Miami takes over the top tier of this week's podium
Posted: Tuesday October 15, 2002 5:52 PM
A student at the London School of Economics wrote to me requesting information for his doctoral thesis on Elusive Variations Regarding the Theory of Random Numbers; specifically he wanted to know my exact methodology for deciding the order of the Powder, uh, the Poorer, make that the Power Rankings. First off, I told him never to use the word methodology, when method would do just as nicely, and then, being a friendly chap, I let him know my exact modus operandi, which consists of first determining the middle order of the rankings, for instance, Nos. 14 through 24, which are the easiest, and then filling in the rest, in ascending order from 14 and descending order from 24, until voilà, 32 teams are elusively, randomly covered. Now all of you know the secret, so if you want to do your own ranking power trip, go right ahead, and you can show these efforts to each other, but please, leave me out of it.
"For God's sake, tell them you're kidding," says the Flaming Redhead. Nope, not this bloke. You can figure it out for yourselves, e-mailers.
Dr. Z's Power Rankings
Rank
LW
Team
1
3
Miami Dolphins (5-1) Quarterback guts it out with a broken thumb. A come-from-behind victory in a hostile stadium against a fiercely hitting team that kept coming at them. What more do you need to find your mid-October champion?
2
2
Denver Broncos (4-2) No, I won't drop them because of the loss, as some rankers might. I mean, someone had to win the Miami game.
3
1
Oakland Raiders (4-1) It wasn't that they were terribly flat against the Rams. It was just that St. Louis was stoked to a fever pitch, and Oakland couldn't match that intensity. When you're dealing with superior athletes, that's all it takes sometimes.
4
4
New Orleans Saints (5-1) The Packers seem to own this spot, or even a higher one, on other peoples' charts, but there's that little matter of New Orleans 35, Green Bay, 20, which I'm not in such a hurry to forget right now.
5
5
Green Bay Packers (5-1) They went into Foxboro with three quarters of their secondary hurt, and a street pickup and a guy from the cab squad as their nickel and dime backs, facing an offense they knew would throw and throw some more, and they came away with a crushing victory by bringing the attack down to the ground and letting their gunslinger throw short, controlled stuff. I cannot stress enough the magnitude of this victory over the Patriots. Well, actually I can, and that's what I'm doing.
6
6
San Francisco 49ers (4-1) I saw a very interesting contest Monday night. After about 10 minutes I said, that's it, the Seahawks are gonna win it, the Niners are flat. Well, they were, at the beginning, even with the lead, but their QB kept them in it, and they got kinda lucky on defense, and then they ran the ball against a team that's been soft against the run for quite a while now. Do you know that on that magnificent 99-yard drive of theirs, they didn't have a single third down?
7
9
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-1) They have to be this high because of their defensive achievements, but let's face it, they've been bullying the nerdy kids. Do the same in Philly and I'll be convinced. Should be a defensive slugfest, just the kind of game I like. I'd say bet the under, except that sometimes these under games turn out to be high scoring because of the turnovers.
8
8
Philadelphia Eagles (3-2) Teams coming back from a bye week are 8-4 this year, including such serious upsets as Baltimore over Denver. Now why I didn't I know that Sunday night, when I picked the Bucs to beat Philly? Probably would have picked Tampa Bay anyway.
9
10
San Diego Chargers (5-1) Right, it was only fitting that they beat the Chiefs, since they shoved them around all afternoon anyway. But I'm going to have to reevaluate my evaluation of Junior Seau. The defense seems to lose a lot of its punch without him. Maybe I'm just put off by the way the announcers keep gushing about him.
10
15
Indianapolis Colts (4-1) I don't know why I've ranked them so low all season, when their 4-1 record, no matter how it was achieved, certainly justifies a better deal. Top 10 is the best I can do right now, but a win in Heinz (does that sound as wrong to you as it does to me?) against the Steelers Monday night certainly will call for a significant re-adjustment.
11
12
Buffalo Bills (3-3) Houston was a trap game, and they escaped the trap. I wish their defense played with more authority, but the offense is big league and you can't fix everything at once.
12
13
Kansas City Chiefs (3-3) Five of their opponents had their best yardage day of the season against the K.C. defense, and the sixth, Cleveland, came 22 yards away from that achievement. What's wrong with the Chiefs' defense? It's slow. Pro football used to be a power game. Now it's a speed game. You simply have to have the guys who are fleet of foot.
13
14
Arizona Cardinals (3-2) Bye week in Phoenix means staying indoors, out of the heat. I can't think of a better way to prepare for an NFL opponent.
14
7
Jacksonville Jaguars (3-2) Up-and-downers. Bad defense against the Titans, but what the heck, they lost their QB early and things just seemed to fall apart. I know, many of you probably feel that Tennessee should be ranked higher than the Jags, but they were a lot apart (19 spots) last week, and now they're not so much apart (nine positions), and a season's worth of careful evaluation and analysis can't just go down the dumper because of one game.
15
11
New England Patriots (3-3) I know, they should receive a more severe penalty after that sorry outing against Green Bay, but I look at the teams below them and I can't honestly say any of them are better. This story is far from over, of course, and I will be closely monitoring New England's progress, or lack of same.
16
22
Pittsburgh Steelers (2-3) Sorry, but I cannot yet buy into the Tommy Maddox hoopla. As Jimmy Johnson gleefully points out, "When he was at UCLA, we used to call him Turnover Tommy," and I wouldn't be that harsh, but he did throw two picks against the sorry Bengals, and ... well, let's wait, OK? What's that you're saying, you Steelers fans? You can't wait? Oh, c'mon now, go watch some baseball or something.
17
18
Baltimore Ravens (2-3) Ray Lewis' presence affects the whole operation. Seau's presence affects the whole Chargers defense. Lawrence Taylor's presence did wonders for the outlook of the Giants' defenders. And when I was at Columbia, having Al Ginepra in the lineup made us play like fiends from hell. Who was Al Ginepra? Our right tackle, best man at my wedding, the first one, the one that went blooey. Second one, too, actually. The good one.
18
23
Dallas Cowboys (3-3) A stirring saga down there in the wide country. Quincy Carter throws two TDs in the last five minutes to win the game by a point. In front of half-empty stands, the fans having departed the scene to beat the traffic and get home for the late game and their barbecues. When the 'Boys were riding high, many of their players told me that their fans were the most jaded in the NFL. "If we score three TDs they want four," Calvin Hill once said. "If we score four, they want five. If we score five, they're mad because most of them were at the other end of the field, away from their seats."
19
20
Chicago Bears (2-3) I raised them one notch after their bye. I did this mainly to quiet Chicago e-mailers who have been mad at me for years for under-rating their team.
20
24
Atlanta Falcons (2-3) Doug Johnson. Oh boy, another no-name quarterback leads his team to victory, which seems to be the capsule of the 2002 season. Just wait till you get down to the Marc Bulger part of this thing.
21
16
Carolina Panthers (3-3) No, no, no. You do not, repeat do not, sit on a lead in the NFL and let your defense win it for you. Defenses do not play with fire and intensity when they realize they're simply part of a holding operation.
22
25
St. Louis Rams (1-5) I will have a lot more to say about what I saw (and am I glad that I decided at the last minute to tape this Raiders game, which loomed as one of the classic blowouts of the season) on Sunday. Don't want to ruin it, but this Bulger kid really is exciting to watch. Why? Because unlike so many of the young, goody-goody QBs, he takes chances.
23
26
Tennessee Titans (2-4) If Eddie George is really back, then they're ready to make a move. Just like all those defensive guys I mentioned before, the ones who inspire their unit, he sets the tone for the offense and this filters down to the defense. Everyone snaps on his helmet a little tighter and puts that extra oomph into each shot. We must now take the Titans seriously because of what lies ahead. Bye, followed by trips to Cincy and Indy, and they could win both of those, followed by Houston and Pittsburgh at home. They have a homer against Indy in December, but that's the only team left on their slate with a winning record right now.
24
17
Washington Redskins (2-3) Here's a guy to watch. Strong safety Ifeanyi Ohalete (and isn't it great the way Terry Bradshaw says that name, with a little yodel at the end?), who's been splitting time with Sam Shade and now looks ready to take over the position. Plays with real verve and, yes, speed. Ran a pick all the way back against the Saints, and I caught him against the Niners, making plays all over the field, and wondered, who the hell is this guy? A street free agent last year, a special teamer. Stay tuned.
25
19
New York Giants (3-3) Tiki Barber comes up with the best quotes in this locker room. "We've got to break this pattern of win, lose, win, lose, or we'll end up 8-8," was his logical assessment after the Falcons loss. He's right, they're on a four-game win-lose run, but as the Flaming Redhead points out, "Well, if they lose two or three in a row, they'll have broken the pattern, right?" Hey, you only whisper things like that here in N.J.
26
21
Cleveland Browns (2-4) They were overmatched against Tampa Bay. Supposedly they devoted the offseason to getting tougher on both sides of the ball, but they ran for 60 yards against the Bucs, and Tampa Bay collected 186, with the big thumper, Mike Alstott, coming out of mothballs to do most of the damage. Seems like there's still some work to be done, or am I being too critical?
27
32
Minnesota Vikings (1-4) A little-known upper ... the return of tight end Jimmy Kleinsasser. Now Mike Tice, himself a former TE, can use Kleiny and Byron Chamberlain as the bookend pair, which was what he wanted to do all along, and watch the offense take off. I could, of course, be dreadfully wrong here.
28
28
Seattle Seahawks (1-4) Here's what I don't like, and I alluded to this in last week's column, but I won't let it go. Rocky Bernard, a late-draft rookie but a real stud at DT, is benched for John Randle, who cost a bundle last year but simply cannot play the run, and the Niners kill them on the ground. Which proves once again that sometimes pedigree papers count for more than ability on the field.
29
27
Detroit Lions (1-4) My upset pick last week. And all those investors who took them with the points are now lined up outside the door, and they are not happy at all. Couldn't help it, folks, but watch them against the Bears this weekend. And if it's a blowout the other way, I'm leaving town and all you'll find will be a feather and a wisp of smoke.
30
30
Houston Texans (1-4) Every week I kept hearing sugar-coated reports about Tony Boselli and Ryan Young, who were going to form the best tackle tandem in the league. Well, that's shot, and the glow is off the expansion draft.
31
29
New York Jets (1-4) Their bye week cost them two spots, which is what happens down here in the depths, when your compadres in misery showed some life in their recent outings.
32
31
Cincinnati Bengals(0-6) Here's an interesting statistic: The Bengals have actually held the lead for two minutes and 30 seconds this season. And I'll bet they didn't even enjoy those riches while they had them.
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