EVENTS
 Sportsman of the Year
 Heisman Trophy
 Swimsuit 2001

CNNSI.com GROUP
 Sports Illustrated
 Life of Reilly
 Television
 SI Women
 SI for Kids
 Press Room
 TBS/TNT Sports
 CNN Languages

COMMERCE
 SI Customer Service
 SI Media Kits
 Get into College
 Sports Memorabilia
 TeamStore

Boston's premier purveyor of golf adventure

Click here for more on this story

Posted: Tuesday July 11, 2000 02:43 PM

By Alan Shipnuck

To: British Open tour group
From: Alan Shipnuck, Director
Re: Itinerary for St. Andrews

Below are the details of the action-packed week we have put together for you at the British Open. Remember, we're traveling to the Home of Golf, so let's be on our best behavior!

July 17
9 a.m. Assemble at Logan International Airport.

9:05 a.m. Cocktails.

10 a.m. Depart on British Airways Flight 1776. We have arranged a special in-flight screening of The Patriot.

July 18
8 a.m. Bus leaves for day trip to Carnoustie. Egg McMuffins and keg onboard. Carnoustie is a long, difficult course, so we have imported motorized carts for your convenience. Be advised that the Scotch* (pronounced same as the single malt—ha ha!) play at a brisk pace. Please limit practice swings to six per hole, per player. Ditto cigar consumption.

2 p.m. Into the Bear Pit book signing, followed by a Q&A session with author Mark James. (Suggested topics to explore with Mr. James: Nick Faldo's contributions to European golf; the importance of rookies in the Ryder Cup; the sanctity of the team room.)

*The Scotch can be very reserved. Here's a possible conversational gambit: "So, who do you like this week, Paul Lawrie or Gordon Sherry?"

July 19
10 a.m. Walking tour/lager tasting at the Old Course. Be advised that although the Old Course has no trees or ponds, and the fairways and greens are scandalously underfertilized, the track is considered, by Europeans, an important part of golf history. To help you understand the subtleties of this unusual design, we have invited America's own Scott Hoch to provide analysis and commentary.

Lane Stewart

4 p.m. Cultural lecture: English, Scotch, Welsh or Irish? How to tell 'em apart, and is there a need to?

July 20
9 a.m. Assemble at clock tower at R&A headquarters for mimosas and pep rally to kick off the first round of the British Open.* Not wanting to offend our gracious hosts, we have limited the entertainment to a brief routine by the Dallas Cowboys' cheerleaders and an appearance by Bruce Springsteen, who will lead us in a rousing rendition of Born in the U.S.A.

10 a.m. Spectate at your leisure. In addition to a six-pack of Sam Adams, we'll provide each of you with a six-by-nine-foot U.S. flag. Please wave it whenever an American holes out.

11 a.m. Tiger tees off. Be advised the Scotch are set in their ways when it comes to spectator etiquette. (You'd think they invented the game.) Screaming, "You da man!" after Tiger's shots is inappropriate. Please use the King's English, i.e. "You are the man!"

*You may hear the tournament referred to as the Open Championship. Don't be confused. There is only one Open, and this year it was played at Pebble Beach.

July 21
Some say the top Europeans* are hesitant to play in the U.S. because they're chicken. We know better. They're simply not good enough. See for yourself during the second round, before they miss the cut. Below are the tee times of some notables.

7 a.m. José María Olazábal, Spain. A woman in the British Open!

10:42 a.m. Miguel Angel Jiménez, Spain; Miguel Angel Martin, Spain. No relation.

1 p.m. Colin Montgomerie, Scotland. He's sensitive to noise. Please don't snap pictures until after he has begun his backswing.

*We will provide detailed notes of their preshot routines.

July 22
9 a.m. Assemble at merchandise tent for early Christmas shopping. Regarding currency exchange, remember: One pound equals 16 ounces.

11 a.m. Spectate at your leisure. If you need assistance, please call 00 1 607 U GOT BAIL.

7 p.m. Black-tie gala hosted by George W. Bush, who will read from José Enrique de la Peña's With Santa Anna in Texas: A Personal Narrative of the Revolution.

July 23
The final round of the British Open!*

11 a.m. Go-Native brunch featuring bangers (hot dogs) and beer.

1:56 p.m. Final pairing (i.e., Tiger and somebody else) tees off.

2 p.m. Tiger victory party at our tent atop Swilican Bridge commences with grain alcohol toast.

*Don't forget to wear red, white and blue!

Issue date: July 17, 2000

 

Related information
Stories
My Shot Golf Plus: Notebook
Multimedia
Visit Multimedia Central for the latest audio and video
Search our site	Watch CNN/SI 24 hours a day
	Sports Illustrated and CNN have combined to form a 24 hour sports news and information channel. To receive CNN/SI at your home call your cable operator or DirecTV.

Copyright © 2001 CNN/Sports Illustrated An AOL Time Warner Company. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Read our privacy guidelines.