Most players' mea culpas rate low on apology meter

So sorry: Andy Pettitte spent nearly an hour apologizing for using human growth hormone at a news conference last Monday. Robert Browman/Getty Images

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The secret to a perfect apology, according to perfectapology.com, is "asking to be forgiven in the right way and at the right time." Those simple and true words lead me to two cast-iron conclusions:

1. A lot of baseball players -- a lot of athletes, really -- have no idea of what a good apology is, let alone a perfect one. They're completely clueless about the "right" way and the wrong way to apologize. Their wording is all wrong. Their timing is abysmal. Most of them couldn't pull off a decent apology if somebody gave them a time and a place and spotted them the "I'm" and the "sorry."

2. It's official. There is now a Web site for everything.

We all swooned earlier this week when Andy Pettitte, admitted user of human growth hormone and, reportedly, a good guy otherwise, offered himself to the media for a very public hounding. The Yankees' lefty apologized for his drug use for nearly an hour. Called himself stupid. Said he was desperate. "I'm sorry," he uttered, without any audible prompting and with apparent sincerity, "for the mistakes I have made."

Pettitte wasn't perfect in his apology. He couldn't, for instance, bring himself to admit that he cheated. He used HGH only to heal an injury and to get back on the field, he said, not to gain an edge. (Never mind that thousands of other injured players evidently believed that taking HGH was the sleazy way out.)

Still, Pettitte is now largely considered honest and forthright (though, yes, it took the Mitchell Report and, later, a Congressional deposition to get him to admit the whole truth), all because he realized the value of a well-placed mea culpa.

"I am sorry for not telling the whole truth in my original statement," he said. "I never wanted to bring my dad [who, Pettitte said, supplied him with HGH] into a situation like this. This was between me and him, and no one else. I testified about my dad in part because I felt in my heart I had to, but mainly because he urged me to tell the truth, even if it hurt him."

That statement, alone, earns Pettitte major points on the apology meter.

"This speaks volumes about the costs and consequences Pettitte was willing to accept to begin to make things right," says perfectapology.com's Peter F. Goolpacy. "These costs are really important demonstrations of a willingness to pay for the mistake. It certainly goes a long way toward making his apology much stronger, and significantly more credible."

It doesn't hurt Pettitte's public image, of course, that so many others in his situation looked so lame this week.

Step up to the microphone, Eric Gagne, and tell us what's on your mind ...

"I'm here to let you know that I feel bad for my family, what they had to go though, and all my friends, and especially my teammates here with Milwaukee," Gagne, the Brewers' new closer, said when finally cornered by the media earlier this week. "I think that's a distraction that shouldn't be taking place."

Does anyone see an apology in there? That may be the sorriest "I'm sorry" ever uttered. Sure, Gagne feels bad that his family was dragged into this thing. And his friends. And, oh yeah, his teammates in (wait a minute ... take off cap, check logo) Milwaukee.

But, mainly, Gagne is upset with George Mitchell and the damn media for bringing this whole thing down on him in the first place.

"He accepted no responsibility and decided to take no questions after his very brief statement," says Goolpacy. "This last item is relevant because it conveys a clear unwillingness to suffer any consequences, including the consequences of investing even a few more minutes of his time to face a probative press corps."

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