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The year's worst ranges
Sports Illustrated senior writer John Garrity was a 42-year-old eight handicapper when he suddenly lost his swing. Since December 1989 he has been looking for it -- a modern-day Odysseus adrift on the troubled waters of swing theory. As Garrity travels the world reporting on golf, he visits as many driving ranges as he can, avoiding the dreaded "mats only" ranges that prevent him from teeing it up. Tuesday, Dec. 26 KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- The year ends with almost a foot of snow in the backyard and the golf clubs gathering dust in the garage. The word birdie conjures up nothing but the cardinal that hops about on a branch outside the patio doors -- a red cursor on a white desktop. The weatherman says he sees no thaw in the forecast. Years ago I wrote a song: "I like it frozen/Nature and time stand still/We could live forever/Frozen and smiling on our tintype hill." But that was before I lost my swing. Ah, well. I'll just throw another candle on the gas logs and take this opportunity to rank my worst driving-range experiences of the year 2000: 1) Surf 'n' Turf Driving Range, Del Mar, Calif. I can't seem to escape this perennial loser. In daylight it's merely ugly -- a flat, ungrassed tract with targets that look like junkyard litter. At night it's a game of blind man's bluff. The weak floodlights are positioned so your clubhead casts a shadow on the ball, and once airborne the balls disappear into a canopy of darkness. (When ace photographer Robert Beck tried to photograph Surf 'n' Turf at night for my Sports Illustrated feature "Home on the Range", the lights went out entirely for about 40 minutes.) Why do I keep going back? Must be the paved parking lot. 2) Miraflores Golf Range, Riviera, Spain. Hard mats, low-compression balls and inadequate acreage are problems at this commercial range in the foothills above the Costa del Sol. My real objection, though, is having to pass a guy selling resort property to get to the tee line. ("I see you have the large bucket, Señor. Could I interest you in an ocean-view villa at 200 million pesetas?") 3) Emerald Court Hotel and Resort, Rancho Mirage, Calif. Don't let the grand appellation fool you -- this is the Bates Motel made less appealing with the addition of a bad golf range. The mats are strewn across the desert floor, and the barren field is chock-a-block with yardage signs and dried-up concrete pools. I suggested bleached skulls for tee markers, but management here is slow on the uptake. 4) Halifax Golf Center, Halifax, Nova Scotia. The lumber piles and chemical tanks of the surrounding industrial neighborhood are bad enough, but the tees face the setting sun and the tee stations are plastered with advertising. The guy who built this place must have hated golfers. 5) Family Golf Learning Centre, Oakville, Ont. This place caught my eye in September when I covered the Canadian Open at Glen Abbey. "Selected Top 100 Ranges in America," the sign read. It should have read "Astroturf Farm." The target field, in a broad valley below an elevated tee line, is covered with colored carpet. Welcome to the 200-yard wedge shot --100 in the air, another 100 by virtue of rooftop-high bounces. When this place is busy, the field looks like a popcorn popper. 6) Oakton Golf Range, Park Ridge, Ill. This charming little plot is in a beautiful wooded park on the landing path to O'Hare, and you can almost hear the birds chirping when 747s aren't roaring over the tree tops and casting the field in shadow. What spoils this facility are the plastic safety panels between the mats. They limit your aiming area, giving you the feeling that you're hitting out of a hallway. The only place I could hit a three-wood draw was into the boundary fence in the left-rear corner of the range. Do I really need to practice a hook into the woods? 7) Hawaii-Kai Golf Club, Oahu, Hawaii. I was thrilled that it had a grass teeing area, until I saw what was under the grass. There is no sand or topsoil, just the stuff the islands are made of -- lava rock. My elbows were sore in five minutes, and I was hitting line drives before I reached the bottom of the bucket. (Lesson: Gravel hardpan is not a good medium for growing either grass or golf swings.) 8) Del Ray Oaks Golf Center, Del Ray Oaks, Calif. Blinding sun, threadbare mats, frayed netting between stations and weedy hillocks instead of greens for targets. I asked if I could hit from the grass tees on a ridge to the right. "Yeah," said the rangemaster, "but you can't hit long irons or woods." It seems that a slice or even a sincere fade from the grass breaks windshields on the adjacent road. My advice to Del Ray Oaks: Speed the Plow. 9) Plantation Course, Kapalua Resort, Maui, Hawaii. It's a wonderful resort course -- the place where Tiger Woods outdueled Ernie Els for the first of his 10 wins in 2000 -- but the range looks like it's being leased on a monthly basis from a neighboring farmer. You need a 50-horsepower cart just to get there -- it's across the road and a half-mile up the mountain from the clubhouse -- and then you have to hit uphill, to boot. When the wind rushes out to sea the tee line feels like a wind tunnel, and a good drive travels about 150 yards. They should replant with pineapples. 10) Ennis Driving Range, Ennis, Ireland. The worst driving range, after all, is the one that is not open for business. I drove around for an hour one morning in July looking for this place. After stopping at several petrol stations, I found it on a back road -- padlocked and shuttered. Talk about frustration. I would have paid $20 to hit a small bucket at Bad Ranges 1 through 9. That's it for 2000. Thanks for following my futile pursuit of golf adequacy, and even more thanks to those of you who have sent swing tips, range reports and the names of mental-health practitioners. I hope the New Year brings you nothing but fairways and greens.
Watch this space for another installment of Mats Only. To send John Garrity advice, share your experiences, or suggest a driving range, click here.
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