|
Commencement: Draft-Class Superlatives
by Dan
Shanoff
Posted: Thu June 18,
1998
Good morning, dear parents, posses, agents, toadies,
summer-league coaches and—of course—the members
of the NBA Draft Class of 1998. We would call you
graduates, but perhaps that's not the most accurate
word....
We are gathered here to salute you, as you prepare to make
the leap from dorm to mansion...exam to endorsement...bus
to BMW (though some of you surely got there as
collegians).
A common high school rite of passage is the "senior
superlatives," distributed at the end of the
year—the list of "mosts,"
"leasts," "bests" and
"worsts" that can define an academic career or
saddle the recipient with expectations, or mockery, for a
lifetime..
We've assembled our own honor roll of superlatives to send
off the NBA Draft Class of
1998.
Cue the commencement
music...
MOST LIKELY TO ENDORSE JOHN DEERE:
Michigan's Robert "Tractor"
Traylor, who will also get his pick of fast-food sponsorship
opportunities.
BEST SHOT TO BE A CBA ALL-STAR:
Charles
Jones, Long Island U., whose collegiate scoring prowess will
play well on the marquee in places like Yakima, Wash., and
LaCrosse,
Wis.
LEAST LIKELY TO MAKE ANOTHER SPORTS ILLUSTRATED COVER:
Felipe
Lopez,
St. John's. 'Nuff
said.
MOST DESTINED FOR THE "WHERE-ARE-THEY-NOW?" FILE:
1998 NCAA Final Four
MVP Jeff Sheppard
and 1997 NCAA Final Four
MVP Miles
Simon, whose best years are behind
them.
LEAST LIKELY TO MEET A SHOT HE'D
DISLIKE:
Oregon State gunner
Corey
Benjamin. Too bad we have about as much confidence in his jump shot
as the American public has in Kenneth
Starr.
BIGGEST 'TWEENER:
North Carolina's
Antawn
Jamison, with the heart of Karl Malone and the height of George
Karl.
MOST LIKELY TO REGRET LEAVING COLLEGE EARLY:
Iowa's
Ricky Davis.
Unless your name is Marbury, one good-not-great college
season does not an NBA player
make.
MOST LIKELY TO REGRET MISSING COLLEGE ALTOGETHER:
Ellis
Richardson, Polytechnic H.S. in Sun Valley, Calif. This guy is so far
off the NBA radar screen, he could double as "most
likely to endorse the stealth
bomber."
BEST IMPRESSION OF MATT BRUST:
North Carolina's
Makhtar
Ndiaye, who, like the former St. John's standout, seemed to be in
college for a decade. Also known as the "Barry Goheen
Award."
SAFEST BET FOR THE FANTASY LEAGUE ALL-ROOKIE TEAM:
Arizona's
Mike Bibby,
who will be handed the ball and given the green light right
away for some sorry team. Winning games? Nah. It's all
about the
stats.
WORST PRONUNCIATION NIGHTMARE FOR DAVID STERN AT THE
PODIUM:
Slovenia's
Radoslav
Nesterovic, followed by
Vladimir
Stepania from Olimpia Ljubljana in Georgia (of the former U.S.S.R.,
not U.S.A.), then Greece's
Dimitris
Papanikolaou.
MOST THANKFUL TO BE LEAVING COLLEGE:
Indiana's
Andrae
Patterson,
who says "goodnight" to Bob
Knight.
MOST DESPERATE TO FIND A JUMP SHOT BEFORE DRAFT NIGHT:
UCLA's
Toby
Bailey, who has the athleticism of a pro but the shooting
mechanics of your local YMCA
stiff.
MOST UPSIDE:
Pacific center
Michael
Olowokandi,
who brings the physical tools of a nimble 7-footer, even if
he doesn't have the talent
yet.
MOST LIKELY TO ENDURE A LITTLE
HAZING:
Eastern Michigan's 5'5" point guard,
Earl
Boykins.
BEST IMPRESSION OF VERNON
MAXWELL:
Florida point guard
Jason Williams.
Same alma mater, same scoring punch, same off-court wild
streak.
LEAST LIKELY TO TOP HIS COLLEGE
EXPERIENCE:
Valparaiso guard
Bryce
Drew,
who captured America's heart for a week with his Hoosier
heroics in the 1998 NCAA
Tournament.
AND THE OBLIGATORY MOST LIKELY TO
SUCCEED:
Kansas'
Paul
Pierce, whose smooth wing game and pro body will have people
thinking that he's Scottie Pippen with a better
jumper.
| 
