That headline is a tad misleading because this isn't that bizarre. Pitcher Carl Pavano is always hurt, but this time he was injured away from the field. The right-hander recently ruptured his spleen after he slipped while shoveling snow. I'm pretty sure this petition pops up every year at this time. However, Hot Clicks fully supports the platform, so we're happy to link to it. It's definitely time to make the Monday after Super Bowl Sunday a national holiday. Former Redskins and Vikings defensive back Fred Smoot recently had a very embarrassing DUI arrest.

Andrew Hyrcza, of Pittsburgh, says, "Mr. Traina, I am a student at the University of Notre Dame. Since finding out my favorite football team was heading to the National Title game a month ago, it has been disappointment after disappointment. We lost in humiliating fashion only to find out days later that the face of our revived program was lost in a hoax involving his supposedly deceased girlfriend. However, I am a glass half-full kinda guy, so I think you should make Sports Illustrated's own Hawaiian beauty, Jarah Mariano, the Lovely Lady of the Day." I'm only granting Andrew's request for one reason. This gives me a chance to remind you that you should never ever send me an e-mail that starts with "Mr. Traina." It's hideous. Oh, and Jarah Mariano is today's LLOD. This happened before the NHL season started, but it's still worth checking out. Canucks forward Ryan Kesler called a season-ticket holder to let him know he would be part of the opening night puck dropping ceremony. The fan, though, was busy giving a pelvic examination. We learned last night that Charles Barkley gets his eyebrows waxed. His TNT colleagues thought this was the funniest thing that's ever happened.

Have you ever noticed that TV shows and movies hate math? (Warning: Video contains strong language.)