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A little fun on and off the range
Sports Illustrated senior writer John Garrity was a 42-year-old 8 handicapper when he suddenly lost his swing. Since December 1989 he has been looking for it -- a modern-day Odysseus adrift on the troubled waters of swing theory. As Garrity travels the world reporting on golf, he visits as many driving ranges as he can, avoiding the dreaded "mats only" ranges that prevent him from teeing it up. Friday, May 11 KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- If you watched Law & Order the other night, you know that the victim got offed at a New York driving range. What's more, the murder was captured on video because the victim was recording his swing. My question: Is there any interest in cross-promoting Law & Order with Golf Academy Live? Detective Briscoe could give Peter Kessler swing tips on the Golf Academy set, and Butch Harmon could pat down suspects on Manhattan's mean streets. Just a thought. Actually, driving ranges are underused as shooting locations. There's Something About Mary had Cameron Diaz hitting balls at a range in Miami, and Tin Cup was set at a ratty facility in armadillo country. But where's the contemporary version of Hamlet, recast as the story of a conflicted ball picker at a mats-only range in Laramie? Why not move Baywatch off the beach and onto a three-tiered driving range? Yes, I feel a contest coming on. Please submit, in 100 words or less, your casting ideas for a television series set at a driving range -- e.g., Andy Dick as the cashier who spills Hawaiian Punch on your bucket of balls. The best entry will receive a copy of You're an Over-the-Hill Golfer When ... (Example: "You're an Over-the-Hill Golfer when you're not embarrassed to use striped range balls on the golf course.") I'd also love to hear about other TV shows and movies that have involved driving ranges in their plots. Send them in, please. Monday, May 14 KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- Speaking of driving ranges and culture, the serious range rat will want to read No More Bad Shots by Hank Haney with John Huggan. Haney owns a chain of commercial practice facilities in Texas, including the Hank Haney Golf Ranch, but he also dabbles in instruction. (Actually, Haney coaches Mark O'Meara and Kelli Kuehne, and is a former winner of the PGA of America Instructor of the Year award, but his teaching style is so relaxed and unstructured that he looks like he's dabbling.) "Twenty-five years as a teacher has shown me that fun is what everyone is looking for in golf," Haney writes. "That is why I am often puzzled when I go to seminars and listen to teaching pros say that pupils just don't work enough on their pitching, chipping and putting. Why should they? Who are we as teachers to tell people what they should be doing to have fun? If fun for you is hitting the driver a long way and straight, then that's what I would always encourage you to work toward." That's just about the most sensible thing I've ever read in a golf instruction book. It's sensible, anyway, if you're 54 years old, have little time to practice and rarely play for more than a dollar a side. I also love the way Haney answers questions like, Why am I losing distance? "If you're like most people," he writes in his slowest, most patient voice, "you're not swinging the golf club as fast as you could. You're not using your maximum speed. A lot of the reason for this is the perception that you should swing the club smoothly and slowly. You look at pros and think he or she swings the club so smoothly yet hits the ball so far. But those two things -- slow swing and hit far -- don't really go together. Players who hit the ball a long way have a lot of clubhead speed. It might not look as if they are swinging the club hard, but they are swinging fast. Most people don't use all the power they have in terms of the fact that they could swing faster." This last point borders on the obvious, but I am one of many who have slowed their swings to school-zone speed because some well-meaning pro said we were "too quick." (In an upcoming column I will introduce the work of the mystic/savant John Novosel, who has discovered how to teach tempo in the golf swing.) In fact, I'm going to drive out to Milburn Country Club right now, and when I get to the range I'm going to swing with my driver real fast and knock balls way the hell over the fence at the far end and probably get myself suspended or even expelled from the club. Why? Because Hank Haney said I should. Because there's a sign that says, "Please Don't Hit Balls Over Fence." Because it's fun.
Watch this space for another installment of Mats Only. To send John Garrity advice, share your experiences, or suggest a driving range, click here.
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