An Open Letterby David Fleming
Dear Sydney:Here are a few ideas as you begin planning for your Olympics in 2000. 1) Venues. Sorry Aussies, there is no way you could build, organize and run better athletic venues. I was lucky enough to visit nearly 20 spots around Atlanta and cannot report back a single court, pool, mat, track, lake or pitch that wasn't top rate. Ultimately an Olympics should be judged by the level of competition and the quality of the venues that house them, so you can use Atlanta for your measuring stick on this one. 2) Spirit. I know you guys are high-fiving right now. You could hold the Games tomorrow and still have 100 times the spirit and soul of Atlanta, where they paid for all those nice venues by letting sponsors slap a label on every inch of space and buy out every ounce of spirit. They packed the streets with garbage, carnival tents and gyro stands and let these images (not to mention the stench) practically overpower everything athletic. If you are gonna have a ubiquitous sponsor like Coke was here, using the Games to further brand loyalty with tons of marketing and free samples, please, make it Fosters. The commercialism here was so out of hand that IOC president Juan Antonio Samaranch has suggested not holding another privately funded Olympics. And for those of you who think this assessment of Atlanta's style is a tad harsh let me say two things: Closing ceremony and rollerblades. 3) Organization. If you plan on using things like MARTA and IBM down there, please, I beg you, consider switching to more efficient methods of transportation and information--like mules and carrier pigeons. 4) Mascot. Use your menagerie of bizarre wildlife to find a loveable creature that might be more widely accepted than Izzy: Road Kill Koala, Olympic Cows. How about a Bela Karolyi `roo, the mascot that gives you a hug whether you want one or not? Or the tattooed, Marlboro-smoking, orange jumpsuit-wearing Convict Joe (don't hide from your penal colony past, embrace it!) I got it! How about a baby-eating Dingo. 5) People to not invite. Rip up Joe Frazier's invitation. The longtime rival of Muhammad Ali had this to say when asked about the millions of awestruck faces when Ali lit the torch, "They probably were afraid he was going to fall in there." Also, revoke all ticket privileges of any of the dozen fans who actually took a sniff of Dream Team member Charles Barkley's size-16 shoe after Sir Charles tossed it into row 14 of the Georgia Dome last week. And whoever started selling soft drinks outside Centennial Olympic Park bombing suspect Richard Jewell's apartment last week, lose his passport as well. Linford Christie, sorry mate. And let's have your Olympics be the first one to stand up to sports like rhythmic gymnastics, ping pong, synchro and horse dancing (dressage). And with these sports gone you Aussies get a huge bonus...less need for John Tesh! 6) People to invite back. Definitely the Dream Team, the women's Dream Team that is. Watching them win gold in a packed Georgia Dome on Sunday night was the perfect, gracious final bow this Olympics--and this cynical, weenie journalist--needed. Please invite the Disco Water guys who every morning, for a buck, gave me a bottle of H20 and an a capella version of Brick House. To the orange-clad Dutch fans, wonderfully harmonic Brazilian fans, French handball wackos and the Uncle Sam guy who would paint his body red, white and blue, come on down! 7) Music. Hopefully by 2000 the death penalty will be enforceable for any DJ that plays Hey Macarena.. Celine Dion, please collect your frequent flier miles another way. And you can do without jamming YMCA at every venue--even when guys are wrestling for cripes sake--OK? 8) Torch. Here's a tip: You need to build one that A), Doesn't look like it's perched atop an erector set, B) Won't turn black with soot and melt 20 seconds into its duty, and C) Won't be described as resembling a McDonald's fry holder. 9) Cheering and viewing. Instruct locals that it's OK to cheer for teams not dressed in your country's colors of black, yellow and green. Heck, why not get totally nuts and let a real network bring people actual live coverage of all athletes and all news even if it doesn't fit the Up With People theme. 10) Finally, I wish you luck in bringing as many nations, fans and athletes together as they did here. If you get half the Johnsons, Suleymanoglus, Devers, Smiths, Leslies, Strugs, Shouaas, Angles, Van Dykens, Hamms, Reids, Yordanovs and Xiaoshuangs it'll be a blast down under. And I should almost be back on my feet by then.
Your buddy,
Dave
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