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Push the envelope Advice to a wet-behind-the-ears scribe
CASTLE ROCK, COLO. -- It's been eons since I last sifted through the mail, a silence that has engulfed topics ranging from the confessions of a business traveler to British Open musings. So, without further ado ... I am a rookie sportswriter in a small town, and just wanted you to know I
find your stories very interesting and funny. I was wondering what it is like to
be able to write almost anything you want. I can't get away with anything here.
Keep up the good work and maybe we will run into each other at Southern Hills in
Tulsa next year. I remember reading a story in some Hollywood rag about how certain prominent directors -- Martin Scorcese and Quentin Tarantino -- film extremely violent material they have no intention of using. That way, when the Motion Picture Association of America over-reacts during the rating process, as it always does, the crafty auteurs simply trim the extraneous scenes and get to keep what they wanted to keep from the very beginning. My point is, it's up to you to determine how much you can get away with. Over time I have gradually desensitized the editors here at CNNSI.com, who used to consider this a family Web site. Sure, some of my best material has been sacrificed in the battle, but I never forgot that I was fighting the good fight. Let that be a lesson to all you young sportswriters out there. If you try hard enough, you too can one day have a whole series of double entendres and bad anatomical jokes to call your own. Aim high! I remember reading your response to a reader during your mailbag days, that
instead of trying to pick up the game of golf, he should start using cocaine as
it would be less costly and less addictive. After playing for about eight years,
I am ready for a dime bag. I am playing the worst golf I have ever played. The
game is not fun anymore. Any suggestions on how to make the game fun again? If I'm not mistaken, I suggested heroin, not cocaine, but those days are a bit, well, hazy. Anyhow, the first step in your rehab is to stop crying like a 12-year-old. Golf is hard. Accept it, love it or get into a sissy sport -- like football. Now, I do have a thought on how you might break out of your slump. A couple of weeks ago at the Western Open I was talking to Jerry Kelly, the late-blooming veteran who completely rebuilt his swing three years ago. To help him build confidence, sports psychologist/shaman Bob Rotella suggested Kelly play a few rounds from the forward tees (a.k.a. the ladies tees, but let's try to avoid that kind of characterization). This would allow him to be aggressive, make birdies, experience the cool sensation of driving par-4s, etc. Any player -- with or without a Y chromosome -- is welcome to play the forward tees. Your buddies may give you a little grief, so either play alone for a while or talk them into joining you. Could be what you need. The softer side of Shipwreck? Ugghh! What a bunch of self-indulgent crap. Long
walks on the beach, puppies, hugs, cooking, grocery shopping, laundry and
dusting!? Dear God, man -- snap out of it. Once in a great while I feel the need to stretch as an artist, to lay bare my heart, mind and soul. Chris, buddy, thanks for helping me get my game face back on. It won't happen again, I promise. I would like to add, however, that the post-sensitive 21st century good guy bit has its upside. For instance: "Alan, I love you! Will you marry me? That's the real question I want
answered. I have another, however. What is up with..."
Self Indulgent Crap 1, Hardened, Heartless Reader O. "Thanks for destroying the aura around Machrihanish. Every Tom, Dick and
heart surgeon on his next tour of Scotland's Open venues will be sure to add
Mac. Really, Alan. Some hidden gems like Mac, and others I won't name, need to
be left alone for those fortunate enough to have found them. Let the other guys
stand in line at the Old Course and dodge the tour buses in the car park, but
leave the out-of-the-way places ... out of the way!" Yeah, well, you shouldn't have written in, my Finnish friend, because now Machrihanish is getting even more ink. Way to go. "Big fan, but your last few threads sound a little bit tired; or
downright lame, lacking that trademark bite we faithful foam over. You need some
time off. Do some traveling, maybe play some golf. Oops ... sorry. At any rate,
get well soon."
I've taken some time off, and presently I'm traveling and golfing. Get well?
Three out of four ain't
bad.
Sports Illustrated golf writer Alan Shipnuck will take you On Tour each week at golfplus.cnnsi.com. Click here to send Alan a question or a nice, friendly comment.
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