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(Larry) King for a Day
Posted: Thursday December 10, 1998 03:13 PM
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All over the place today. ... Talked to my good friend Tony Dungy over
the Thanksgiving holiday and after discussing the kind of season my close pal
Randall Cunningham is having in Minnesota, Dungy took some time to talk
to my three-year-old niece. How many NFL coaches would do that? ... Do you think
many right guards in the NFL actually use Right Guard? ... You ask me, BCS
stands for Bull Crap Solution. Come on, guys, even a dummy from the stoops in
Detroit like me thinks we need a tournament. ... I noticed that one of
Clinton's defenders is named Professor Beer. That was my name in
college, too. By the way, do you think Clinton's golf game has suffered during
this scandal? ... Can you honestly think of anything more ridiculous than the
NBA players holding a charity scrimmage? I can. How about the idiots who go to
Atlantic City and pay $1,000 to watch what amounts to a glorified lay-up drill.
At least the proceeds go to charity. ... Betcha didn't know that my good,
special, super-close pal and bestest-buddy linebacker Kevin Greene is a
pretty good Scrabble player. ... With all those Tulane coaches abandoning their
former team, you think any of their new kids at Clemson will take them seriously
when they talk about loyalty and commitment? ... I made my own frappucino the
other day when I left a hot cup of coffee on my desk for an hour before taking a
drink. ... I have a guilty pleasure to confess. I love those kitschy World's
Strongest Man competitions. ... I know the NFL has already booked the halftime
show at Super Bowl XXXIII, but how about this: a stool, a spotlight, a
microphone and Bruce Springsteen playing at the 50-yard line for 25
minutes. Bruce, as you know, is an old pal of mine. ... Randy Johnson
scares me. So does the Y2K bug. ...
If you're talking the biggest difference between watching a sport on TV and
watching it live, you must be talking about the NHL. ... On the other hand, why
is soccer so exciting on my Sega game system and so lame in person? ...
Lindsay Davenport , looking great, playing great. That lady's got
chutzpah. ... Admit it, the best part about watching pro golf on television
(besides the naps) is seeing those guys screw up just as badly as you and I do.
... What's more effeminate on men, jewelry or cologne? ... My brother says the
diaper genie was a bigger invention than the Internet. ... Where I live the
locals pronounce NASCAR, naish-cur. Speaking of which, why hasn't a promoter
tried this yet: Stage a pro wrestling match on the infield while the Winston Cup
cars are whirling around the track. I'll tell you why. Hillbilly sensory
overload, that's why. ... Why does 50° feel O.K. but 47 seems cold? ... I know
her sister plays in the league, but using Jenny McCarthy to promote the
ABL seems like a desperate measure. It's too bad the ABL is on life support.
Based purely on the level of basketball, it's the better league -- by far. ...
For my money, you can't beat the chicken and noodles at Bob Evans. ... Nothing
hurts as much as seeing George Carlin sell out with those 10-10-220
commercials. Never thought I'd lump him in with the likes of Jenny McCarthy.
Both are cherished friends, though. ... What makes you cringe more, watching
Jerry Rice make cuts on his repaired knees or seeing him ruin his image
when he whines about not getting the ball enough? ... All these brand new sports
stadiums with the retro feel are great, but remember, folks, just 20 years ago
that was how we felt about Three Rivers Stadium, Riverfront Stadium, Fulton
County Stadium and the Silverdome, and now everyone says these places are
obsolete. While I'm on the subject, with the Bengals' track record, why in the
heck would the folks in Cincinnati -- many of whom are close personal friends of
me and my dynamite new wife -- fork over nearly half a billion for a new stadium
for the Bungals? ... What else I don't understand is how doctors can put
Picabo Street's legs back together so quickly, but once a blister starts
to form on your foot there's no medical way to stop it.
That's all. Dot dot
dot.
Spanning the strange and wonderful world of sports, the Flem File has visited
a nudist colony, investigated nasal strips, tried out for the Olympic bobsled
team and endured injury and humiliation at the NFL Experience. What, or who,
should we riff on next week? If you've got a suggestion, a comment or a
question, don't just sit there, bring it on! Click here to send an e-mail to
Flem, or address it yourself: flemfile@aol.com.
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