| THIS WEEK'S ODDBALL ITEMS OF INTEREST |
| A JOBA FOR FUN AND PROFIT |
| Common folk impersonating sports stars and celebrities in order to bag free hootch and hot, hyperventilating women isn't new, but Ryan Ward took the art and science to new heights while passing himself off as Joba Chamberlain. Doing it in a New Jersey gin mill while the real Joba was up there on the tube flinging the pill took genuine stones, as did claiming to be such a popular and recognizable figure. (Last year, an enterprising wag roamed Manhattan posing as the more obscure Yankee Steve Karsay, who most fans, and possibly even Karsay's family, wouldn't recognize if they fell on him in the street.) But part-time Joba, whom the real one wants to meet, has a long, long way to go before he tops Barry "The Great Impostor" Bremen, who made a career out of posing as a variety of athletes. It's surprising it doesn't happen more often, especially with relative unknowns. Surely you could pass for Jimmy Gobble or Sidney Crosby long enough to be lavished with suds and a strategically-placed squeeze. I have the same name as the historical figure who married Pocohontas and I've been told, by folks who likely had a load on, that I look like the guy who warbles you don't have to live like a refugee. So I'm not. Hand over the grog and I'll scrawl yez an autograph. Ladies, line forms to the right. |
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| SCORES TAKES A DIVE |
| These are tough times for the randy. First, the last legal brothel in Taipei was shuttered. Then came the sad news that Manhattan's last remaining Scores -- the venereal, er, venerable gentleman's establishment -- could be boarded up due to a firewater license dispute. Scores qualifies as a bonerfide landmark on the Big Apple sports landscape with such luminaries as LeBron James and Derek Jeter spotted in its moist confines. In 1994, Rangers captain Mark Messier brought Lord Stanley's old silver Cup along for a gander at the produce. If this revered jiggle depot closes, young, wealthy athletes will have no recourse in New York at night except to sit in their rooms and play old maid or gather at the American Folk Art Museum and ogle the quilts, decorative pottery and weathervanes. |
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| HOTTEST SEATS IN TOWN |
| As the days and games wind down on New York's two ball orchards, authority figures in the Bronx and Flushing have been sweating rubber bullets to prevent fans from carting the stadiums off piece by piece before the season concludes and all the stuff can be sold. Apparently, if it isn't nailed down, it will be taken home as a memento -- and that includes the turlet seats. Just makes me wonder if people go to these lengths every time a stadium or arena is closed. Is there anyone out there who pinched a urinal from the Texas Rangers' old Arlington Stadium? Did anyone heist a seat (restroom or grandstand variety) from Indianapolis' doomed RCA Dome? Probably. I understand the emotional and financial attachment to chunks of an historic palace like Yankee Stadium, but the Mets' crumbling emporium is another matter. In the early days, beloved announcer Bob Murphy graciously referred to it as "big beautiful Shea", but it was steadily transmogrified into what the New York Post's Hondo calls "Flushing's Big Blue And Orange Noisy Stank Raw-Sewage-Infested Butt-Ugly Eyesore/Dump." Really makes you want to take the faucets and toilet tissue dispensers home, doesn't it? |
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| FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE |
| For those of you who feel WFAN's imperious sportstalk radio host Mike Francesa (left) without his excitable longtime partner Chris "Mad Dog" Russo is a cosmic disconnect akin to peanut butter without tabasco sauce, this little sound clip will bring dewy tears of nostalgia to your eyes. It's from the Coop & Tobin morning show on the mighty WPDH-FM out of bucolic Poughkeepsie, NY, and it begins with the hosts discussing New York Jets fans' true feelings about the competence, or lack thereof, of their former QB Chad Pennington before John Tobin launches into the best damn Mad Dog impression on the planet, period. |
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| BUTT OF JOKES |
| Moving on to fashion news, the Idaho Vandals felt compelled to remove the logos from their cabooses after getting them kicked 70-0 by the Arizona Wildcats in their season opener. That strategically-placed I was rather unfortunate, and one can only wonder what kind of laughing gas the folks who agreed to place it on the seat were enjoying at the time, but as far as fashion crimes, Idaho's trousers are small potatoes compared to what these poor guys had to endure. |
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| ANOTHER LOGO ON THE FIRE |
| It's official. Every good team name, logo and uniform design has been taken. It's downright difficult to come up with one as inspired as this, and new entries can only challenge the public's sensibilities. Exhibit A: the piece of fine art (photo) unveiled by the NBA's Oklahoma City Thunder (formerly Seattle SuperSonics). One blogger weighed in with a bit of graphic negative reaction. To these beady eyes, the Thunder logo suggests a sponsorship tie-in with a fast food chain -- the Oklahoma City Thunder brought to you by OKC. If you like your poultry dished off hot, greasy and fast with the beaks, combs and feet still attached, drop on by your local Old Kentucky Cluck restaurant and score a Thunder bucket. |
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| JASON VS. THE WATERCLOSET DOOR |
| The Yankees' starcrossed campaign was neatly and symbolically summed up by Jason Giambi's little pow-wow with a bathroom door. The Giambino didn't miss any playing time, a notable achievement given that wacky injuries are one of baseball's most great and glorious traditions. To his credit, he even owned up to his klutziness, which is more than you can say for Golden State hoopster hoopster Monta Ellis, who falls -- so to speak -- somewhere between Giambi, former Broncos QB Brian Griese (who tripped over his pooch) and Rockies infielder Clint Barmes, who claimed in 2005 that he busted his collarbone while carrying groceries up a flight of stairs -- only to 'fess up that he was actually haulin' deer meat procured on a hunt with teammate Todd Helton, which raised a few pertinent questions as well as eyebrows. |
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Got a question or comment? Email John_Rolfe@simail.com
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