Living proof: Steelers' Tomlin tells college graduates to 'dream wildly'

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Nice doubleheader for Steelers coach Mike Tomlin last weekend. He made the commencement address at St. Vincent College in Latrobe, Pa. (summer home of the Steelers) on Saturday, and then at William & Mary (his alma mater) on Sunday. He did both without a written transcript. Which stuns me, by the way. Winging a speech that significant is not something Dale Carnegie could do.

In a month, I'll have the same commencement assignment at my alma mater, Ohio University. And so this is a bit of a selfish column. I called Tomlin on Friday to ask him what he was going to do, and to ask him about his message, looking for advice for my gig. I'm not sure, but I may have gotten a better story in our 25-minute chat than the grads got in Latrobe or Williamsburg.

Tomlin's story -- this story, if I may be so un-humble -- should be required reading for college grads this spring. (I'm going to give an e-copy to my daughter Mary Beth, who gets her sheepskin Sunday at Colgate. Incredible, isn't it?)

Thirteen years ago this month, Tomlin graduated from William & Mary. He was a decent college wide receiver with no hopes of playing in the NFL, and he had three choices. He was studying for the LSATs, with hopes of going to a Washington-area law school, maybe American University. He went on the corporate interview circuit and got an offer to sell insurance and make $65,000 or $70,000 to start. Or he could take a graduate-assistant coaching job at Virginia Military Institute, a forlorn program with little long-term upside, and live in a dorm and make $12,000 a year.

"I remember that time like it was yesterday,'' Tomlin told me. "I was talking to a lot of my friends, and they were going to D.C. to big jobs or law school, and I could have too. But it just wasn't me. I'm a sick dreamer. I'm a big-time dreamer. Was then, am now. Money wasn't a big deal to me. I took the VMI job.''

His parents were not pleased. They sent their kid to one of the best schools in the world, William & Mary, to prepare for adulthood. And here he was, continuing childhood.

"They viewed it as me extending my adolescence,'' he said, "and I couldn't blame them. It was not a sensible choice from the outside. They wanted to know when I was going to get a real job. They thought I was crazy. They talked to me about it, and I basically let them flame themselves out in the conversation, because there wasn't anything I was going to say to convince them it was the right decision. It didn't get any better when they visited me that fall in Lexington, Va., for a football game. After the game, we went to my place -- a room in the officers' quarters. It was a one-room efficiency, with a bed, a desk and a couch in a basement. Kind of mildewy.''

"What did your mother say?'' I asked.

"It was what she DIDN'T say,'' Tomlin said. "She wouldn't sit anywhere. She was quiet. That was the stickiest moment, I'd say.''

Tomlin laughed. "I did the smart thing at my second job, at Memphis,'' he said. "I had the same kind of shaky living conditions, so I talked them out of coming. When I got to Arkansas State [two years later], I bought a three-bedroom, two-bath home in a cul-de-sac. They liked that.''

This is what I like about Tomlin's rise. He didn't care about the unimportant things. He cared about what he knew he loved, and finding a way to make a living coaching football. Which brings us to his speech in Williamsburg on Sunday. His 16-minute address had five points. One: He congratulated the graduates for making it through such a rigorous academic place. Two: He reassured them that the training -- academically, socially and work experience -- they gained on campus would enable them to succeed in the outside world. Three: He encouraged them that they'd survive the ups and downs of the world and succeed -- and there would be many ups and downs.

As he said to me: "In football, the first five minutes of action don't decide the outcome of the game. Never. Same thing in life. Life's about sustaining, rebounding, responding. The breaks are the breaks. Deal with 'em.'' Four: He tried to challenge them to leave the world better than they found it; success isn't measured in money, but rather in the mark you leave in the world.

Five: Dream.