Bizarro world

Expos' trade for Colon sets stage for Hollywood finish

Bartolo Colon (10-4, 2.55 ERA) is certain to boost an already formidable staff in Montreal. AP

By Jacob Luft, CNNSI.com

There are times, as they say, when life is stranger than fiction. And Montreal's trade for Cleveland ace Bartolo Colon on Thursday certainly qualifies as one of them.

The Expos, a team doomed to contraction or relocation after this season, have moved three prospects and the mediocre Lee Stevens for one of the best starters in the game.

You've seen the movie Major League, in which the fictional owner of the pre-Jacobs Field Cleveland Indians tries to gut the team so she can move it to Florida? Once the club realizes her plan, they have a team meeting and proclaim, "There's only one thing left to do ... win the whole [darn] thing!"

This isn't much different. The Expos know this could be a one-shot deal to contend. Let's just hope a life-sized, cardboard cutout of Bud Selig isn't being stripped down in their locker room anytime soon.

Everybody knew Colon was on the market, as is slugger Jim Thome and anyone else with a big contract. The big shock was that the Expos, a ward of the state, ponied up the package to pry him loose from the Tribe.

Montreal's top four starters now can rival any NL club's -- Colon, Javier Vazquez, Tony Armas Jr. and Tomo Ohka. Will it be enough to catch the Braves, currently 6 1/2 games in first place and getting better every day? Probably not. But the wild card is only five games away, and with the unbalanced schedule there is a chance the D'backs, Dodgers and Giants will beat each other up enough to leave the door ajar for Montreal.

Even with this deal, the Expos' odds for a magical ending are slim. And with the luck this franchise has had (remember 1994?), the strike probably will hit the day they take over the wild-card lead. That would resemble a tragic play more than a Hollywood film.

Pedro Martinez's ERA in the first inning this season, compared to 3.07 overall.

"If I would have hit him with one of my hands, we'd be in the hospital, both of us, because I'd be there getting a cast on my hand, and he'd be in there for his broken face." -- Phillies minor league pitcher Brett Myers on fighting Yankees prospect Drew Henson in a brawl this week.

Reasons to root for the Expos 1 Youppi, the best mascot since Whatizit 2 Canada's exchange rate means your moral support goes farther. 3 Your favorite team owns part of them. 4 Where else to go for Warren Cromartie bobblehead night? 5 No TV contract means not having to watch 1,000 ads for Best Damn Sports Show Period. 6 Someone has to play the Twins in the World Series.

And then ...

Are the Expos done yet? If they feel like loosening the purse strings a little more, there are plenty of established major leaguers available. They still have a few more prospects they can move, like right-handers Justin Wayne and Josh Karp, who could fetch quite a bit in a depressed trade market.

Grip it and rip it

Announcers seem to have a universal rule about swinging at the first pitch: They hate it.

If a hitter makes an out on the first pitch he sees, its enough to make the homer broadcasters want to puke in their free press-box popcorn. Making an out on the first pitch is perceived as the worst of all sins -- bad baseball. They aren't "making the pitcher work."

Of course, when a player hits a home run off a first pitch, they praise him for being aggressive. They like to have it both ways.

But really, is it a big thing to swing at the first pitch?

How many times do you see the first pitch sail down the heart of the plate for strike one, with the hitter taking all the way? Down 0-1 in the count, the odds now are stacked against him, and chances are he won't see another fat pitch the rest of the at-bat.

The statistics are stunningly in favor of hitters who swing at the first pitch. American Leaguers are hitting .344 when they put the first pitch in play; .228 with an 0-1 count. In the NL, the numbers are similar: .329 on the first pitch, .226 after strike one.

Stats are kept on which players are more likely to swing at the first pitch. You may have heard of some of the leaders in this category: Nomar Garciaparra (53 percent), Jacque Jones (43.6), Vladimir Guerrero (44.5) and Larry Walker (43.1).

Hitting consistently is probably the hardest thing to do in sports. Most at-bats will only provide one good pitch to hit. If it happens to be the first one you see, don't be bashful.

Baseball will be announcing its All-Star lineups and reserves during a one-hour broadcast on ESPN this Sunday. Is this really necessary? They can't let us know without subjecting us to a dozen commercial breaks in the process? Just because the "selection show" format works for the NCAA tournament, it doesn't mean every other sport has to do it. Networks don't seem to get that. They have it for the college football BCS bowls and the college baseball tournament. They even have it for the ESPYs now. The ESPYs show itself is unwatchable; how bad can the preview for the ESPYs be? It gets worse. The managers will choose five candidates for the last roster spot on each team. Fans will then vote online for the next two days. The two winners will get to be All-Stars. This is a terrible idea for baseball. It completely absolves AL manager Joe Torre and his NL counterpart, Bob Brenly, of any responsibility in making tough decisions. If a deserving player doesn't make the final cut, they can blame the fans for not voting them in.

What a country Expos star Vladimir Guerrero picked up where countryman Luis Castillo left off, extending his hitting streak to 20 games this week. Between the two, major leaguers from the Dominican Republic have had a hitting streak going since May 8 -- a span of 51 days. Guerrero, Castillo and Nomar Garciaparra are the only active players with streaks of at least 30 and 20 games in their careers.

With the quickness Mariners closer Kazuhiro Sasaki needed only 160 appearances to reach the 100-save mark, shattering the record of 192 set by Billy Koch.

A's Iron Man Shortstop Miguel Tejada set the Oakland record for consecutive games played on Thursday with 348, breaking the mark set by Alfredo Griffin from April 9, 1985, to April 30, 1987. Tejada last missed a game May 31, 2000.

Burn, baby, burn Angels lefty Jarrod Washburn has won eight consecutive decisions since last losing April 13. He has a 3.02 ERA during his 13-game unbeaten streak.

Griffey   The Reds were mired in a hitting slump, having scored 11 runs during a seven-game losing streak. Then Ken Griffey Jr. got hurt -- again. The offense took off, scoring 22 runs while taking three of four from the Cubs this week. Cincy is 28-16 without Griffey; 13-20 when he is active. ... What was up with Todd Hundley giving the Reds' dugout the bird after hitting a home run Wednesday? ... Since the Padres are in last place, they figure they should at least give their kids a chance to play. They have called up 20-year-old lefty Oliver Perez and righty Jacob Peavy (21) and given them spots in the rotation. Perez has been solid, going 2-0 with a 2.41 ERA in his first three starts, including a win against the Yankees. ... It seems players will never get tired of going to the "he never played" card when ripping the skipper. Disgruntled Blue Jays OF Raul Mondesi on his benching by manager Carlos Tosca: "He only has two weeks being a manager in the big leagues. He never played professional. Why does he have to be like that with an everyday player for no reason. ... It's stupid."

 

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