game, folks, and rise like a rocket on the Z chart. Fooey on the two-deep zone and other deep thoughts.
4 Last Week: 1	Dallas Cowboys (3-1) It took only one loss to set T.O. off again. Not throwing to me enough, despite the 17 times the ball got flang to him, plus two end arounds, how can you run an offense that way... the usual blah blah. It's a good thing, Wade Phillips said, that our supers want to get more involved. Isn't it amazing how his employers constantly try to cover for this guy? If I were Phillips I'd be asking myself why Marion Barber and Felix Jones, the twin hammers in the attack, got phased out, in a goofy game plan that showed 48 passes and 11 runs.
5 Last Week: 5	Pittsburgh Steelers (3-1) Rookie Joe Flacco looked better against the Steelers D than Big Ben did against the Ravens. To me, this was a terrific game, the kind you'd see on a Friday night in Hinchcliffe Stadium in New Jersey, Paterson Pioneers against the Franklin Miners. None of this giving the ball an airmail ticket and doing an adding machine number with the passing yards. My kind of football.
6 Last Week: 7	Buffalo Bills (4-0) I like everything about this team, their QB, their defense, their special teams, especially. So why haven't I moved them higher in the standings? I thought you'd ask that. Because they're moving their Nov. 9 game to Toronto and I'm firmly against the whole idea of outsourcing. No, just kidding. Too many worthy troopers in front of them. Be patient, Bills fans. If they somehow manage to get by the Cardinals on Sunday, anything could happen.
7 Last Week: 6	New England Patriots (2-1) It's not fair, I know, but I have to admit I get a tremendous kick out of the transcripts of Bill Belichick's daily press conferences. Here's an excerpt from Tuesday's, for instance. Q: How would you assess your turnover differential this week? A: Always like to get more and give up less. Why don't they ask me questions like that? "Oh, I prefer apple, but blueberry's good, too," would be my answer.
8 Last Week: 11	Carolina Panthers (3-1) This team is kind of like a memory trip. Julius Peppers got a sack against Atlanta. Remember when they were saying that he could be the greatest pass rusher ever? Now he's a footnote. Muhsin Muhammad had a big game catching the ball. I remember when he was unstoppable, a big wideout before they were fashionable. Put together some incredible years before his trip to Chicago, and return. Nice to see that they're still kicking it in.
9 Last Week: 15	Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-1) Here's a mysterious quote from Brian Griese. "I want to find out how good we are when we don't turn the ball over." You might drop that first person plural down to first person singular, Brian. Six picks in two games are a lot, even when accompanied by a pair of W's.
10 Last Week: 16	Chicago Bears (2-2) They're a defense-oriented, emotional team. Hard to keep that going every week, but I said that about their Super Bowl team, too. Why did teams run against their defense last year, whereas it's so stout now? Too many pass rushers up front in '07, prime example being Alex Brown benched for Mark Anderson. You saw what Brown looked like against the Eagles, the same stud he always was.
11 Last Week: 2	Philadelphia Eagles (2-2) DeSean Jackson is the kind of guy who keeps both sides in the game. Scary speed, and what they call "play-making ability," but first he fumbles a punt against the Bears, setting up a touchdown, and the next time, he's so nervous that he lets it bounce by him and it rolls, rolls, rolls, down to the four-yard line -- 67 yards net -- putting McNabb and the boys in an impossible hole. "But he is exciting," they tell us on the TV. So's an earthquake.
12 Last Week: 8	Green Bay Packers (2-2) They're concerned about Aaron Rodgers' shoulder. Might miss the Falcons game. I can't help it, and it certainly isn't Aaron's fault, but just think about it -- Brett Favre never missed a start for the Pack. Never! Amazing, isn't it?
13 Last Week: 12	San Diego Chargers (2-2) They had 24 plays for 85 yards in the first half against the Raiders and were down, 15-0. Philip Rivers had been tackled in the end zone for a safety, their defense had given up a 63-yard TD to Zach Miller, the tight end. Do you know what finally turned it for keeps? A 67-yard kick return by Darren Sproles, 5-foot-6, but people say he's smaller, a whole lot smaller. Can fit into mailboxes, they say. Now THERE'S a real playmaker.
14 Last Week: 9	Denver Broncos (3-1) Prater is the best long kickoff man of any I've seen this season...best hang time and all that. D.J. Williams had my No. 1 linebacker game this year, against the Saints. Pop quiz -- what game am I deliberately avoiding? A hint, the name of the team has the name of a state in it, and it was famous for Quantrill's Raiders.
15 Last Week: 14	New Orleans Saints (2-2) Drew Brees is averaging 335.75 yards passing per game. At this rate he'll end the season with 5,372 yards. The NFL record is 5,084, set by Dan Marino in his second year. And yet the Saints are 2-2, which is still another endorsement for the old fashioned values of strong running and firm defense and less expensive treats at the concession stands.
16 Last Week: 13	Baltimore Ravens (2-1) I kept hearing Monday night about how their defense always outbalanced their offense and what a shame it was. Conveniently overlooked was the fact that Steve McNair led a pretty good show in Baltimore, including a 13-3 record two years ago. "Yeah, and then his body gave out and he had to retire," says my wife, who happens to be a redhead. I beg your pardon, but who invited you to take such an acute interest in the sport in which I'm supposed to be an expert?
17 Last Week: 17	Indianapolis Colts (1-2) I guess they needed the bye more than anybody did, with all those guys hurt, right? Or are those more than one-week injuries?
18 Last Week: 20	New York Jets (2-2) OK, it was trophies all around after that orgy of scoring against Arizona, but please tell me why they went for the two-point conversion, up 54-35, with less than two minutes left? I know there must be a reason for it, because Hank Stram used to do stuff like this all the time, cackling madly all the while. People don't forget. Just makes no sense.
19 Last Week: 19	Jacksonville Jaguars (2-2) Has anyone ever mentioned the way 270-pound tight end Mercedes Lewis blocks? Goes after defensive ends and turns 'em and drives 'em. If there's a better one in the NFL, I'd like to know who.
20 Last Week: 18	Minnesota Vikings (1-3) MLB E.J. Henderson, a serious all-pro choice, limped off the field against the Titans. Frerotte couldn't finish the game...bad hand. Is it all falling apart for a team with such high hopes?
21 Last Week: 22	Miami Dolphins (1-2) A bye moved them up a notch because everyone fell around them. Besides, Tony Sparano admitted to me that my rankings mean everything to him.
22 Last Week: 21	Arizona Cardinals (2-2) The clock showed 0:27 left. The score was 56-35, Jets, and here were the Cards, trying desperately to put something on the board. So they run Anquan Boldin into the meat grinder at the goal line and he gets totaled and goes off in the wagon and winds up in the hospital. Why, why, why and why? Grow up, Whisenhunt. Take your whipping like a man and get in your plane and go home and get ready for next week.
23 Last Week: 23	San Francisco 49ers (2-2) Mike Martz, the Niners offensive coordinator, said that J.T. O'Sullivan is the best QB he's had. This is a deliberate slap at Kurt Warner, who ran Martz's Greatest Show in St. Louis. Only a psychiatrist can tell us what originally provoked this deep seated antagonism.
24 Last Week: 24	Seattle Seahawks (1-2) They're expecting Deion Branch back from the post-knee operation this week. Remember him? Super Bowl MVP once upon a time. How we forget, huh?
25 Last Week: 25	Atlanta Falcons (2-2) I have an Ed Hochuli note here. Called a penalty on the Panthers' Julius Peppers for a head shot in Sunday's Atlanta game. Films showed it really was a shoulder shot. Why do I have this here, in my Atlanta section? Linda, did you slip this into my notes? "Oh for God's sake..." OK, sorry I asked...sorry.
26 Last Week: 26	Oakland Raiders (1-3) Lane Kiffin was "fired for cause," which is a Raiders euphemism for "we ain't gonna pay him any more of his contract." The club has now become an organization steeped in legality. Oh yes, this "cause" thing will become a thorny subject for debate among many of the top legal minds, but does it mean that the umpteen Raider firings that preceded Kiffin's were done willy nilly, "without cause?" Oh, we just didn't like the sight of him anymore. That kind of thing. Is Mike Shanahan, who still has to receive the portion of his contract the Raiders stiffed him out of when they fired him, taking careful notes of the proceedings, or is he busy trying to figure out how to stop the Bucs on Sunday?
27 Last Week: 30	Kansas City Chiefs (1-3) This is what the big victory over the Broncos shows...other than the fact that Denver was weak against the run last year, and still hasn't fixed the problem. It shows that the NFL is composed of superior athletes at every level, and if you get them mad enough, they are capable of anything.
28 Last Week: 27	Cleveland Browns (1-3) First half against the Bengals. Derek Anderson, with his job hanging in the balance, goes 4-for-10 for 27 yards, take away yardage from an 11-yard sack and you've got a net of 16. Kato, warm up the Black Beauty (anyone remember the Green Hornet?). Second half was better and Anderson won his battle against...let me look it up...here it is...Ryan Fitzpatrick. An ongoing drama.
29 Last Week: 28	Houston Texans (0-3) Both the Texans and Jaguars scored on every possession in the third quarter, the fourth quarter and OT. Dee-fense! Dee-fense! Huh? Where? One sack in the game. No turnovers. Yeah, football at its purest. Next case.
30 Last Week: 29	Cincinnati Bengals (0-4) I heard about Palmer being sidelined with the bad elbow on Sunday morning, waaaaay after I had made Cincy one of my upset specials in my super duper handicapping column. I don't believe this is fair, and I think Commish Goodell will agree, when I submit my report.
31 Last Week: 31	Detroit Lions (0-3) A note was handed to me. You MUST report on Matt Millen's firing. OK, here's my report. He's been a good friend. I enjoyed writing about him as a player. I agree with what Howie Long said on TV last weekend, which is essentially the same thing I said. OK, does that cover it? That's my report.
32 Last Week: 32	St. Louis Rams (0-4) Defensive coordinator Jim Haslett is the new coach. His defenses have given up 31 points or more, per contest, in seven straight, going back to last season. Am I missing something here?

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