Ordinarily my pick to win the U.S. Open this week would be Mikael Lundberg. He won the Husqvarna Open last year (it's on the Challenge Tour in Europe), and Husqvarna proficiency would come in handy in the chainsaw rough at Olympic Club. Alas, Lundberg is not in the field.

It didn't feel like I was seeing any kind of expertise during Tuesday's practice round, as the world's best golfers tickled their shins and thrashed at their golf balls in Olympic's asparagus. Even from just off the fringe, balls went skittering across the green, long. Balls popped up in the air and landed very nearly where they started, in the rough. Any balls that made the green were considered good shots, even if they stopped 20 feet from the hole. All of which suggests this: The pros won't have any more idea where the ball's going than you or I.

THE FLY ON THE BALL HEARD ... Copious speculation about Wednesday's 11:30 a.m. (PDT) press conference called by the U.S.G.A. Everybody had a theory. They're going to reduce the maximum number of clubs, from 14 to 12. The lob wedge will be outlawed. No more long putters. Titanium drivers are out. If any of the above decrees are announced Wednesday, gentlemen, start your lawyers. Maybe we'll get lucky. Maybe they'll ban the ubiquitous, malodorous golf-course cigar.

AILMENT DU JOUR ... I nearly had to beg off this week's duties. I get back trouble every time I swing a PowerBook. (Bad golf humor. Sorry.) Ernie Els played Tuesday, although he said his stiff back—which kept him out of last week's Buick Classic—didn't feel so hot. Tiger Woods, meanwhile, says his back troubles, which led to his withdrawal from the Kemper Open two weeks ago, are totally gone. It looks that way; I watched him nearly ace the 157-yard 15th hole.

MR. BLACKWELL WOULD GET A BANG OUT OF ... Tom Lehman's caddy, who was dressed a lot like Tom Lehman's golf bag: copper and black. ... Clarence Rose, with a white Hogan cap, a yellow shirt, khakis and a big yellow golf bag that says "Bojangles" in red lettering. ... Kiwi Grant Waite, who wore some fetching beige checked slacks with an orange shirt and a white cap.

THE FLY ON THE BALL SAW ... A spectator who snuck into a portable toilet on the 10th tee, and a marshal coming after her. "You can't go in there," the marshal said, knocking. "It's for players only." Oh yeah? "You can't stop me now," the fan replied. Even the marshal laughed. ... Five uniformed police officers and many fans following the threesome of Woods, Casey Martin and Joel Kribel. Who knew Kribel was so popular? ... Mike Tirico walking inside the ropes with broadcasting partner, sometime PGA Tour player and two-time Open winner Curtis Strange. ... Strange, the epitome of Open success, wedged between perennial Open bridesmaids Colin Montgomerie and Jeff Maggert on the range. Maybe they were trying to learn something.

PENMANSHIP FINALS ... Andrew Walters was the hardest-working guy at Olympic on Tuesday. Walters, 7, was collecting autographs on a yellow replica flag from Olympic's 18th hole. And he was serious. Out between the 11th green and 12th tee, Walters ran behind, between and beneath fellow fans as he kept asking pros (while panting), "Can you please sign it? Can you please sign it?" Brad Faxon got to the end of the players' chute, but instead of walking to the tee he turned and said, "OK, where's the little guy running?" Walters got his signature.

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