Weekend Primer

By Eric Horowitz

Can Tyrese Rice & Co. recover from their loss to Harvard? AP

Your guide to the weekend, SIOC style

Friday

Kissing Decathlon, Utah State University, 11 p.m.
Ever tried to throw a discus while smooching? Students daring enough to enter this decathlon must compete in 10 events while locking lips with their partners. Tim Tebow and Tony Joiner are the favorites.

Saturday

Men's Basketball: Detroit at No. 21 Butler, 2 p.m.
The Bulldogs have emerged as the mid-major du jour. Fortunately, the tournament selection committee is already hard at work figuring out how to screw them over.

Men's Basketball: Miami at No. 17 Boston College, 2 p.m.
We beat UNC! We beat UNC! We beat UNC! We ... lost to Harvard. Can the Eagles recover from their Sarah Palin-like downfall?

Sunday

Men's Basketball: St. John's at No. 1 Pittsburgh, 12 p.m.
Last year Tennessee reached the top spot in the polls for the first time in history. Then, the Vols promptly lost to Vanderbilt. To avoid that kind of letdown, Jamie Dixon hired Rufus from Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure to show Pitt players the disastrous consequences of losing to St. John's.

Women's Basketball: No 7. Tennessee at No. 24 Vanderbilt, 3 p.m.
After hearing about Candace Parker's pregnancy, Pat Summitt immediately flew to Parker's home to begin recruiting the unborn child.

Men's Basketball: No. 3 UNC at No. 4 Wake Forest, 8 p.m.
Last week's lost to B.C. was a real shock to Roy Williams. He team's defense wasn't supposed to disappear for another three months.

Men's Basketball: No 10. UCLA at USC, 10:30 p.m.
It's a diaper dandy convention! The rumor going around is that USC freshman Percy Miller Jr. (aka Lil' Romeo) is considering leaving school early to declare his eligibility for the NBA All-Star Celebrity Game.

National Wrestling Coaches Association/Cliff Keen National Duels, University of Northern Iowa
More than 75 men's and women's teams across six divisions will converge at the UNI Dome. The winners will be decided in the ring, and not by coaches' votes. But hey, no sport is perfect.