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The Back Page Decoding coachspeak: The truth shall set you free
By Bob Harris, Special to CNNSI.com Serious Fantasy owners realize that knowledge is the key to fielding a consistent winner. They also understand their ability to influence the outcome of a given contest is limited to making the best lineup and roster decisions possible at any moment during the season. However, given the sheer volume of information made available on a daily basis, it pays to maximize your effort by becoming as familiar as possible with each team’s head coach. In fact, I consider this a critical issue for Fantasy owners; and it’s why I harp on the need to crawl inside the mind of all 31 coaches. There's simply no better way to gain an edge over lesser owners in your league. That might sound like a daunting task, but it’s not something you do in a day, a week, a month or even a year. It’s one of those jobs you chip away at over a period of years. It’s a task that’s also made easier by the fact each team faces a different opponent every week. That means those 31 head coaches have to create 16 different game plans -- with corresponding personnel packages based on any number of constantly changing variables -- including injuries, the strengths and weaknesses the opposition, the venue each game will be played in and the corresponding weather conditions -- every year. Which gives you plenty of opportunities to study their habits. My guess says you’ll be surprised at how quickly you start to get a feel for these guys. In fact, I’m actually going to give you some specific things to look for this weekend in order to get you rolling. Remember: I’ve been doing this for nine years, so I have longstanding opinions and beliefs regarding all 31 head coaches not to mention a number of key coordinators. And the first thing you’ll learn about each and every NFL head coach is how he lies. And make no mistake about it: They all lie. Regularly. They just don’t call it lying. Of course, it really doesn’t matter whether they refer to them as coachspeak, canards; falsehoods, falsities, fibs, fiction, inveracities, misrepresentations, misstatements, prevarications, tall tales or plain old untruths. In the end, it really doesn’t matter what they say. You’re the one creating the profiles, which means you’re characterizing and categorizing each individual coach’s idiosyncrasies. Rather than simply unleashing you on an unsuspecting NFL coaching community, I’m going to share a handful of profiles I’ve created over the years. I’ll start with a guy who lost his job this year -- former Kansas City head coach Gunther Cunningham. If you listen to Baltimore head coach Brian Billick, Cunningham might be the last of what he calls “one-dimensional” NFL head coaches. More specifically, Billick said, "Gunther Cunningham didn't pay attention to the salary cap, or personnel decisions. The guy just wanted to coach football. And that's what got him fired." That and the fact he was a lousy liar. That’s right. Gunther couldn’t lie his way out of wet paper sack. Unfortunately, the ability to lie effectively is vital to running a successful NFL franchise. And you don’t have to look any further than Cunningham’s new boss -- Tennessee Titans head coach Jeff Fisher -- for proof of that fact. Fisher obviously has a positive relationship with his players, who are more than willing to go the extra mile for him. They like and respect him, which isn’t always the case these days. I don’t share their respect and admiration for the former defensive back who started his career as an assistant to legendary curmudgeon Buddy Ryan. My problem with Fisher is the fact he hasn’t listed an injured Titan as either probable or doubtful on the team’s official injury report for two year. That’s 32 straight regular season games listing players as either questionable or out -- no mean feat when you realize the league has been quick to fine those who have abused or taken advantage of the injury report in the past. Here’s what I wrote about the situation on Nov. 9, 2000 (prior to the team’s Week 11 game): Well... Here's a surprise! The Titans head into this weekend's game against the Ravens with the following offensive skill players listed as questionable on their injury report -- RB Eddie George (knee/toe); WR Derrick Mason (back/ankle); WR Carl Pickens (hamstring); WR Chris Sanders (back/ribs); and WR Yancey Thigpen (hamstring/ankle). After watching this phenomenon closely for more than a year now, I believe I've acquired an understanding of what each individual's "true" status might be at a given point in time. And if that time was right now, my revised Titans injury report would have George and Mason listed as probable; Sanders listed as questionable; Pickens listed as doubtful; and Thigpen as out. My injury report is based on the following information: The only reason George missed Wednesday's practice is it was held on artificial turf... The former first-round draft pick was expected to take part in Thursday's workout -- assuming the Titans practice outdoors on the grass... Mason practiced yesterday despite suffering from ankle and back injuries. However, he played with both injuries last week... Sanders has recovered well from the strained rib cartilage he suffered against Pittsburgh and practiced Wednesday without incident... Pickens did not practice Wednesday because of his sore hamstring... The Titans are taking a wait-and-see attitude towards his status, but he's still reportedly quite sore and isn't likely to play well if he plays at all... At this point, I’m probably less irritated by Fisher’s fake injury reports than I am by the league’s failure to nail him for it.
Sending mixed messagesBillick and Giants head coach Jim Fassel, who I consider manipulators rather than liars. Billick likes to come off as a free spirit who’s willing to speak his mind. It’s a great act and he pulls it off nicely. Billick and Fassel both specialize in using the media to send messages to their players. Like I said, it’s not so much a lie as an act.
Coachspeak 101A quick lesson in the art of Coachspeak as delivered by Kansas City Chiefs head coach Dick Vermeil, who took one look at free agent acquisition Priest Holmes during the ex-Ravens’ first workout as a Chief and immediately expressed concerns regarding the veteran’s ability to handle a featured role this year. Which is exactly what team officials had in mind when they signed Holmes to a five-year, $8 million contract -- with a $2 million signing bonus -- back in April. Vermeil could hardly come right out and say the team acquired the wrong guy after handing Holmes such a sweet deal, could he? Of course not. But that’s what Coachspeak is all about; making it easier for coaches to explain the unexplainable, turn losses into gains, tragedies into triumphs -- as Vermeil demonstrated by saying, “I think we've added a high-quality football player. I think he brings a lot to the table and will be very tough to beat out. But if it happens, it happens. That will only make us a better football team." Loosely translated, means: “We shouldn’t have given this kid a $2 million signing bonus.” Vermeil’s revelation all but guarantees an expanded role for veteran Tony Richardson, who will line up at fullback in two-back sets -- and as the lone back when KC runs out of single-back formations. After correctly pointing out that Richardson’s 5.7-yard per touch average ranked third in the league last year -- only Marshall Faulk and Tiki Barber picked up more per pop -- Vermeil slipped back into Coachspeak, proclaiming -- “[Richardson is] a different-style runner and a very good football player. I don't think people hold Tony in as high esteem as they should. I think the combination of [Richardson and Holmes] in the same backfield, or any one of these guys in the backfield, makes our running game better." Loosely translated, the Chiefs are going to line up in that one-back set early and often this year.
Gross understatementsThis spring, the Panthers released 36-year old QB Steve Beuerlein -- a local fan favorite who was coming off a Pro Bowl season that saw him complete 60.8 percent of his passes for 3,730 yards and 19 touchdowns -- despite playing without tight end Wesley Walls and 1,000-yard receiver Patrick Jeffers for most of the 2000 season. Head coach George Seifert went out of his way to downplay the situation this spring, when he said: “I know this is not very popular. But as I look at this, under the circumstances of this club and this organization at this time, it's a move that we had to make. We had to put our feet to the fire. We might take some lumps.” Might take some lumps? I suppose the sun might rise and set today, too.
Advanced coachspeakWe’ve seen the rest; so let’s get a peek at the best. ... If I were starting a franchise from scratch, Mike Shanahan would be the first guy I called. He’s an excellent teacher who understands the Xs and Os as well as anybody. He was also the first NFL head coach to be handed “complete control” of his team and he remains one of only two coaches (along with Mike Holmgren) who oversees the negotiations of player contracts. However, Shanahan’s skills as a coach and administrator take a back seat to his ability and willingness to take things to the lowest common denominator. The coach seems to take special delight in opportunities that allow him to display his more Machiavellian side. For example, the Broncos opened the 1999 regular season with four straight losses after Shanahan’s snap decision to promote Brian Griese ahead of Bubby Brister just before the team’s regular season opener. And when it became obvious that Denver would finish the season with a losing record, questions regarding Shanahan’s handling of the team’s quarterbacks began emanate from the team’s locker room. However, those questions were quashed the first week of December when Rocky Mountain News columnist Bob Kravitz, citing “unnamed team officials,” wrote that Brister was benched because he lacked the intellectual agility to master Denver’s complex offense. In fact, those same unidentified sources told Kravitz the Broncos could only use about 20 percent of their playbook with the former third-round pick out of Louisiana-Monroe under center. The column indicated that Shanahan became more concerned with Brister’s failure to progress as the regular season loomed nearer. But the straw that broke the camel’s back came during the first half of an Aug. 29 loss in Dallas. That’s when malfunctioning headsets apparently shut down all communications between the sideline and the huddle. Kravitz, once again citing “unnamed team officials,” wrote that Brister came "unglued" and was unable to carry out the game plan without offensive coordinator Gary Kubiak whispering in his ear. A "knowledgeable source" told Kravitz that even though Shanahan viewed Griese as his quarterback of the future he was reluctant to throw him into the fray so quickly. Unfortunately, Brister's inability to pick up the offense left him with no choice. Bubby might have struggled through his Wunderlic, but it didn’t take him long to figure this one out. “I helped us win five games [in 1998] and I had a quarterback rating of 100; that speaks for itself," Brister said. "I know the playbook. I know everything we're doing every week, so whoever is saying these things is completely full of [expletive deleted]. ... I guess they've got to say something. They've got to put the whole decision on somebody else, and if they want to put it on me, fine. All I know is, I just went in and lost my job. Nobody competed; it was just taken away. I know every [expletive deleted] thing in that playbook. ... For somebody to tell you that, that's just [expletive deleted] stupid." As for the headset story? According Brister, it never happened. "The headsets didn't work? That's completely untrue. All of these things you're telling me, they're totally untrue. They wanted Brian to play, and that's the whole story. If they're trying to put something off on me to cover their [expletive deleted], so be it. But I know what the deal is. I wouldn't have played 13 years if I couldn't pick up a system.” Then Brister cut to the chase. “If you tell me this is all coming from the coaching staff or the head man. If it's [Shanahan] trying to get himself off the hook, well, this is still just my opinion, and it's a lot of other people's opinions, but the decision he made on the quarterbacks was a mistake. Somebody is just trying to plant a seed. I'm smart enough to know the system, smart enough to play 13 years, smart enough to know whoever is saying these things is a [expletive deleted] idiot." C’mon now Bubby; is that any way to talk about the best coach in the NFL? I know. Some of you are still asking yourself if Shanahan would actually resort to planting a story like this to cover his own tail once the season had gone south. Of course he would. And it didn’t end there. ESPN senior writer Len Pasquarelli wrote the following last November: "No one would ever dare accuse classy Denver tailback Terrell Davis of malingering, but there are a few people close to the Broncos who privately suggested this week that the veteran might be a little overly cautious given his recent history of injuries. Davis underwent an MRI exam on his calf -- at his request -- apparently because he felt a slight twinge during the [November 13] Monday night game against the Oakland Raiders. ... The results of the test were negative and Davis was scheduled to start the next Sunday against San Diego. ‘But he seems just a little too preoccupied with [injuries], like every little thing bothers him,' said one Denver source.” Guess who? That’s right. Shanahan. But what else would you expect from a guy who grills his son about college teammates in an attempt to dig up dirt for future use. -- “My dad wants to know everything about everyone,” Kyle Shanahan admitted recently. “Not only what kind of players they are, but what kind of guys they are. He wants to know if they party, if they work hard, what their deal is.” Which takes us back to my basic premise. Figure these guys out once and you’re done. Coaches who lie, always lie. Coaches who rely on the media to send messages to their players, always rely on the media to send messages to their players -- just like you can count on a conservative coach to make a conservative call; just like water is wet; just like the sky is blue. It doesn’t matter if their message is skewed because it will always be skewed the same way. Hence the importance of learning enough about all 31 NFL head coaches to pick any one and decipher his unique code; descramble his signals; or if need be, translate whatever dialect of Coachspeak he might rely on into a language you can understand and use to your advantage. Bob Harris is Editor and Webmaster of the TFL Report and Senior Editor for Fantasy Sports Publications. His work is prominently displayed in all four FSP Fantasy annuals -- Fantasy Football Pro Forecast, Fantasy Football Experts Poll, Fantasy Football Cheatsheets and the Fantasy Football DraftBook. ... Look for all four on newsstands nationwide or Order them online now!
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