The Albert Alternative

Imagine the joy in Mudville if the mighty Belle had rung up 62

By Gerry Callahan

Reggie Jackson once referred, memorably, to the "magnitude of me," and as Mark McGwire surpassed Roger Maris's record, he seemed to embody that concept in its most endearing form. The slugger out of central casting, with arms like phone poles but the bright eyes of a Little Leaguer, played the part to perfection. The Magnitude of Mark—together with the Significance of Sammy—injected energy and excitement into the slumping national pastime. Baseball, and baseball fans, got lucky. We can only wonder what would have happened if the record had been broken by one of the game's less lovable hitters—like, say....

"The media can kiss my record-breaking butt," said Chicago White Sox outfielder Albert Belle in the locker room after hitting home run number 62 in front of 8,764 fans at Comiskey Park last night.

Cal Ripken, who had been playing third base for the visiting Baltimore Orioles when Belle hit the homer, had to be hospitalized after Belle body-slammed him while rounding the bases. "I just wanted to shake his hand," said Ripken, who was placed on the disabled list with a separated shoulder.

Upon crossing home plate, Belle, who has battled crosstown rival Sammy Sosa of the Cubs for the home run title all year, made a gesture toward the camera with his right hand in an apparent tribute to Sammy. Unlike Sosa, however, Belle kissed only one finger before pointing it skyward.

More than 700 reporters were gathered in a conference room after the game when word came that Belle would not be joining them. His relationship with the press has been strained since he caught a wire-service reporter looking at the vitamins in his locker. The reporter's left ear was surgically reattached after Belle bit it off.

Many members of the press chose instead to interview Mickey Schlep, the 17-year-old busboy who caught the historic home run ball and then sold it to a collector for $1 million. "I tried to give it back to Mr. Belle," said Schlep. "All I wanted was an autograph and maybe one of his old batting gloves. He told me to kiss his record-breaking butt." The collector also offered $2 million for Belle's bat. "But I'm only going $1 million if it's not corked," he said.

Belle's teammates declined to comment on his achievement. "I'd love to talk, but I've got to get home and arrange my cereal boxes in alphabetical order," said one White Sox player as he rushed out of the clubhouse. A Hall of Fame spokesman said the occasion would be commemorated in Cooperstown by Belle's right shoe, the only item the slugger was willing to donate. "Actually," said the curator from the Hall, "he threw it at me when I tried to congratulate him."

White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf rewarded his slugger with a '62 convertible, but Belle's triumphant spin around Comiskey ended when he ran down three members of the grounds crew.

Belle's mark came at the expense of the Cardinals' Mark McGwire, the early leader in the home run chase, who went down in July with a rib injury after trying to greet Belle with his trademark feigned punch to the stomach during batting practice. Belle responded with a real shot to McGwire's midsection, saying later that McGwire had disrupted his pregame preparation.

Before leaving the ballpark on his big night, Belle told the Maris family to "get out of my face," and when asked how he would celebrate the momentous occasion, he said, "F--- Disney World. I'm going to Vegas." Even without endorsements, Belle will benefit from his record-breaking blast: It triggered a clause in his contract that will force the White Sox to pay him the average annual income of Bill Gates, the Sultan of Brunei and the Spice Girls.

Around baseball many people were hoping a home run record would draw new fans to the sport, but the game was nipped in the ratings by a rerun of The Magic Hour.

Commissioner Bud Selig said he was considering attaching an asterisk to the record because Belle had been such a contemptible boor, a notion that didn't seem to bother Belle at all. "The commissioner can kiss my asterisk," he said.

Issue date: October 7, 1998