McLovin' cutting a rug with his new wife.

Here's the reason I missed my Phillies in Game 1 against the Dodgers. My new bride made me miss the game to go see a Broadway play. It was hell. Friends were texting me throughout as I sat there taking in Anton Checkov's "The Seagull."

I can save you $78 if you're thinking of seeing "The Seagull." It's rough. In every way possible. It's long and depressing and the seat were way too tight for a big man like me.

What's the deal with plays anyway? Why would anyone go to one instead of the movies? They're expensive and the actors get upset if you don't cheer hard enough or make too much noise in the audience.