| This Week's Oddball Items Of Interest |
|
|
| |
For Those About To Rot
 |
| Keith Richards |
There's nothing like a major sporting event to attract mummified musicians. So it is that The Rolling Stones will play the Opening Ceremony of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. That's assuming they're still upright and able to fog a mirror four years from now. Then again, judging by the looks of Keith Richards, no one may notice the difference. If that don't get your pacemaker throbbin', Mick Jagger had said that he wants to cobble together a supergroup for the occasion that includes such old warhorses as David Bowie, Elton John, Phil Collins, Sting, Van Morrison, Pink Floyd guitarist Dave Gilmour and Led Zeppelin axeman Jimmy Page - average age: 87. Now, I don't begrudge geezers doing what they love -- these are musicians I cut my false teeth on -- but let's face it: cobwebbed rockers ain't easy on the eyes and sensibilities. It's downright squirrely watching a 65-year old guy in tight trousers strutting and groaning, "You make a dead man [reach the boiling point of ecstasy]." The statement seems unsettlingly appropos, like the cemetary stage set the aging metal outfit Heaven and Hell used on their recent summer tour. Yes, Olympic ceremonies are all about spectacle, but if it's spectacle they want, the London organizers could headline someone a bit younger, like Amy Winehouse. Then again, she might not be around in 2012, either. And the last time young 'uns were entrusted with a gig this big, scowling authority figures did not exactly say "Thanks for the mammary." Best to leave the tunes to grandpa, I guess.
|
| |
Gourd News
 |
| Punkin heads at work |
On the subject of the Olympics, this space is forever on the lookout for Olympic-worthy sports to replace those being coldly kicked aside (e.g. baseball, softball), so with Halloween upon us, let us suggest the Punkin Chunkin. This year's hard-hitting World Championship will be held near Bridgeville, Delaware on Oct. 31 through Nov. 2. Yes, it's hair-raising action at its finest as teams fire big orange gourds from 15 classes of launcher at distances that top 4,000 feet. To enhance the sports-as-warfare metaphor, the IOC might look into having teams fire the pumpkins at each other. In the meantime, the pagaentry in Bridgeville will be enhanced by the First Annual Little Miss, Junior Miss, and Miss Punkin Chunkin Contest that is open to fetching lasses in 6-10, 11-15, and 16-20 age divisions. The aged-to-perfection Charlie Daniels Band will be on hand to provide the requisite golden oldies. If this event is not prurient enough for you, there is the 10th anniversary edition of Boulder, CO's Naked Pumpkin Run in which contestants trundle down the Pearl Street Mall on Halloween night wearing nothing but a Jack-o-Lantern on their noggins. This one boldly harkens back to the Ancient Olympics where contestants competed au naturel, although if you're considering joining the festivities, be aware that the constable and his Boulder boys in blue are not nearly as amused as the cops in Athens were way back when.
|
| |
Beyond the Palin
 |
| NHL scourge strikes again |
Speaking of airing your views, Election Day is almost here and Boulder is again in the news. On Friday, the 17-year old son of Colorado State House Majority Leader Alice Madden was bagged for streaking in front of 6,000 roaring fans at a Boulder High School football game. Though his mom labeled it a "pretty stupid" stunt, young Tom got style points for carrying a fake sword. And speaking of stunts, Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin was at it again, courtesy of the NHL. After getting her fair share of abuse at the Flyers' home opener on Oct. 11, Palin was in St. Louis on Friday night to again drop the ceremonial first puck. This time, she dropped the ceremonial first goaltender: Manny Legace of the Blues, who tripped over the carpet that had been laid on the ice to ensure Palin's safe passage. Legace tweaked his hip, and combined with the Flyers' injuries and slow start, Palin has become the biggest menace to the world of sports since Gerald Ford was skulling spectators with errant tee shots. Come to think of it, polticians tend to have a killer's touch in these arenas. George W. Bush raised hackles while co-owning the Texas Rangers. Richard Nixon gave the Miami Dolphins a play that was good for an incompletion in their 24-3 Super Bowl VI loss, and now Condi Rice may get a chance to finish off the hapless 49ers.
|
Mighty Giambi Strikes Out
 |
| A-Rod: Still on the hook |
Well, sports fans, they're dancing in the streets of Boston as the hated Yankees have been denied their last shot at a significant victory in 2008. Retired New York City cop Tim "The Stache" Galvin beat out Bronx Bomber Jason Giambi and 14 other nominees for the Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year award. Speaking as a Yankees fan, this space feels the biggest problem is the setup with this award. I didn't like it in the 1970s, and I hate it now. The American Mustache Institute went to a multi-nominee setup to create more races, rivalries and excitement. But it isn't fair. This is by no means a knock on Galvin -- let me make that clear -- but look at the division he's in. If he were in the East, he wouldn't be in the discussion. The AL East is never weak. I'm happy for Galvin, but you have to compare the divisions and the competition. What if the Yankees finish the season with better 'staches than the NYPD, but a cop wins anyway? Does that make the NYPD better-looking? No.
|
A Pox On Their Hats
 |
| The chapeau in question |
With bacterial infections eating the NFL alive, it's only a matter of time before a Major Leaguer's head falls off. Exhibit A: the hat worn by Joe Blanton in Game 4 of the World Series. Naturally, the Rays accused the Phillies hurler of bringing a bill of goods to the hill that included pine tar, goose grease or some other ointment with the capability of altering the flight path of a pitched baseball. That may very well be true as chucking spitters is one of our National Pastime's grandest traditions, but Blanton maintains it was only a little of the usual schmutz. And he has recent history to back him up: big leaguers have been sporting filthy headware of a toxicity that should pique the interest of the Pentagon's bio-warfare department. Little-known military secret: The Red Sox were only able to end their 86-year World Series drought when they developed batting helmets that were as putrid as the rotten cow carcasses medieval armies used to launch over castle ramparts. So if the Phillies take the Series, germ warfare may well have been their secret weapon. Why else would the Hall of Fame put game-worn caps in glass cases? Those suckers are sealed for your protection.
|
Unfounded Rumor of the Week
 |
| Next NHL Commish |
Concluding this week's proceedings with our customary dollop of grist from the sports journalism mill, a source with intimate knowledge of the vending machine in the pantry here at SI.com says the NHL will move to Las Vegas for the 2010-11 season. "All 30 teams. They see the economic writing on the boards, so they're going to put them all up at The Mirage," insists the source, who asked for anonymity lest he incur much wrath for blowing the cover on the NHL's top secret plan. "The thinking is that no one can find the games now anyway and Vegas has a ready-made audience that's always eager for a little boxing. Plus Celine Dion is usually on hand to sing the anthems." Word is that Wayne Newton is in line to succeed Gary Bettman, who our source says is being recalled to the NBA by David Stern. Yes, you read it here first, and last, but before you sneeze in derision, keep in mind that last week's rumor -- Tony Romo's toaster will start at QB for the Cowboys -- turned out to be not far off. Romo's toaster actually started for Navy against SMU, which accounts for the absence of any forward passes by the Midshipmen.
|
|
| Got a comment, question or link? Lucky you. Email John_Rolfe@simail.com |
| |
|
PRINT
EMAIL
RSS
SHARE
Latest Issue: