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Hey, Guys, Get a (Poli-)Grip!
Posted: Tuesday December 01, 1998 10:38 AM
Can
you hear them coming? The rattling walkers? The creaking
knees? The menacing thump of orthopedic
shoes?
Happens almost every year. An NFL team starts thinking
about going
undefeated, and the gasping, graying authors of the 1972 Miami
Dolphins' 17-0 record start getting their Depends all in a
bunch. On Sunday the Denver Broncos won to go 11-0. Expect
the
'72ers to clap off
Matlock, pack the Metamucil and tow their Airstream trailers
toward Miami, the left-turn signal blinking all the
way.
It happened in 1985 when the Chicago Bears, then 12-0,
pulled into Miami for a Monday-night game. The '72ers
showed up on the sideline, glaring at the pretenders
whenever possible and all but sticking pins in stuffed
bears. It worked. Miami stunned
Chicago 38-24, and nobody has gone 12-0
since.
As soon as the last undefeated team loses, the '72ers,
wherever they are, hold their glasses high and toast
themselves. Safety Dick
Anderson, linebacker Nick Buoniconti and quarterback Bob Griese
meet in their neighborhood in Coral Gables, pop open a
bottle of bubbly and pronounce, "We did it again!"
Hell, guard Bob Kuechenberg sends a case of champagne to
the team that blemishes the last
unblemished.
But this year's Broncos are testing the old coots'
pacemakers. They look as unstoppable as wrinkles.
On Monday night, Dec. 21, Denver plays at Miami, and if the
Broncos are 14-0, the '72ers will make another sideline
stand, baring their dentures, ready to trip fullbacks with
a well-placed cane or wipe out cornerbacks with a flying
prune. "I plan on
bringing one of those red laser pointers," says '72
running back Mercury
Morris.
Apparently these old guys were napping when sportsmanship
made its comeback this year. They must not have seen the
way the Maris family welcomed Mark McGwire to Roger's
record.
Nobody's put this kind of Poli-Grip on faded glories since
the Rolling
Stones.
What's stupid is the '72ers don't
need to. "I tell my dad, 'We can't
beat your record of going without a loss, we can only match it.
So share the wealth a little,
O.K.?'" says Brian Griese, the Broncos' No. 3 quarterback
and Bob's son. "But I guess they've just held it so
looooong."
"Oh, I'm sure it will happen," says Anderson.
"I just hope it's not while I'm
alive."
O.K., that's it. They want to make this team versus team?
So let's give the '72ers a pill that will make them a
quarter century younger. Denver will still turn them into
fish tacos. "We'd beat the brakes off 'em," says
Broncos tight end Shannon Sharpe.
"If it was for all the marbles? If you said, 'Winner of this
game is considered the greatest of all time'? They wouldn't
stand a
chance."
No duh. For one thing, Miami's starters would give up 500
pounds to Denver's, or the equivalent of Henry Hyde. It
would look like the jayvee taking on the varsity. The
Dolphins' offensive line would be 30 pounds lighter per man
than Denver's defensive
front four. And remember, Miami played only two teams with a
record better than .500 in the regular season. Denver has
already played four. Garo Yepremian missed 13 field goals
that year. Jason Elam hasn't missed from 63 yards in. Or
passed like a
florist.
True, Morris, Larry Csonka and Jim Kiick were terrific
running backs, but Terrell Davis is all three rolled into
one. He'd run through Miami like I-95. Just to give you an
idea of how things have changed, that No Name defense had
just one black guy on
it. "Really?" says Sharpe. "Then we'd just run
go routes all day on
them."
If the Broncos end up unbeaten, their achievement will be
greater than Miami's, and not just because they would be
19-0, to the Dolphins' 17-0. Do you know how hard it is to
build a great team in the era of free agency, parity and
ESPN2? Do you have any
idea how much media will descend upon Denver if the Broncos
get close? How much media did Miami have to deal with in
'72—two sportswriters and a trained
seal?
Look, I'm not saying Miami wasn't great in its day. It was.
But that day is gone like
Pong.
Anderson says he'll have champagne on ice for that Monday
night. I'm sure he'll get to pop it, too, and toast the
best team that ever
played.
Too bad it won't be
his.
Issue date: November 30, 1998
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